Should people be able to live up to their own standards

August 3, 2012

I see all the time people demanding this, this and that while having very little to offer another person who they shallow for not settling for them.

There are plenty of unattractive and overweight guys with loads of issues who demand a woman who is model material with no baggage whatsoever. You also have the men who were hardcore players but then judge a woman for having too many partners even if she never cheated on a man in her life.

There are plenty of women who are average and can barely pay their rent who demand a rich adonis. You also have the women who reject anything traditional as an affront to feminism but yet demand that a man always pay on dates and that he live up to his traditional male role.

If these people don't get what they want they complain about that the opposite sex is shallow yet they refuse to give a chance to anything less.

Why are some people such hypocrites like this?

August 3, 2012

To answer your thread title, yes they should.

Why are some people hypocritical? Because everyone wants only the best, even if they can't meet the standards themselves.

And who is to say they can't try?

August 3, 2012

Million times - yes

I was watching an episode of king of queens where Doug (fatass Kevin james) is worried about his beautiful wife Carrie getting fat. I was just horrified watching that as I realized there are likely men out there who behave that way

If you are a fatty, you got no right to ask for a conventionally attractive partner. Obviously exact same thing goes for women as well across the board

Edited August 3, 2012 by brahmabull117

August 3, 2012

I see all the time people demanding this, this and that while having very little to offer another person who they shallow for not settling for them.

There are plenty of unattractive and overweight guys with loads of issues who demand a woman who is model material with no baggage whatsoever. You also have the men who were hardcore players but then judge a woman for having too many partners even if she never cheated on a man in her life.

There are plenty of women who are average and can barely pay their rent who demand a rich adonis. You also have the women who reject anything traditional as an affront to feminism but yet demand that a man always pay on dates and that he live up to his traditional male role.

If these people don't get what they want they complain about that the opposite sex is shallow yet they refuse to give a chance to anything less.

Why are some people such hypocrites like this?

I will say not really. Opposites attract for a reason, do not rule out a couples ability to complement each other.

August 3, 2012

I see all the time people demanding this, this and that while having very little to offer another person who they shallow for not settling for them.

There are plenty of unattractive and overweight guys with loads of issues who demand a woman who is model material with no baggage whatsoever. You also have the men who were hardcore players but then judge a woman for having too many partners even if she never cheated on a man in her life.

There are plenty of women who are average and can barely pay their rent who demand a rich adonis. You also have the women who reject anything traditional as an affront to feminism but yet demand that a man always pay on dates and that he live up to his traditional male role.

If these people don't get what they want they complain about that the opposite sex is shallow yet they refuse to give a chance to anything less.

Why are some people such hypocrites like this?

I don't know Woggle, I wish I did, baggage is hard though.To expect someone to take on your problems is a big ask.Today expectations for finding someone are out of whack for a lot of people.

I don't think anybody looking for someone should have a list except to be able to look at the whole person, the baggage ,the kids, the physical attributes and not pin point and write complicated lists discerning what they want from a partner.

The media has had a big influence on this, I think.

I am clueless when it comes to having a definite answer though.

Is there a book that gives all the answers, wouldn't that be cool to own that book that gives you a 100 per cent answer adn you make the best decision for both parties?

I do know it comes back to what you are taught to believe and who you listen to, that does have an affect on your choices that you do make, in my opinion.......deb

August 3, 2012

I see all the time people demanding this, this and that while having very little to offer another person who they shallow for not settling for them.

There are plenty of unattractive and overweight guys with loads of issues who demand a woman who is model material with no baggage whatsoever. You also have the men who were hardcore players but then judge a woman for having too many partners even if she never cheated on a man in her life.

There are plenty of women who are average and can barely pay their rent who demand a rich adonis. You also have the women who reject anything traditional as an affront to feminism but yet demand that a man always pay on dates and that he live up to his traditional male role.

If these people don't get what they want they complain about that the opposite sex is shallow yet they refuse to give a chance to anything less.

Why are some people such hypocrites like this?

What's worse in my view are the people who hook up with someone who isn't quite what they want, then try to change the other person into their ideal vision of perfection, which is pretty much what many people do when they realise they can't attract the person of high standards.

Really, it's the way people are, they always want the best (and they always have been this way, incidentally). With the media being so pervasive today, images of perfection are flashed into people's faces all the time. A lot of people find it hard to "settle" for someone of their own standard.

August 3, 2012

I will say not really. Opposites attract for a reason, do not rule out a couples ability to complement each other.

Yes, but the most attractive person isn't always the best for a relationship. It's also worth remembering that if an average or below average person hooks up with a "perfect" partner, there's a very good chance their partner will "trade up" at some point in the future. Does anyone wonder why the divorce rate is so high these days?

August 3, 2012

I simply wish it wasn't possible for people to be able to get other people who are above a certain standard they are not. It goes for both men and women.

Basically, I have no issue at all with sticking to women in my own league.

August 3, 2012

To a point, maybe. What if the well-educated guy, the famous actor, etc - what if they fell in love with a waitress (and she wasn't putting herself through school)?

I'm a decent person, capable of doing more than I am right now (I'm sort of stuck at the moment, but I won't go into all that). I've felt intimidated by well-educated men, good-looking men - it seems like there's always some sort of insecurity to deal with - but I will now defend myself if deemed "not good enough" by the likes of certain people here.

I believe that I deserve someone I'm attracted to, who treats me nicely (kindly), doesn't use drugs, doesn't need to get drunk on a regular basis, likes women in general. Should I tell them they deserve better, if they're better-educated than I am? If they have a great job, and I don't, should I tell them to find someone with a better job? What if they actually like me? It isn't any of my business who anyone else goes out with or marries; if they like them (or love them), then that's their business. I was fine with my sister marrying her fiance, until I found out that he's still lying about something, and has her believing the same thing. She wants what she wants, and doesn't consider him to be out of her league.

August 3, 2012

To a point, maybe. What if the well-educated guy, the famous actor, etc - what if they fell in love with a waitress (and she wasn't putting herself through school)?

I'm a decent person, capable of doing more than I am right now (I'm sort of stuck at the moment, but I won't go into all that). I've felt intimidated by well-educated men, good-looking men - it seems like there's always some sort of insecurity to deal with - but I will now defend myself if deemed "not good enough" by the likes of certain people here.

I believe that I deserve someone I'm attracted to, who treats me nicely (kindly), doesn't use drugs, doesn't need to get drunk on a regular basis, likes women in general. Should I tell them they deserve better, if they're better-educated than I am? If they have a great job, and I don't, should I tell them to find someone with a better job? What if they actually like me? It isn't any of my business who anyone else goes out with or marries; if they like them (or love them), then that's their business. I was fine with my sister marrying her fiance, until I found out that he's still lying about something, and has her believing the same thing. She wants what she wants, and doesn't consider him to be out of her league.

You're completely misunderstanding this thread

If you're a waitress and you meet a super good looking millionaire and you guys fall in love, there's nothing wrong with that. OP's point is when the waitress demands to date the stud and rejects men who are in her league or when a fatty/average guy demands a 10/10 girl

As long as you're willing to accept a guy who is somewhat equal to you, then you're perfectly fine. If you happen meet a guy who is well above that, then I don't see any problems

August 3, 2012

You're completely misunderstanding this thread

Anela may have been responding to somedude, who did suggest people shouldn't date outside of their "league". (whatever the heck that really is anyway)

August 3, 2012

People can date whoever they want but I am talking about people who look down on others who are just like them. It's like poor people who look down on other poor people.

August 3, 2012

I don't think it's possible to categorize people into 'standards' or 'leagues' - so the answer is 'no', really. Everyone has a different idea of what their 'standard' is and what the other person's 'standard' is, based on which aspects they prioritize. Who is to say that the other is wrong?

I do agree, however, that it's hypocritical to complain about others wanting what they want, when practically all of us have requirements of our own, just different ones. It's really a case of, "Is this working out for you?" If a guy is an overweight bum but requires a brilliant, talented, model-lookalike, good for him... if he can get one. Otherwise, he needs to think about how he can achieve that, or reconsider his requirements, or remain happily single.

I guess I really just have a problem with people who complain incessantly about others' requirements while having requirements of their own.

August 3, 2012

I simply wish it wasn't possible for people to be able to get other people who are above a certain standard they are not. It goes for both men and women.

Basically, I have no issue at all with sticking to women in my own league.

Then why don't you be true to your own stated stance here and ONLY seek girls who are in their 30's, have no relationship experience, no friends, have pretty interpersonal / social difficulties, and who are not through their undergraduate studies yet?

"Leagues" are not just about looks, if you want to subscribe to that way of categorizing people in the first place.

You seem very hypocritical - just like what the OP is talking about.

August 3, 2012

ONLY seek girls who are in their 30's, have no relationship experience, no friends, have pretty interpersonal / social difficulties, and who are not through their undergraduate studies yet?

Lol to be fair. That doesn't really exist

August 3, 2012

To a point, maybe. What if the well-educated guy, the famous actor, etc - what if they fell in love with a waitress (and she wasn't putting herself through school)?

I'm a decent person, capable of doing more than I am right now (I'm sort of stuck at the moment, but I won't go into all that). I've felt intimidated by well-educated men, good-looking men - it seems like there's always some sort of insecurity to deal with - but I will now defend myself if deemed "not good enough" by the likes of certain people here.

I believe that I deserve someone I'm attracted to, who treats me nicely (kindly), doesn't use drugs, doesn't need to get drunk on a regular basis, likes women in general. Should I tell them they deserve better, if they're better-educated than I am? If they have a great job, and I don't, should I tell them to find someone with a better job? What if they actually like me? It isn't any of my business who anyone else goes out with or marries; if they like them (or love them), then that's their business. I was fine with my sister marrying her fiance, until I found out that he's still lying about something, and has her believing the same thing. She wants what she wants, and doesn't consider him to be out of her league.

I agree completely. The most important 'league' that I, personally, place men in, is how they treat me (and, to an admittedly lesser degree, how they treat others around them). A man who puts a lot of effort into finding out what makes me tick, and then trying to do just that... who shows that he cares about me above and beyond 'what he can get from me'... who is willing to hold my happiness, safety, and comfort in high regard. Such a man is always a 10 in my eyes.

August 3, 2012

Another analogy is if somebody is a crackhead but gets mad because a sober person won't settle for them.

August 3, 2012

Anela may have been responding to somedude, who did suggest people shouldn't date outside of their "league". (whatever the heck that really is anyway)

I was mainly talking to somedude. Thank you, serial muse.

August 3, 2012

I agree, but Everyone wants the best, or what they feel is the best for themselves so you can't really blame them. Its natural to think like that even if your not the best person yourself. It goes both ways though IMO

I'd say 90% of women are going after a small 10% of men, and 90% of men are going after a small 10% of women. Once 80% of both 90% either completely give up(and refuse to lower their standards) or realize they have no chance with that 10% they start to settle and I think that's where it evens out

August 3, 2012

To a point, maybe. What if the well-educated guy, the famous actor, etc - what if they fell in love with a waitress (and she wasn't putting herself through school)?

I wasn't really talking about class disparity.

As for your example, I see nothing wrong with it.

Though on the reverse, I would probably feel a bit uncomfortable living with a woman who had a lot more money than I did.

I'm a decent person, capable of doing more than I am right now (I'm sort of stuck at the moment, but I won't go into all that). I've felt intimidated by well-educated men, good-looking men - it seems like there's always some sort of insecurity to deal with - but I will now defend myself if deemed "not good enough" by the likes of certain people here.

I believe that I deserve someone I'm attracted to, who treats me nicely (kindly), doesn't use drugs, doesn't need to get drunk on a regular basis, likes women in general.

I feel the same way about myself, except I want somebody who likes men in general.

Should I tell them they deserve better, if they're better-educated than I am? If they have a great job, and I don't, should I tell them to find someone with a better job? What if they actually like me? It isn't any of my business who anyone else goes out with or marries; if they like them (or love them), then that's their business. I was fine with my sister marrying her fiance, until I found out that he's still lying about something, and has her believing the same thing. She wants what she wants, and doesn't consider him to be out of her league.

None of that was what I was talking about.

You're completely misunderstanding this thread

If you're a waitress and you meet a super good looking millionaire and you guys fall in love, there's nothing wrong with that. OP's point is when the waitress demands to date the stud and rejects men who are in her league or when a fatty/average guy demands a 10/10 girl

As long as you're willing to accept a guy who is somewhat equal to you, then you're perfectly fine. If you happen meet a guy who is well above that, then I don't see any problems

brahmabull gets it.

I don't think it's possible to categorize people into 'standards' or 'leagues' - so the answer is 'no', really. Everyone has a different idea of what their 'standard' is and what the other person's 'standard' is, based on which aspects they prioritize. Who is to say that the other is wrong?

Of course it is.

You have a rough idea of how attractive you are compared to other women right? You also know your class and how much money and education you have compared to other people. Therefor, you know have an idea of what league you are in.

You can also tell how attractive a man is compared to other men and the same for his education and class, so you can tell what his league is. Then all you have to do is see if your league matches his.

IMO, the more things you have similar with somebody, the better match you are.

I do agree, however, that it's hypocritical to complain about others wanting what they want, when practically all of us have requirements of our own, just different ones. It's really a case of, "Is this working out for you?" If a guy is an overweight bum but requires a brilliant, talented, model-lookalike, good for him... if he can get one. Otherwise, he needs to think about how he can achieve that, or reconsider his requirements, or remain happily single.

I guess I really just have a problem with people who complain incessantly about others' requirements while having requirements of their own.

What bugs me, is when women in my league have seemingly unreasonable requirements and say that I'm not good enough for them. And then they go out and find a guy who is out of their league and ends up getting used for sex. My response to that is basically

Then why don't you be true to your own stated stance here and ONLY seek girls who are in their 30's, have no relationship experience, no friends, have pretty interpersonal / social difficulties, and who are not through their undergraduate studies yet?

"Leagues" are not just about looks, if you want to subscribe to that way of categorizing people in the first place.

You seem very hypocritical - just like what the OP is talking about.

The age thing is irrelevant. I classify myself as a young adult attending college.

As for women not having any relationship experience or friends or being awkward, I really don't care about any of those. Actually I'd prefer the girl to have little experience and be a bit shy. Number of friends she has isn't important.

I agree completely. The most important 'league' that I, personally, place men in, is how they treat me (and, to an admittedly lesser degree, how they treat others around them). A man who puts a lot of effort into finding out what makes me tick, and then trying to do just that... who shows that he cares about me above and beyond 'what he can get from me'... who is willing to hold my happiness, safety, and comfort in high regard. Such a man is always a 10 in my eyes.

So you'd be perfectly fine with this man if he met everything you just said?

BTW, I'm pretty sure he's homeless and doesn't work. But none of that is important right?

August 3, 2012

People should NOT hold others to different standards than what they hold themselves to.

And people should not harshly judge others for flaws they themselves have. Like, for example, pudgy guys harshly judging chubby girls and vice versa.

Or promiscuous guys denigrating promiscuous girls, or vice versa.

Girls with low level, poorly paying jobs disrespecting guys with the same, or vice versa.

Etc.

August 3, 2012

People should NOT hold others to different standards than what they hold themselves to.

And people should not harshly judge others for flaws they themselves have. Like, for example, pudgy guys harshly judging chubby girls and vice versa.

Or promiscuous guys denigrating promiscuous girls, or vice versa.

Girls with low level, poorly paying jobs disrespecting guys with the same, or vice versa.

Etc.

Isn't that what everybody in this thread saying?

BTW being in somebody's "league" doesn't guarantee you anything. You could be good looking and educated and get turned down by a less good looking girl for not having enough personality/intelligence

Nothing is guaranteed in this world. I don't understand why guys feel like a girl is committing a grave injustice for turning them down because he feels like she's in his league. People still have to like you to want to date you. Attraction is not logical for women, it's all emotional

That's why my friend who is 25 years old and makes 20k salary has a beautiful girlfriend and I'm 23 and interviewing for a job that may allow me to make 60-70 k right away and I'm home alone friday nights. The superficial things only matter so much

August 3, 2012

You have a rough idea of how attractive you are compared to other women right? You also know your class and how much money and education you have compared to other people. Therefor, you know have an idea of what league you are in.

Social status is also a component of "leagues" (which I don't even believe in, but whatever).

What bugs me, is when women in my league have seemingly unreasonable requirements and say that I'm not good enough for them. And then they go out and find a guy who is out of their league and ends up getting used for sex.

Well, if they say that you are not "good enough" for them, I understand your buggedness completely. But if they just don't LIKE you, or are not attracted to you, then they should happily and guiltlessly carry on to find someone they do like, and are attracted to. Regardless of YOUR categorization of the perspective "leagues."

And if she got used for sex? Why would that be any of your concern? And what do leagues have to do with it? People use other people within their same "leagues" (:sick: have I made it clear enough how much I loathe that concept?) all the time.

The age thing is irrelevant. I classify myself as a young adult attending college.

Hypocrite! YOU have age preferences and even requirements! And how YOU classify YOURSELF is of little importance, anyway. If a girl classifies you as "old for an undergrad and old for a guy who works in a mall," then, that's all she wrote.

Pleas note: I took a long time to finish college myself, so I am not judging you for that. But when I was starting college - NO WAY would I have even considered dating a guy who was 30.

August 3, 2012

Isn't that what everybody in this thread saying?

Yes. I wasn't arguing; I was just stating my beliefs.

August 3, 2012

Somedude, I have a friend of mine who is 25 and working a job in the mall. Dude is dead broke ALL the time and has never had any money

He's been with over a 100 women and all his girlfriends have been attractive. His key is that he's got a very positive and upbeat personality and he treats women with a lot of respect so they're willing to over look his faults and problems (also helps that he goes for 20 year olds who are not as likely to care about his career)

I think you would have much better success if you changed your attitude around to be more positive, comfortable and confident and stop trying so hard. Best things in life come when you least expect it

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Should people be able to live up to their own standards

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