Ladydrib Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 .... And it's certainly not a married man ;-) So this gift, it is the gift of self respect and self protection which is an amazing thing. What's so amazing about it, is it's leading to detachment. The very nature of a married man, is making me fall out of love with him. This feels great, as it is reassuring. I had begun to doubt my ability to make good decisions, my ability to select carefully. I could not understand why I would accept an affair. Now I get it. I never accepted it. I was not defective. I allowed it, however, I never accepted it. I started getting over it from day one and I've been on the path to disconnection since. I'm thrilled with this revelation. It brings a sense of restored belief in myself. None of this was about him. I made it about him, but it's really about me. This makes me wonder, does everyone in love with someone who is unavailable, climb a steady path towards detachment of that person? What is it that keeps some of us fighting and waiting for so many years, in hopes they will make themselves available? How many of you know it's just a matter of time before you completely detach, whether that is what you want or not? How many of you feel that you could wait forever, and not have your feelings towards the unavailable person diminish? 1
2sunny Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 .... And it's certainly not a married man ;-) So this gift, it is the gift of self respect and self protection which is an amazing thing. What's so amazing about it, is it's leading to detachment. The very nature of a married man, is making me fall out of love with him. This feels great, as it is reassuring. I had begun to doubt my ability to make good decisions, my ability to select carefully. I could not understand why I would accept an affair. Now I get it. I never accepted it. I was not defective. I allowed it, however, I never accepted it. I started getting over it from day one and I've been on the path to disconnection since. I'm thrilled with this revelation. It brings a sense of restored belief in myself. None of this was about him. I made it about him, but it's really about me. This makes me wonder, does everyone in love with someone who is unavailable, climb a steady path towards detachment of that person? What is it that keeps some of us fighting and waiting for so many years, in hopes they will make themselves available? How many of you know it's just a matter of time before you completely detach, whether that is what you want or not? How many of you feel that you could wait forever, and not have your feelings towards the unavailable person diminish? I can't tell from your post - did you end it with your MM?
todreaminblue Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 .... And it's certainly not a married man ;-) So this gift, it is the gift of self respect and self protection which is an amazing thing. What's so amazing about it, is it's leading to detachment. The very nature of a married man, is making me fall out of love with him. This feels great, as it is reassuring. I had begun to doubt my ability to make good decisions, my ability to select carefully. I could not understand why I would accept an affair. Now I get it. I never accepted it. I was not defective. I allowed it, however, I never accepted it. I started getting over it from day one and I've been on the path to disconnection since. I'm thrilled with this revelation. It brings a sense of restored belief in myself. None of this was about him. I made it about him, but it's really about me. This makes me wonder, does everyone in love with someone who is unavailable, climb a steady path towards detachment of that person? What is it that keeps some of us fighting and waiting for so many years, in hopes they will make themselves available? How many of you know it's just a matter of time before you completely detach, whether that is what you want or not? How many of you feel that you could wait forever, and not have your feelings towards the unavailable person diminish? I am a martyr(a kamikaze one at that) and I have come to realize that I will never lose the feelings I have for my ex, the fact that we share children together and share costs in a private agreement situation, makes it impossible for me to go NC but I am not interested in pursuing an intimate relationship again,when the first caused me much anguish,the fact that he is with someone else is also a reason for me not to. He mistreated me the first time I would not survive a second round of his treatment or disrespect and or abuse. Battle weary is how I feel and I cant compromise my character traits to suit a man even if I loved him or intend to be intimate with anyone.I actually came to that realization on this site that is why I am happy to support this site.I am firm on this resolve and it took a while thanks to the honest help I have received from understanding people..
2sunny Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Sometimes my mind processes people in the position of BEING anOW as abuse. When I look at it from that perspective - I can see that an OW sacrifices HER HAPPINESS for the benefit of her MM. She puts up with all kinds of crap and crappy behavior that she wouldn't normally settle for in an available man. And the MMKNOWS he's not offering to her what SHE DESERVES! Half of a man - half the effort - half the envy in the R - half the love - half the attention... He knows SHE'S getting short changed by what she DESERVES to have - yet HE GETS TWICE AS MUCH just by having an OW and a wife. What's right about that?
j'adore Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Ok when I was temporarily separated from my MM I went out with a SG, we had lunch, we went shopping, i had all those things I wanted with MM, we went to the movies, we didn't look or think where we could go as we just went. When i got back with MM after his pleading I had already decided i was not deserving of crumbs. I told him I wanted a proper relationship. I was more and more dissatisfied. So he changed, he started to see me every day including weekends for hours, sometimes three times, he phoned me all of the time. He got his act together but then it started raining a lot and we ended up in car parks for many meetings. I had gone through a lot of heart searching and crying when I told him I was better than that. This culminated in my bringing about D day I guess. I was just not happy, and now neither of us is.
sleepie Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 This makes me wonder, does everyone in love with someone who is unavailable, climb a steady path towards detachment of that person? What is it that keeps some of us fighting and waiting for so many years, in hopes they will make themselves available? How many of you know it's just a matter of time before you completely detach, whether that is what you want or not? How many of you feel that you could wait forever, and not have your feelings towards the unavailable person diminish? My path toward detachment was not exactly steady. But if you graphed it, the line would definitely trend upward. I knew detachment was inevitable for me, because I knew I didn't love him enough. I knew it would have to end eventually, and I knew detachment was the only way I would be able to handle it (because I did love him some).
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