MayleneHallelujah09 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I am having a hard time getting over my ex of 2 1/2 years. We broke up 6 months ago (his choice). I started no contact almost a month ago, but I'm still having trouble moving on and letting go. I don't really have many friends or transportation. I only go to church and occasionally text a couple people, so a social life is not really attainable at present. Is there anything else I can do that will help me feel better?
january2011 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 If you can't do things like Meetup, volunteer, adult ed classes, exercise, sport, then your only choice is internet and anything that's within easy walking distance from your house. I suggest that you try both. Even going for a daily half hour walk should possible, right? Or taking up jogging. With regard to the internet: join forums that match your interests. Watch movies/TV shows and listen to music online. Make a list of things that you've always wanted to learn. Look up "how to videos" on YouTube and VideoJug. Learn something new every month. Pick an actor/director/writer and watch all their movies. Pick a TV series and watch all the seasons. Learn to sing all the songs of your favourite singer. Listen to the songs while you're on your walk/run. Get fit at home using online videos. Take up yoga or learn to dance. Pick an author and read all their books - Google "Project Gutenberg" online. Learn to cultivate the friendships that you have and also make the most of your alone time. In the long-term, make plans to relocate to a more metropolitan area/learn to drive/buy a car.
Author MayleneHallelujah09 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Thank you. I appreciate your answer. I will try to find some more forums to join. I am also working on getting my license as well.
durentu Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Part of the break up involves disassociating those brain neurons associated with your ex. When the brain does this, it's usually painful, like having a revelation, sudden death in the family etc. While the brain needs to cut these connections, it can't do it alone. It needs to replace those connection with another set of associations. This means, got to find something else to do. Something emotional. It's going to be impossible to disconnect those neurons when bored and in isolation. Got to get yourself distracted. Some go for booz and drugs. I personally go exercising, or I hop on a train or car and I go get lost. Being lost is an adventure for me. This is why having a really hard work out helps, a rebound relationship, or seeing other friends and family. All these things help the brain 'get over it'; ie break the connections associated with the ex.
winstonsdreams Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 durentu said it perfectly, it's all about the brain and replacing the emotional connections with new ones. i know NC strictly works, but you have to cut them off altogether. total delete from your life and get involved with new friends, activities etc. always remain open to meeting new people. we are all struggling here one way or another.
Sweett Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Part of the break up involves disassociating those brain neurons associated with your ex. When the brain does this, it's usually painful, like having a revelation, sudden death in the family etc. While the brain needs to cut these connections, it can't do it alone. It needs to replace those connection with another set of associations. This means, got to find something else to do. Something emotional. It's going to be impossible to disconnect those neurons when bored and in isolation. Got to get yourself distracted. Some go for booz and drugs. I personally go exercising, or I hop on a train or car and I go get lost. Being lost is an adventure for me. This is why having a really hard work out helps, a rebound relationship, or seeing other friends and family. All these things help the brain 'get over it'; ie break the connections associated with the ex. Good post! I have to say that after my ex left me for the girl he's now engaged to I dreamed he was crippled and then died!! In reality it's not the case but in reality the relationship is dead and is never coming back. In my dream I think he was crippled because deep down I felt like internally he was a crippled person ( angry, overpowering, lack of communication, anxiety, didn't listen) I chose to ignore this while with him because I loved him. I've had some other dreams about him and I kind of use these as my wisdom and as something in my subconscious telling me that this person was not right for me!
Author MayleneHallelujah09 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Thanks everyone. I understand what you're saying. I am not a fan of rebound relationships, because I don't want to hurt anyone, and also because I have tried it before after my ex^^same guy and I split up for a while, and it only made me miss him more. The closer I got to the new guy, the more scared I became and the more I compared him to my ex. I ended up breaking things off with him and going back to my ex. It's especially hard for me to let him go, because it was my first real relationship. Everything was PERFECT in the beginning, and those memories mean so much to me. And I agree, I really do feel like someone has died, along with a part of myself. It's excruciating at times.
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 These are just a few random suggestions that might help: * Put up positive affirmations, mottos and quotes around your home to do with love, freedom, opportunity, pain...everything * Treasure the memories you shared and realise nothing is guaranteed or permanent. Be happy you had the chance to experience what you did, even if it didn't last * Eat healthily - bread, fast foods, chocolate, cheese can be triggers for me to feel tired and lethargic which can trigger bad moods * Exercise - brisk walks, jogs or three lots of exercise regimes a week - releases endorphins and brings strength to the body and mind * Do things you never did in the relationship * See the end as a chance to embrace something new i.e. travel, a course etc. * Love yourself: go for a massage, do your make up, get a hair cut, treat yourself to a nice dress, go on a holiday alone, have a bath with candles, make yourself a nice meal - whatever makes you feel good. You can still enjoy the good things in life alone * Write down any bad points about your ex i.e. bad things they made you feel, cruel things they said, ways your life together wouldn't have worked * Light a candle, wish them love, forgive them, say thanks for having them in your life, and let them go. Blow out the candle * Meditate. Let thoughts of pain, anguish, depression, anger come and go. Don't judge yourself for how you feel * Be patient with yourself. It's okay if you still love them. It's okay if you don't meet anyone else for a while. It's okay if you relapse. We all do * Write a song, poem or story to express your feelings * Listen to music or watch movies that can help you through the feelings and help you feel happy I hope this helps
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