newmoon Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 my bf has a goatee. he keeps it very well-groomed and short and he looks wonderful, so asking him to shave isn't an option. but, when we kiss it irritates my sensitive skin a lot. i end up very red around the lips and i usually end up with a pimples on my upper lip or chin. for many months i suffered in silence but i have become increasingly disturbed by it (it hurts and burns me badly). he takes great care to kiss me softly since he's aware of my issue, but what to do?? how to soften his beard/facial hair? or are there any products i can use to make me more tolerant when kissing him? i use a lot of chapstick to make my own lip area softer while kissing him, but it's a struggle. i enjoy kissing him so much but often turn my face away or just pull back because i know pain will follow kissing. if this is something you have also dealt with, how did you or do you handle it? thanks! 1
FitChick Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Maybe you can get rid of it slowly in pieces. Like tell him to shave the goatee but keep the mustache. You'll have to compliment him lavishly on how hot he looks and give him lots of sex. I personally hate facial hair on men -- or women for that matter!
Feelin Frisky Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Have you given him the benefit of the doubt that asking him directly to shave it off might result in willing accommodation? I hope that question makes sense or I've said it in a way that makes sense. Your expression has a familiar scent to me of avoidance of simple direct communication because you might have to feel or face something emotionally unpleasant. I don't mean to over-reach or fault--I just want to put in a word for the strength that is there to be built by indeed trying as much as possible to engage in direct communication with a lover/partner because it allows him to show you what he's made of and to earn trust that belongs to him if he does the right things. Assuming uncomfortable reaction will happen and avoiding the development of direct communication undermines many relationships without the couple ever putting their finger on exactly what it is that is wrong--and what is wrong is the guy is being robbed of opportunity to earn trust and respect. It seems to be evident that you have some notion that asking him to just shave will bring on an uncomfortable question mark of how he'll react. Communicating directly with due courtesy reflects trust and faith in a guy. And an adult man should respond with a patient assessment of his priorities. If he's on the young side he may have an impulse to consider himself above considering you--but don't freak out in the moment if he doesn't give the response you'd want. Give him a little time to gather himself and consider his priorities. Some couples could go to arguing if the woman is emotionally illiterate and starts getting contentious right away. But every guy who is a keeper will do the right thing and remove this source of irritation. There aren't any conditioners of gels that are going to make beard and mustache hair suddenly soft as eiderdown. If he's committed to you he shouldn't give a crap about his vanity--he's won you and gets to make having you even sweeter by doing the small things right for you. Treat him like someone you trust to give a crap about how you feel and just make it clear that it has nothing to do with the looks of it--it irritates you and that is unacceptable. I shave twice a day when I'm seeing someone and know I will be making out with her. I can imagine how prickly that stubble on my lip must feel on both pairs of lips a woman has and don't mind a really close shave to make kissing and whatever else pleasing and not irritating.
USMCHokie Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Have you given him the benefit of the doubt that asking him directly to shave it off might result in willing accommodation? Or perhaps razor in his sleep which results in unknowing accommodation...?
Star Gazer Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Or perhaps razor in his sleep which results in unknowing accommodation...? I hate quoting you, but this. My SO is currently "rocking" a hideous mustache, along with the others in his unit, and if it's not gone when he arrives stateside, it will be when he wakes up the next morning. Thank you, Lunestra.
USMCHokie Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 My SO is currently "rocking" a hideous mustache, along with the others in his unit... And I hate quoting you, but I found this hilarious. And it's not even March.
january2011 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 (edited) Work out a solution with him. Talk to him again. Is the facial hair more important or is kissing you more important? That's pretty much what it comes down to. His facial hair is affecting your ability to show each other affection. It's important and needs to be worked out together. Please don't treat him like Samson. I would hate it if my partner did something to me without my permission while I was asleep. Edited August 3, 2012 by january2011
Star Gazer Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 And I hate quoting you, but I found this hilarious. And it's not even March. Or Movember! I hate it. And I thought he was just being rebellious, until I saw his FRG posting pictures of his entire unit with the same 'stache. They all look like a cross between Hitler and a 70's porn star.
Emilia Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Or Movember! I hate it. And I thought he was just being rebellious, until I saw his FRG posting pictures of his entire unit with the same 'stache. They all look like a cross between Hitler and a 70's porn star. I really don't know what servicemen's fascination is with facial hair! Like handlebar moustaches. Awful. OP, ask him to shave it off although to be honest it bugs me a little how this hasn't occured to him already when you are clearly physically suffering - albeit mildly?
Author newmoon Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Have you given him the benefit of the doubt that asking him directly to shave it off might result in willing accommodation? I hope that question makes sense or I've said it in a way that makes sense. Your expression has a familiar scent to me of avoidance of simple direct communication because you might have to feel or face something emotionally unpleasant. I don't mean to over-reach or fault--I just want to put in a word for the strength that is there to be built by indeed trying as much as possible to engage in direct communication with a lover/partner because it allows him to show you what he's made of and to earn trust that belongs to him if he does the right things. Assuming uncomfortable reaction will happen and avoiding the development of direct communication undermines many relationships without the couple ever putting their finger on exactly what it is that is wrong--and what is wrong is the guy is being robbed of opportunity to earn trust and respect. It seems to be evident that you have some notion that asking him to just shave will bring on an uncomfortable question mark of how he'll react. Communicating directly with due courtesy reflects trust and faith in a guy. And an adult man should respond with a patient assessment of his priorities. If he's on the young side he may have an impulse to consider himself above considering you--but don't freak out in the moment if he doesn't give the response you'd want. Give him a little time to gather himself and consider his priorities. Some couples could go to arguing if the woman is emotionally illiterate and starts getting contentious right away. But every guy who is a keeper will do the right thing and remove this source of irritation. There aren't any conditioners of gels that are going to make beard and mustache hair suddenly soft as eiderdown. If he's committed to you he shouldn't give a crap about his vanity--he's won you and gets to make having you even sweeter by doing the small things right for you. Treat him like someone you trust to give a crap about how you feel and just make it clear that it has nothing to do with the looks of it--it irritates you and that is unacceptable. I shave twice a day when I'm seeing someone and know I will be making out with her. I can imagine how prickly that stubble on my lip must feel on both pairs of lips a woman has and don't mind a really close shave to make kissing and whatever else pleasing and not irritating. very helpful, thanks, and you're right, i have never directly asked him to shave - i'm not about having a man change any part of his looks/personality for me, i just usually live with problem, if possible. but since apparently nothing will soften the hair, i might just ask and see what happens :-) he's well aware i dislike it and he tries to accommodate me my kissing differently, keeping the hair short/neat, but that doesn't help. i didn't kiss my own father for years because his beard used to hurt me as a child. i wish men really understood how painful facial hair can be to a woman
Emilia Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 very helpful, thanks, and you're right, i have never directly asked him to shave - i'm not about having a man change any part of his looks/personality for me, i just usually live with problem, if possible. but since apparently nothing will soften the hair, i might just ask and see what happens :-) he's well aware i dislike it and he tries to accommodate me my kissing differently, keeping the hair short/neat, but that doesn't help. i didn't kiss my own father for years because his beard used to hurt me as a child. i wish men really understood how painful facial hair can be to a woman Some are aware. The fact that he isn't doing that much to accommodate you (when you in fact pull away at times when it hurts) says something about his character. I'd say this is a yellow flag. Guys I dated in the past were very careful
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Please don't treat him like Samson. I would hate it if my partner did something to me without my permission while I was asleep. You forget the next part of the story: where Delilah turns Samson over to the Philistines and they gouge his eyes out. I'd hate to have that done to me too. So yeah, OP, don't treat him like Samson.
homebrewer Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I have facial hair, and my wife has me keep it a little longer, rather than very short. Not ZZ Top long, but a little difference in beard length apparently helps alleviate the sandpaper syndrome (as she calls it when I'm scratchy).
It's Just Me Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 My face has the same reaction to facial hair. I deliberately excluded men with facial hair when OLD, stating it in my profile. I don't wish to change anyone, either, so... that's how it had to be. My partner has no facial hair, but sometimes doesn't shave for a few days. I'm not a fan of that feel against my skin, and always made sure to point that out in the early days. He now knows (and is happy) to shave when we are going to spend time together. Agree with homebrewer: longer is better for softness, if there's no way around the issue. Freshly-trimmed is very, very sharp and scratchy.
jocy_20 Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I know what you meen OP. My bf has a mustache and goatee. When he kisses me it kinda irritates my face and the little pimples are irritating. >.< but I like it on him and asking him to cut it, isn't an option except trimming both.
Els Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Has he tried using conditioner on it? I kid you not, it works.. even for body/facial hair. Other than that, if it is causing you that much pain/discomfort, he should be willing to work with you to accommodate different styles.
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