hrtbrkn777 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Ok im going to explain the situation and I really want to hear other advice besides move on or find another girl because I really love this girl. I have dated this girl for ten months... we got an apartment together and everythings been fine except arguments. Sometimes we argue over stupid stuff but not all the time just at times. She can get very violent and abusive during this phase... shes hit me before slapped me bit me you name it... I have never harmed a hair on her body I have just taken it. I have done everything as a boyfriend should do... been there for her 100% massages and back scratches, body scratches, I can make her orgasm under a minute so that definitely was not the issue... took care of her car... helped her in so many ways its unreal. Yesterday she left me. She was going to do it while I was at work but I had a feeling something was not right so I went home and figured it out. I have been hurt tramatically I recently bought her a 2008 Altima Coupe and now I screwed myself pretty bad. Her mom and her friends brainwashed her into beleiving I am such a bad person when I am not... they pushed her to do this I can tell and I just know... She txts me she still loves me... and will see me secretly and so on... and she has not changed her relationship status on facebook... wtf do I do??? I love this girl more than anything....
KatZee Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 In a mere 10 months you move in with this girl, she proceeds to fight with you all the time, she beats you? Bites you? Abuses you? You just take it, and you buy her a car? And you love her? If this is reality this is the sickest person and in no way should you be with her. I'm really sorry this wasn't the response you wanted, and you want to some how "fix" this broken person with your love, but that's not going to happen. She needs serious therapy. She's toxic to you and this will never be a source of love, security, or happiness.
Author hrtbrkn777 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 She hasnt always been that way.. I think she may have BPD but I am not for sure ...Its hard for me to give up on someone... when she isn't like that shes the funnest person to be around... her mom is worse though if that helps..
KatZee Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 She hasnt always been that way.. I think she may have BPD but I am not for sure ...Its hard for me to give up on someone... when she isn't like that shes the funnest person to be around... her mom is worse though if that helps.. OK, so if she has some sort of mental disorder, you can't help her. You can stay with her an entire life time claiming that you don't want to "give up on her." She needs to seek help for herself. And the fact she ran home to confide in her equally if not more toxic mother, to make YOU out to be the bad person, she doesn't feel what she's doing is wrong, she doesn't see anything wrong with herself. She needs to acknowledge she has a problem, she needs to want to seek psychological help and medication. If she doesn't do this, it really doesn't matter how "fun" she is. This relationship is not fun.
Chi townD Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 And.....you don't want people telling you to leave her. Okay.... Well...... Hmmm.... Uh.... Sorry, dude. She's got some major issues and I think that you alone can't help her with those. There is NEVER any reason to raise a hand to the person that you TRUELY love. And she did it to you all the time. Sorry, dude. But, I'm trying to get you to look outside the box. There are 7 billion people on this planet and you're stuck on the one that's beating you. Yeah, yeah...I know what you're going to say next, "Well, she's not like that all the time and she can be really sweet and loving." Go to a womens shelter and they'll tell you the same thing. Dude, sorry, But I agree with KatZee. I think you might have to really reconsider your relationship. NO ONE DESERVES TO GET HIT! And you shouldn't have to stand for that.
durentu Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I do have one solution that doesn't involve counseling or separating. If there's a will there's a way and if there's love there, I may have the only choice you got. Get Kinky. Make her the Mistress and you be her boi toy. I'm not being funny here as I have studied and been in dominant/submissive relationships for 6 years now. For a few couples, this power dynamic is loving, truthful and honest power exchange. And they read and explore lots. but here's the big WARNING If there is any slight doubt of love by either you or your girlfriend, one or both of you will be dead or in jail. If you are not willing to leave, this is the only choice you have left. And if you will never leave, then only death or the court can separate you two. Are you ready to place your entire life in her hands as her bitch?
Chi townD Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Are you ready to place your entire life in her hands as her bitch? Ummmm....really?!?! The dude's life just got turned upside down and is upset. And you're suggesting that he be a submissive, wimp (and possibly cuckold) boyfriend? Considering that those types of relationship rarely last due to a lack of respect from both partners? You would just be prolonging his pain.. Best to just end it and let her deal with her issues.
Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I do have one solution that doesn't involve counseling or separating. If there's a will there's a way and if there's love there, I may have the only choice you got. Get Kinky. Make her the Mistress and you be her boi toy. I'm not being funny here as I have studied and been in dominant/submissive relationships for 6 years now. For a few couples, this power dynamic is loving, truthful and honest power exchange. And they read and explore lots. but here's the big WARNING If there is any slight doubt of love by either you or your girlfriend, one or both of you will be dead or in jail. If you are not willing to leave, this is the only choice you have left. And if you will never leave, then only death or the court can separate you two. Are you ready to place your entire life in her hands as her bitch? Really??? What on God's green earth are you smoking? Do not take this advice. Do you really want to be with someone who has mommy issues? Coming from someone who is fresh out of a 2 year relationship with a guy that wished his mom dead and hated women, you are setting yourself up to fail. You cannot "fix" this girl. And she is years away from ever possibly, maybe, even slightly realizing that she has issues. Get to healing, man. Nothing long term can come from this situation. Seeing her "on the side" is just prolonging the pain and hurt and dragging yourself into an even more unhealthy situation that will end in the same way. I wish you the best.
Author hrtbrkn777 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 I know alot of you are right....maybe I don't want to accept the truth... maybe the stuff messed me up and ****ed my self esteem. Because I have this feeling I will never meet anyone again... and this girl is hot. Im no loser either... drive a nice car and im told im very attractive but i feel ill be lonely forever.. I put so much effort into this relationship is whats killing me
Downtown Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 HrtBrkn, I fell in love with a BPDer and was married for 15 years before she walked out on me. By "walked out" I mean she called the police and had me thrown in jail on a bogus charge. I therefore strongly suggest you follow the advice of KatZee and other posters and leave this young woman. If you would like to read what it is like to be in a relationship with a BPDer, please see my several posts in Rebel's thread. They start at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/275289-crazy-i-think-but-i-love-her-anyway#post3398735. If that discussion rings a bell, I would be glad to discuss it with you and point you to good online resources. Take care, HrtBrkn.
Chi townD Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I know alot of you are right....maybe I don't want to accept the truth... maybe the stuff messed me up and ****ed my self esteem. Because I have this feeling I will never meet anyone again... and this girl is hot. Im no loser either... drive a nice car and im told im very attractive but i feel ill be lonely forever.. I put so much effort into this relationship is whats killing me Dude, do NOT feel bad. The only thing that you're proving to me is that you're human with the ability it love and care for a girl. However, you have to love yourself first. I know that sounds selfish but if you can't love yourself then who's ever going to fall in love with you? I truely believe that there's a girl out there that is going to love you for who you are. That at the end of the end, you look into her eyes and you'll be looking at your partner in life (and believe me, you'll know it when you feel it.) she respect you and cherish you and not use you as a punching bag everytime she has a fit! That girl is out there and she waiting for you to find her. But, your never going to find her until you're able to cut this girl out of your life and let her deal with her problems. Believe me, a lot of people on this site have been EXACTLY where you're at right now. And it sucks! I'm not gonna lie! But, people here truely want what's best for you. And being in a relationship that is full of violence isn't it.
Author hrtbrkn777 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 I am going to give a better insight on some of the situations. Here is an example of a recent situation... I am not exaggerating anything either this is all real. I researched her actions and could only come up with Borderline Personality Disorder. The other day she worked a 14 hour shift at work, came home didn't sleep and wanted to go to a water park with her so called "friend" This friend is very manipulative person... Our apartment was broken into not to long ago, her friend said I did it? Really? Yeah I stole my own **** and the Ipad2 I bought her that makes sense. My gf beleived this temporary... "Everyone is saying you did it" Her mom and her friend is very manipulative. Anyways back to the waterpark story she comes home.. around 7pm and wants to sleep. So I let her realized her friend posted my gf hanging out with a bunch of guys at this water park, they were my gfs friends boyfriend and roommate. I beleive nothing went on.. my gf doesn't seem like she would do something like that but I questioned her of course like how come you didn't tell me, who is this person? Yeah I got smacked 8 times in the face automatically and punched in the eye. Things were said like "Shut the **** Up Bitch" "How dare you wake me up" "You ugly basterd" Next day its like it didn't happen... Love you babe etc. Most people are prolly thinking wtf are you doing in that situation... IDK I love her still do IDK why I wish I did... Ive only been a good BF... Ive helped her loose weight like 30 pounds in a gym... in a month. Ive helped so much its rediculous ...If I told her some of my thoughts.. it's like she had no empathy for anything. Once I got bit by a snake at work , a water mocasin... I told her later after being at the doctor. Her response "Ok" shrugs shoulders. Now that she left me her txts show extreme amounts of care, how are u... im so sorry it has to be this way... I will privately see you... Privately? What does that sound like people.
Telaroca Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 The longer you put up with this,your self esteem would be down the drain...and it will be much harder for you to let her go..
KatZee Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 The longer you put up with this,your self esteem would be down the drain...and it will be much harder for you to let her go.. His self-esteem is already in the drain. Hence why he got with a "fixer upper" and why he continues to stay. Listen, you need to start valuing yourself. This chick won't change. It's kind of rare to see these stories, usually the rolls are reversed and it's the woman being beaten into submission. But in this case it's you. You talk like a typical abusee. You're making excuses for her, think that your love can change her, think that she's "good" deep down. Right now you're emotionally addicted to her. That's it. As a whole, this relationship is extremely toxic to you, and it doesn't make you feel very good at all. However, on those brief periods where she's not going nuts on you you can see the glimpse of what it would be like to be in a "normal" relationship. The contrast between the usual toxicity, and OK behavior is such a sharp contrast that it moves you deeply on an emotional level. The relationship as a whole is SO BAD that when she does something "not bad" the effect is impacted on you ten-fold... essentially... you think this relationship is better than it actually is. No good will ever come with staying with her. You need to seek help, a battered shelter, therapy for yourself, a counselor, a close friend/family member. Those who stay with abusers have little self-worth, no self-esteem...they don't love themselves. You need to recognize this about yourself first. 2
Chi townD Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I agree with EVERYTHING KatZee said. (Damn! Girl is really on her game today!) Trust me, it's time to move on and I promise you'll find a girl that would never call you a bitch and slap you around because she knows that you won't hit her back. One day, you're going to look back on this situation and say to yourself, "What the hell was I thinking!" 1
davebla8 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Life is far too short for a life full of needless drama and emotional blackmail! No matter how much breaking up hurts for a while.
KatZee Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I agree with EVERYTHING KatZee said. (Damn! Girl is really on her game today!) Trust me, it's time to move on and I promise you'll find a girl that would never call you a bitch and slap you around because she knows that you won't hit her back. One day, you're going to look back on this situation and say to yourself, "What the hell was I thinking!" BADAAAAAA-BING! We got a "Read 2"
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