Paige1377 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 So if you look through my history you will see a sad history. My ex and I were together for six years and lived together that long...We have an almost two year daughter together. He kicked us out over a year ago and put us on a greyhound bus. I knew in my heart it was for another woman, but he denied it vehemently. Skip forward a year, we have fought and gone through alot, he was caught in that I did find out he was indeed dating this other woman, and I was livid b/c he brought her around my daughter behind my back. I went through a huge range of emotions, missing him at first, hating him, going into a terrible spiral of depression. After six months of us splitting I moved closer to my family and that upset him b/c that put him 12 hours away but it was a good move for my daugther and I. So, I relocated to this new state and my ex does not see his daugther for six months. My daugther and I were doing wonderful, both thriving, I barely even thought about the pain or betrayal of being put on a bus, then bam my ex surprises me with a full custody request for my daughter. We eventually came to an agreement which was fair, but that's not the clencher. The clencher came after we settled. Before we split I knew my ex was cheating on me, just knew it a month before the split and I knew deep in my heart that it was with this woman. About eight months after he and I split he got a job promotion which moved him out the area we used to live in and he said he was doing it alone, that him and the other woman were no longer be together. So while I sat in my cocoon for six months, not having to hear from him or deal with him, I moved on, I was able to grow into a strong independent woman and strong for my daugther. I lost a ton of weight and managed to start a new relationship a year after being single. I was finally becoming me and happy again and my daugther was thriving as well. After my ex and I were able to settle on terms for our daughter, about a week later some paperwork came in and it shook me bad. Not only was my ex still with the woman he left us for, he had moved her down to the new place for his job, had been living with her two days after he kicked us out, and she was living with my cats and all of the things he kept that were mine. I was shocked how much it hurt me, because honestly I did not know why he couldn't have just told me, bc honestly it would have helped me move on so much more longer ago if I had just known about that, but it kept it hidden from me. I was mad, I called him but remained calm, and then he tells me everytime since we agreed on custody he has brought this woman around my daugther. Now, I know with this type of thing I can't control who he brings around my child, and if she is good to her I am not worried, but I am curious why it shook me so? Was it the feeling that he was able to move on before we left and six years meant nothing? Was it the fact that this woman now has the dream life that was supposed to be for my daughter and I? Was it the fact that after all of the crappy things he did to my daugther and I he seems so blissful and I was just then finding happiness. Loveshack, tell me if you guys have ever experienced this. I literally was worked up for two days over this, I even though at one point I was still in love with him while he still had my daugther but once I got her back it knocked some sense into me stat. So my question to you guys is...is it normal to feel like this? I lost my cool...absolutely lost it and he knew it...but I didn't know what else to do since I really thought he was single and that he wanted to see my daugther for him. I am hurt honestly, it really felt like it did a year ago when I was first shell shocked, I didn't eat, was crazy in my thoughts and could barely sleep. I am just curious if these kinds of feelings ever go away...or is it something that will always happen? I waited for so long for that moment of validation for him to try and comeback, but I don't think he's going to....honestly think he's happier with this woman and his new life...but at this point I don't even want him...I think it's the idea of a family that I want at this point. So what are your thoughts? Is this normal?
so_difficult Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 It's horrible but I think it's totally normal. Those feelings are still in there. When we move on in life they get pushed to the back burner, but finding out new things or really encountering anything that brings back memories can push them to the front burner again for awhile. I don't know if the feelings ever completely go away but over the years you get more and more distance from them until it's almost like you're watching a movie. I have not experienced what you have, but I've experienced lots of things like walking in on my husband in bed with someone else - very hurtful things. They still hurt, but not in the same agonizing way. Meantime, sounds like you've really done a great job of moving on in your life. Just keep working on your own future and eventually this past will take its place where it belongs. All the best to you.
Gunny376 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 When a couple first gets together ~ oftentimes ~ indeed more times than not ~ its idealyic ~ almost "other-worldly. I'll light the fire You place the flowers in the vase That you bought today Staring at the fire For hours and hours While I listen to you Play your love songs All night long for me Only for me Come to me now And rest your head for just five minutes Everything is good Such a cosy room The windows are illuminated By the evening sunshine through them Fiery gems for you Only for you Our house is a very, very, very fine house With two cats in the yard Life used to be so hard Now everything is easy 'Cause of you And our la,la,la, la,la etc Our house, is a very, very, very fine house With two cats in the yard, Life used to be so hard Now everything is easy 'Cause of you And our I'll light the fire While you place the flowers in the vase That you bought today Like the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young song "Our House" we create this vision of how our lives will be together. " Your still grieving not so much for him, nor the life you had together ~ but for the propensity of the Promise of the Life you and the two of you once shared together. The Life you should of have had ~ could have had.
Recommended Posts