kaylan Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Ehhhh, I'm not buying that 'negging' equals flirting. You can tease someone without insulting them. My boyfriend and I do it all the time. And flirting doesn't necessarily equal 'teasing' in my book, either. When I flirt, my goal is to make the other person feel attractive. When I'm flirted with, I prefer the same. I guess I'd just rather my partner do his best to make me feel good. I know I go to a lot of effort to do the same. Hmmm....In my experience, delivery of the joke and whether someone likes the other person already has much to do with whether someone will perceive a comment as an insult or jokey flirting. Im a jokster myself and I get away with murder with some things I say to certain women. And I rip on a couple of my chick friends all the time and we just go back and forth. Im sure if we didnt have the rapport we have, that my comments would sometimes seem insulting. But I think delivery has much to do with it. The right delivery makes things very funny and leaves no room for someone to think you were outright trying to insult them. Meh, all in all teasing is good natured fun amongst friends and love interests. Its pretty much a staple of many good friendships. 2
serial muse Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Once, many years ago (long before PUA techniques were common knowledge), I was hanging out with some friends and there was a friend of a friend there who I didn't know. He was doing that weird insulting thing that I now understand to have been negging. But at the time, I was just confused about why some guy I had never met before would bother insulting me out of the blue. It was so awkward. I think that all I did was give him a confused look, and then turn away and talk to my other friends instead. Later, I accidentally spilled a beer on him. Circle of life. 4
kaylan Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Interesting about the whole "common sense" thing. Would negging work on guys? If not, why not? What would be the male equivalent of "negging"? I think a lot of women enjoy being teased, but few enough being "negged." It definitely works on guys. Have you ever seen guys interact? Like DreamDeceiver said, ball busting is the male version of negging. Of course you have to know your friends well and know what lines not to cross. Certain things you dont joke on if you know they are sensitive about it. But honestly, just watch an episode of Friends, or How I Met Your Mother. The cast makes fun of each other all the time and its all in good fun. And in my view, teasing is negging. Backhanded jokey compliments work too. Outright insulting someone and having a serious or sarcastic tone is a different story. Like one of my chick friends was telling me about this creepy dude that hit on her at work the other day. So I say "wow...creepy dudes sure do like you." So she goes "I know...I dunno why". So I go "Maybe you need a make over 0.o ?" And then she goes calls me mean and makes a sad face. But it was all kidding...no seriousness. She will do the same thing back to me at times.
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 "Negging" is dumb. Using a tactic like that to try to get a girl to like you is not a very good idea. The only reason you should ever be mean to someone is because you actually want to be mean to them. And sometimes that's warranted. 3
kaylan Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Once, many years ago (long before PUA techniques were common knowledge), I was hanging out with some friends and there was a friend of a friend there who I didn't know. He was doing that weird insulting thing that I now understand to have been negging. But at the time, I was just confused about why some guy I had never met before would bother insulting me out of the blue. It was so awkward. I think that all I did was give him a confused look, and then turn away and talk to my other friends instead. Later, I accidentally spilled a beer on him. Circle of life. Point made. You cant rip hard on someone you have no rapport with. Dunno why that guy tried. Until Ive kidded around a bit with someone new I just met, I keep the jokes very, very light. You have to get a feel for one anothers personalities first. I only tease certain folks with a personality type I know wont take what I say seriously. Its all about reading people. 3
Mr. Savage Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 PUA is basically a guide to common sense dating. Its over thinking and mental masturbation a lot of the time, but it does teach some guys some valuable things. Honestly, the whole negging thing is simply jokey flirting....basically having fun ripping on one another. I have the natural habit of ripping on my buddies, and especially on girls Im crushing on. And I def love a girl who can go back and forth with me and show me she has some moxy...show me that shes a little spitfire. Its all in good fun...and the girls who can kid around with me like that are the girls Im more drawn to. They are the girls I can be real with and not have to treat differently because she has a vagina. I like being able to kid around with my gal pals like I do with my bros. Makes for the best times when no one in the group is uptight or different about each other just because one has a penis or vagina. All in all, OP I think youre overthinking it. Its possible some guys arent consciously thinking "let me neg this girl". Some guys are like me and just enjoy busting chops, and appreciate a gal whos got the ability to bust right back. I just enjoy the energy that kind of flirting creates. Its kinda like when youre a kid a you poke the girl you like and pull her hair...or how she may punch you cus she likes you. Now as adults we just rip on the people we enjoy lol EXACTLY! Girls who over analyze it and make a big deal of it are either stuck up, have no sense of humor, or just not fun to be around. I joke and play around and "NEG" as you call it with all kinds of women where I work, whether they are unatractive or not. The ones who usually dont get it are the younger hot college girls that are there for summer help. They have no personality and no wit to come back with anything and they are just plain BORING! All they have is their looks and that can only go so far.
Taramere Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Once, many years ago (long before PUA techniques were common knowledge), I was hanging out with some friends and there was a friend of a friend there who I didn't know. He was doing that weird insulting thing that I now understand to have been negging. But at the time, I was just confused about why some guy I had never met before would bother insulting me out of the blue. It was so awkward. I think that all I did was give him a confused look, and then turn away and talk to my other friends instead. Later, I accidentally spilled a beer on him. Circle of life. That story reminds me of incidents back in my student days, in the students' union. Dotted around the student body were loners who would try to interest other people in their vaguely offensive assessments of them. Most people have probably had times when they made an insulting comment that they intended as a joke, didn't quite carry it off and experienced a chilling of the air. It tends to be a sign that you and the other person just aren't going to connect. It can be hard to just walk away from those frosty moments without trying to remedy the situation...but trying to remedy it tends to just make it worse. With some of the oddballs I'm thinking of, from the students' union, they'd get a real bee in their bonnet about other people not gelling with them and their "banter" - and especially with drink, exam stresses thrown into the mix, situations like that could turn unpleasant. A very shy loner digesting PUA theory is probably not going to carry off a neg very well. Of the PUA stuff I've read, there doesn't seem to be much guidance on how they would deal with their neg falling flat/creating awkwardness - beyond adopting various defence mechanisms that are probably just going to intensify the guy's social problems in the long run. 4
serial muse Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 EXACTLY! Girls who over analyze it and make a big deal of it are either stuck up, have no sense of humor, or just not fun to be around. I joke and play around and "NEG" as you call it with all kinds of women where I work, whether they are unatractive or not. The ones who usually dont get it are the younger hot college girls that are there for summer help. They have no personality and no wit to come back with anything and they are just plain BORING! All they have is their looks and that can only go so far. As kaylan pointed out, though, if you're going to tease, it helps if you have wit in the first place. Dumb, misplaced, awkward insults under the guise of negging are just that...awkward. This is absolutely right: Its all about reading people. That's the only "game" that matters. Too many people buy into the letter but not the spirit of this stuff ... if they understood the spirit of it, though, they probably wouldn't have needed to spend a gazillion dollars on books and videos. Far better just not to risk negging, frankly. I'd guess one in a hundred people, at best, can pull it off. 2
Author Janesays Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Like one of my chick friends was telling me about this creepy dude that hit on her at work the other day. So I say "wow...creepy dudes sure do like you." So she goes "I know...I dunno why". So I go "Maybe you need a make over 0.o ?" And then she goes calls me mean and makes a sad face. But it was all kidding...no seriousness. She will do the same thing back to me at times. A guy could pull this crap on me and it would be no big deal. But he would be friend zoned. Immediately. No going back. I just see romantic relationships and friendships completely differently. What I desire and value out of a friend is completely and totally different from an SO. My guy friends can tell me I need a make over all they want. But my man better tell me I'm beautiful exactly how I am. No exceptions. 2
Mr. Savage Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Yeah if you are actually scripting it in your head it will come off as TOTALLY fake and not believable. You have to react to situations, where you are, what is happening, who is there. I see the problems some people are complaining about now if someone came up to a girl or group and it was totally scripted it would fall FLAT on it's face.
serial muse Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I guess that to me the difference between teasing and negging is that teasing is rooted in affection, and has more of an individual, personal focus. It implies "getting" the other person in some way and is fundamentally cooperative. Negging is scattershot, combative, and canned, and is rooted in anger and a desire just to "get over" on the other person. Anger is a major turnoff. 5
verhrzn Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 That's the only "game" that matters. Too many people buy into the letter but not the spirit of this stuff ... if they understood the spirit of it, though, they probably wouldn't have needed to spend a gazillion dollars on books and videos. Far better just not to risk negging, frankly. I'd guess one in a hundred people, at best, can pull it off. This is pretty key. I know from personal experience that trying to learn social skills out of a book is difficult at best. Obviously you could get a little better at it with lots and lots and lots of practice, but if these guys are so ready to get slapped down and rejected with their PUA negging, then why did they fear rejection in the first place? I'm also with Jane that a guy who teases me about my appearance gets immediately friend-zoned, because to me that is a signal he is not interested. Logical really. 1
kaylan Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) A guy could pull this crap on me and it would be no big deal. But he would be friend zoned. Immediately. No going back. I doubt you would do that to me. As I have said...I have great delivery and rapport with people I joke like that with. Youd most likely laugh and joke right back with me. I think you are taking this way too seriously, just like PUAs do. Playful interaction doesnt needs labels (like negging) and all this over thinking. I just see romantic relationships and friendships completely differently. What I desire and value out of a friend is completely and totally different from an SO.But shouldnt your significant other be a best friend? I think most people will agree they want a best friend out of their SO too, and someone they can kid around with. My guy friends can tell me I need a make over all they want. But my man better tell me I'm beautiful exactly how I am. No exceptions. Its called a joke...and obviously youre one of those girls that doesnt know how to take one. You dont sound like fun at all....just being honest. You sound like one of those girls that a guy constantly has to tip toe around and watch what he says cus you get upset at the littlest bit of kidding around. A makeover joke is hardly a big deal. Especially if the girl already knows I find her to be pretty to begin with. Its a simple joke on the fact that creepers try to hit on her. No biggie. Edited August 2, 2012 by kaylan
Bob_Funk Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Well, I've never been in the company of a guy who had to use PUA 'techniques' in order to "get his needs met." How utterly laughable. One would have assume only unattractive guys have to lower themselves to that ridiculous level, because the ones that are attractive and have their lives in order usually have enough confidence to get the job done on their OWN merit. Any of these dick-bags that have to resort to this nonsense can pay a hooker $40 to get their "needs met." Hey Bob, you want some cheese with that bitter whine of yours? Well, I don't want to sleep with the likes of you or the fat, unfeminine, cellulite-ridden soccer moms your male acquaintances are sleeping with anyway. And I can afford the expensive ones. Thanks mom and dad for giving me a high iq.
Author Janesays Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 I doubt you would do that to me. As I have said...I have great delivery and rapport with people I joke like that with. Youd most likely laugh and joke right back with me. Of course not. I can see myself being friends with you. We'd joke. We'd kid. No big deal. But we'd never, ever, ever sleep together. Its called a joke...and obviously youre one of those girls that doesnt know how to take one. You dont sound like fun at all....just being honest. You sound like one of those girls that a guy constantly has to tip toe around and watch what he says cus you get upset at the littlest bit of kidding around. Uhhh....if you say so. I think I'm a ton of fun to be around and so do most of my friends. And I've never had any 'problems' with my boyfriend tip toeing around my feelings. But he's naturally not that type of guy. He's a very complimentary person, in general, not just with me. Which is one of the reasons I love him so. He's the kind of person you just feel GOOD being around. Then again, maybe you would find me stuck up and no fun. No big deal. We could just be friends or nothing at all. I have no need to impress you or anyone else as I've already found my match. *shrugs
kaylan Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Of course not. I can see myself being friends with you. We'd joke. We'd kid. No big deal. But we'd never, ever, ever sleep together. I still dont buy what you are selling. Again you are reading way too much into simple kidding around. Im glad I dont come across many women like you to be honest. Uhhh....if you say so. I think I'm a ton of fun to be around and so do most of my friends. And I've never had any 'problems' with my boyfriend tip toeing around my feelings. But he's naturally not that type of guy. He's a very complimentary person, in general, not just with me. Which is one of the reasons I love him so. He's the kind of person you just feel GOOD being around. Well for fun loving guys who value a good time, and dont value having to tip toe around someones uptight nature regarding small jokes, you dont sound fun to me. Sorry. If your bf can deal with that, then I guess you have a match. Again, I think you are too uptight regarding simple jokes. If your own bf cant even kid around with you, then oh wells. Then again, maybe you would find me stuck up and no fun. No big deal. We could just be friends or nothing at all. I have no need to impress you or anyone else as I've already found my match. *shrugs Meh...whatever works for you.
veggirl Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Okay so I gather that "negging" is like teasing someone for whatever... yeah that does happen to me. I get teased by guys cause of the bands I like, being a vegetarian... I never thought of it as a PUA "technique" I thought of it as teasing / flirting. Even now that I know the word, hell no I would not assume the guy doing it is PURPOSELY using PUA techniques. Cause I don't think the majority of dudes even KNOW what PUA is. It took me foreverrrr of reading LS before I figured it out lol. So I mean I take it for what its worth. It's an attempt at flirting with me. Whether it works or not is case by case, but I would never be thinking "pua technique" cause most likely it's just...not. An attempt to pick up yeah but not like, read from a website I don't think. I mean you gals really assume that if a guy "negs" you it's because he read to do so online or whatever? Just seems bizarre. 1
Author Janesays Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 I still dont buy what you are selling. Again you are reading way too much into simple kidding around. Im glad I dont come across many women like you to be honest. Well for fun loving guys who value a good time, and dont value having to tip toe around someones uptight nature regarding small jokes, you dont sound fun to me. Sorry. If your bf can deal with that, then I guess you have a match. Again, I think you are too uptight regarding simple jokes. If your own bf cant even kid around with you, then oh wells. Meh...whatever works for you. Jeez o man, what is up with inability of men around here being completely unable to disagree with someone without insulting them? I am politely debating your premise while still trying to respect you as a person. You respond by calling me stuck up, no fun, putting my relationship down, uptight, etc. And now you go as far as saying my boyfriend isn't a fun loving guy? Rude, just rude. I'm not rude to you like that, am I? Of course not. I am not so attached to my opinions that I would lash out, unprovoked, lash out at someone just for disagreeing. Well, hey. If you can't debate like an adult, I'll sit in the sandbox and play your little game. Personally, you come across as childish, immature, and obnoxious. Which is probably why your 'friends' would rather bust your chops than F you silly. Sorry!
kaylan Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 (edited) Jeez o man, what is up with inability of men around here being completely unable to disagree with someone without insulting them? I am politely debating your premise while still trying to respect you as a person. You respond by calling me stuck up, no fun, putting my relationship down, uptight, etc. And now you go as far as saying my boyfriend isn't a fun loving guy? Rude, just rude. I'm not rude to you like that, am I? Of course not. I am not so attached to my opinions that I would lash out, unprovoked, lash out at someone just for disagreeing. Last out? lol No...Im just being honest with you. Take it or leave it. Well, hey. If you can't debate like an adult, I'll sit in the sandbox and play your little game. Personally, you come across as childish, immature, and obnoxious. Which is probably why your 'friends' would rather bust your chops than F you silly. Sorry!Lmao....actually I dont hook up with FRIENDS. Thats why they are FRIENDS. Ive learned to value female friends after losing a few in the past because we decided to cross into the hook up or romantic zone. Anyways...please do cry moar. I can you my honest opinion about how you come off. You do come off as not much fun and a bit uptight. If you see that as an insult then thats your problem. Edited August 3, 2012 by kaylan
Author Janesays Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 ^Just being honest with you. Take it or leave it. I'm glad I don't come across many men like you. Then again, most of the men I know can get a point across without rolling around in the mud like a pig. Then again, most of the men I know are semi intelligent and definitely NOT low class. You dishonor yourself and your opinions when you equate 'honesty' with cruelty. Then again, if that's the kind of man you want to be, who I am to stop you? Hope your family is proud.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 That's really cold. Pickup artistry IS a joke, but that doesn't mean you should mock guys who practice it. They're just trying to get their basic needs met. And while you probably find the though vomit-inducing, regular guys have the same needs as the Channing Tatums of the world. If they are trying to get their basic needs met via insulting me, they they can take the mocking. Are you obsessed with Channing Tatum??? If he insulted me I'd mock him, too. 2
borkus Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Jeez o man, what is up with inability of men around here being completely unable to disagree with someone without insulting them? I am politely debating your premise while still trying to respect you as a person. You respond by calling me stuck up, no fun, putting my relationship down, uptight, etc. And now you go as far as saying my boyfriend isn't a fun loving guy? Rude, just rude. I'm not rude to you like that, am I? Of course not. I am not so attached to my opinions that I would lash out, unprovoked, lash out at someone just for disagreeing. Well, hey. If you can't debate like an adult, I'll sit in the sandbox and play your little game. Personally, you come across as childish, immature, and obnoxious. Which is probably why your 'friends' would rather bust your chops than F you silly. Sorry! Jane, what's the point of the thread? Nobody that I know of talks about using negging anymore. Most of the guys that I know that are into pickup look down on negging as a cheap gimmick. If you take care of your appearance, have great body language, and feel good about yourself, you don't need to use negging. You are already preaching to the choir. A lot of people both PUA and non-PUA have criticized the use of negging. And you know what? Your side already won. I don't know why you are talking about something that was fashionable in 2005. It makes about as much sense as criticizing guys for wearing fedora hats or having long beards. Approach at a 45 degree angle. Use your opinion opener and false constraint. Drop a neg. Use your routine to demonstrate higher value. Once you get three indicators of interest, you can start showing interest in her. Nobody talks like that anymore because it is weird. I don't understand why you're so upset over something that most people have already rejected.
Author Janesays Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Jane, what's the point of the thread? Nobody that I know of talks about using negging anymore. Most of the guys that I know that are into pickup look down on negging as a cheap gimmick. If you take care of your appearance, have great body language, and feel good about yourself, you don't need to use negging. You are already preaching to the choir. A lot of people both PUA and non-PUA have criticized the use of negging. And you know what? Your side already won. I don't know why you are talking about something that was fashionable in 2005. It makes about as much sense as criticizing guys for wearing fedora hats or having long beards. Approach at a 45 degree angle. Use your opinion opener and false constraint. Drop a neg. Use your routine to demonstrate higher value. Once you get three indicators of interest, you can start showing interest in her. Nobody talks like that anymore because it is weird. I don't understand why you're so upset over something that most people have already rejected. I'm not upset. If you read my second post, you'd see that I meant for this to be FUN thread for the ladies about silly men who neggd us and how we handled it.
brahmabull117 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 women here are just stupid. women can use boring lines from hello, what do u do, do u have a girlfriend, where do u live...and get laid. if men ask women how r u, where do u live, what do u do, women get bored and walk away. a neg is kind of like a push pull tease. it is only to be done on very hot women. majority of the women here are plain janes. problem is women can get laid and date anytime they want since men are easy. so these women expect men to pickup women easily especially if the guy is good looking. i know guys who can be super models but just dont have the confidence to approach a girl and cant handle rejections. its easy for women to criticize men when women just sit on a bar stool and just have to nod if they want to go on a date. men have to be confident, charismatic, not too easy, not too desperate, make the women interested, be different than other men, while she sits on the barstool wondering where can she fit u on her schedule. guarantee majority of these women would still be virgins if it wasnt for there vagina.. majority of these women here have no personality and will never be married. hit it and quit it Is this guy for real? Do they allow computers in mental institution?
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