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I need to make a confession...this is why it's so hard to leave my boyfriend...

Leopard

By Leopard
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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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Thank you brahmabull117 :)

 

I don't know if you are being nice to be supportive, or if you genuinely mean it, but regardless, thank you for at least being kind enough not to throw harsh slurs my way :)

 

Out of curiosity to all the posters here (except for the motherf*cker at post 51), what would your reaction be if you found out your partner had this illness? (Assuming you have been dating for a few months) and honestly.

brahmabull117 Established Member

brahmabull117

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Oh silly girl what will more likely happen is that when a more attractive richer guy finds out about your issues he will run or pump and dump you. Why you may ask? Because he has options, Mr. Poor and Unattractive doesn't which likely led to him being able to accept you. Take note gentleman hypergamy comes natural to ALL women.

 

 

 

Ignore this post. If OP really is good looking and successful, there's no reason why she shouldn't demand somebody who at least close to being equal to her

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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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^ That's the thing though. This illness takes away from my "beauty". I am naturally pretty without makeup, but no one will ever know that because of the problem I have.

 

I love walking around without make up, but I don't look normal without it. So all this "beauty" equates to how well I do my makeup that day.

 

I very seldom have good months where everything grows back. During those months, i get many compliments. So you can imagine how sh*tty I feel when I ruin myself and have to cover up again.

 

It's a self-inflicted ugliness. That's exactly what it is.

 

And Mme. Chaucer, I really hope you are very supportive of your daughter. My mother was a b*tch about it and called me ugly everyday. She always put me down and threatened to expose me to everyone if I didn't stop.

 

I want you to understand that this made everything worse and is a huge part in why I have so much trouble recovering.

ColoredBlack Member

ColoredBlack

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Having been in your "bfs" shoes recently It does suck that he cannot be accepted like he accepts you.

 

You really should put him out of his misery. Or in this case put him into his misery.

brahmabull117 Established Member

brahmabull117

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Thank you brahmabull117 :)

 

I don't know if you are being nice to be supportive, or if you genuinely mean it, but regardless, thank you for at least being kind enough not to throw harsh slurs my way :)

 

 

Harsh slurs? LOL for what? I'm telling you it's not that big of a deal. You make it sound like you're some terrible human being who has committed grave atrocities. I'm telling you it's not that big of a deal

 

 

Find a psychiatrist who can help you deal with this issue. It's caused by internal mechanisms that likely can be fixed if you're willing to address it head on. You just gotta not be scared of it, as tough as that may be

 

 

In terms of my girlfriend having this issue, as long as I knew she was taking some steps to help improve and hopefully eventually eliminate this problem, then why would I care? Guys aren't that shallow

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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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Are you happier now that everything is out in the open?

 

Or does some part of you wish she kept "lying" to you so you could live your dream a little longer?

 

Just curious. Since you are on the other side now.

ColoredBlack Member

ColoredBlack

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Are you happier now that everything is out in the open?

 

Or does some part of you wish she kept "lying" to you so you could live your dream a little longer?

 

Just curious. Since you are on the other side now.

 

Well its gonna make him bitter. But prolonging it certainly make it all the worse.

brahmabull117 Established Member

brahmabull117

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My mother was a b*tch about it and called me ugly everyday. She always put me down and threatened to expose me to everyone if I didn't stop.

 

 

Some people really shouldn't be allowed to be parents. That's beyond atrocious

 

 

But yea, talk to somebody who can help you because it's all internal. Once the internal issues are fixed, the problem will go away naturally - think of it as treating a disease - you treat the source, not the symptoms if you want the best results

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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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Well its gonna make him bitter. But prolonging it certainly make it all the worse.

 

Do you hate her now? For doing this to you?

 

Or are you at least understanding of why she left you and kept prolonging it?

 

Probably doesn't apply since my situation is entirely different. I just hope he will understand, bitterness aside.

ColoredBlack Member

ColoredBlack

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Do you hate her now? For doing this to you?

 

Or are you at least understanding of why she left you and kept prolonging it?

 

Probably doesn't apply since my situation is entirely different. I just hope he will understand, bitterness aside.

 

Well at first it may not be pretty regardless.

I don't hate her at all but I do hate love.

manup Established Member

manup

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Ignore this post. If OP really is good looking and successful, there's no reason why she shouldn't demand somebody who at least close to being equal to her

 

She has issues though and that's the whole point of my post. The guy she really wants isn't her equal. I'm not trying to be mean it's the truth, it's female hypergamy.

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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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And who is to say that those men don't have a problem of their own?

 

What, just because mine has physical side effects then all of a sudden i'm not worthy of a good looking man?

 

This is exactly what i'm talking about. That's all men say. "You have to be hot to get a great guy". Looks are SO emphasized when it comes to women, which makes it so much more difficult to have this problem.

ColoredBlack Member

ColoredBlack

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And who is to say that those men don't have a problem of their own?

 

What, just because mine has physical side effects then all of a sudden i'm not worthy of a good looking man?

 

This is exactly what i'm talking about. That's all men say. "You have to be hot to get a great guy". Looks are SO emphasized when it comes to women, which makes it so much more difficult to have this problem.

 

Yet you judge your bf for not being attractive?

Why shouldnt other men judge you?

 

Sadly we all judge and get judged.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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And who is to say that those men don't have a problem of their own?

 

What, just because mine has physical side effects then all of a sudden i'm not worthy of a good looking man?

 

This is exactly what i'm talking about. That's all men say. "You have to be hot to get a great guy". Looks are SO emphasized when it comes to women, which makes it so much more difficult to have this problem.

 

Not that I am not sympathetic because I am but why should a woman not be good looking if she wants a good looking man? Is not fair that a person be able to deliver what they demand of others?

 

I am not trying to insult you but why should anybody not be judged by their own standards?

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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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I don't judge him for how he looks, I am simply not attracted to him. I never said that HE in GENERAL is not attractive, just not to ME.

 

Women go after him all the time, so I know it's a subjective thing.

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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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Not that I am not sympathetic because I am but why should a woman not be good looking if she wants a good looking man? Is not fair that a person be able to deliver what they demand of others?

 

I am not trying to insult you but why should anybody not be judged by their own standards?

 

Well I am good looking, only my problem gets in the way of me being able to show that off to the full extent.

 

There is no offence here. Attractive people should expect in others only what they can meet themselves. I meet everything, only this problem keeps me from some things like mascara and letting my hair blow in the wind.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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If a guy met everything you wanted and you were into him would you give him a chance if he had similiar issues?

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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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Of course. Oh my goodness of course I would.

 

I know what it's like to live with something that emotionally handicaps you from even loving yourself. I would never ever reject a man for this reason. Although I wouldn't want him to share it with me upfront. I would want it to come out naturally as the relationship developed.

 

I revealed myself to my boyfriend about 7-8 months into the dating.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Getting back to the topic I would just tell him that you are not feeling it in a romantic way and that it would be unfair to keep dragging this out and you are letting him move on with his life.

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brahmabull117 Established Member

brahmabull117

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Of course. Oh my goodness of course I would.

 

I know what it's like to live with something that emotionally handicaps you from even loving yourself. I would never ever reject a man for this reason.

 

 

I'm telling you find somebody who is qualified to deal with issues like this in terms of any form of self harm. He/She will help you work through it and once the mental issues are resolved, you'll naturally stop doing it

 

 

 

Stop bashing yourself or loathing yourself. Everybody has problems. It's not the end of the world. Your hair will grow back and it will stay back if you're willing to deal with this problem head on

 

 

 

Continuing to loathe yourself for it will turn a small huge into a disaster. You gotta just forgive yourself and understand that it's a problem that can be solved with enough effort

mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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Hmmm ... I understand why it is that you feel a special connection to him. But, you are not the only one who ever is/was a cutter. But, just because you confessed this to him does not mean that it will forever connect you somehow. You are telling the forum that you feel it's time to move on from him, there is no shame in that.

 

Should you encounter someone who asks about those scars, you just say to them "Oh that's ... A long story." And leave it at that, perhaps you will open up to them once you know them.

StrangeBehaviors Established Member

StrangeBehaviors

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What's wrong with the guy again?

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manup Established Member

manup

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Hmmm ... I understand why it is that you feel a special connection to him. But, you are not the only one who ever is/was a cutter. But, just because you confessed this to him does not mean that it will forever connect you somehow. You are telling the forum that you feel it's time to move on from him, there is no shame in that.

 

Should you encounter someone who asks about those scars, you just say to them "Oh that's ... A long story." And leave it at that, perhaps you will open up to them once you know them.

 

She's not a cutter she pulls her hair out.

brahmabull117 Established Member

brahmabull117

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Leopard, your mom really is an awful person for doing what she did. Do people not understand basic human psychology? How does shaming and making somebody feel awful and inadequate help deal with a problem like this? It's just rubbing salts in a wound. That's just astonishing. Family is supposed to be the #1 source of support

 

 

For most of my life, I have felt terribly inadequate and inferior to women due to some really horrible conditioning in high school so I have spent friday night after Friday night after Friday night home alone and feeling awful about myself. My god, if I had a dad who made me feel like I was a pathetic loser and a complete failure as a man for not being able to get a girl, I would have committed suicide

 

 

Bottom line I'm trying to get at is that you shouldn't pay attention to her words or the words of anybody who is not supportive. Many of us have irrational problems that have a very destructive impact on our lives and we need our friends and family to support us while we fight these demons. Bottom line here is that if you take small steps to fight this problem, no decent man will dump you because of it and hopefully eventually you can fix both your problems - finding a guy you're attracted to and your current "illness" - which I would consider more of a disorder than an illness. Cancer is an illness to me

 

 

Reason I'm really trying to get this message through is that all your posts in this thread reek of self hatred. That's the worst thing on the face of the earth for dealing with any problem. You're just beating yourself up over the head with a baseball bat over and over and over again, in the meantime you turn a simple wound into a gigantic gashing bleeding mess. Get help and stop feeling like you're committing a crime or you're a horrible person. I imagine your mom was the biggest reason for why you have developed this complex because she made you feel like you were doing something horribly wrong by choice. Ignore her words, she's an awful person for saying those things and just try to be positive about the situation. That's one of the hardest things to do (to be positive when you feel like you're in a helpless situation) but that's the key to recovery

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xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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Okay so you cut yourself... have you ever been hospitaliazed for suicidal tendencies or been put under suicide watch? I'm not going to sympathesize with a girl who chooses to stay in a relations hip she doesn't want and then externalize that problem someone else. And I do have a tight to be mean and condescending right now because I too have selfharmed in the past but I never used it as an excuse to stay with somene I don't like. Face it you might always have those scars but you forget they do fade. Are you even getting any help? It's one thing to use your bf another to continuously cut. I suggest you think long and hard about what you want for the future because no matter what those scars will have to show themselves one way or another.

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