VictoriaLyn Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I recently posted what happened between me and my ex. For the past two months I have been wondering whether or not I was too hard on him. He said dumping me was one of the hardest things he had to do and I should have some compassion for him( of course his point was made invalid by the fact he began seeing some one new not even a week after he ended it with me after claiming he just didnt have time for a relationship). However I have been told my a mutual friend that I should pity him because he has been potrayed as a villian and has damaged alot of his relationships with our friends through his treatment of me. So should I pity him? Have any of you ever found yourself feeling sorry for the guy or girl who broke your heart?
KatZee Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I recently posted what happened between me and my ex. For the past two months I have been wondering whether or not I was too hard on him. He said dumping me was one of the hardest things he had to do and I should have some compassion for him( of course his point was made invalid by the fact he began seeing some one new not even a week after he ended it with me after claiming he just didnt have time for a relationship). However I have been told my a mutual friend that I should pity him because he has been potrayed as a villian and has damaged alot of his relationships with our friends through his treatment of me. So should I pity him? Have any of you ever found yourself feeling sorry for the guy or girl who broke your heart? My ex said the shame sh*t. Stop it. He said he was hurting, it was the hardest thing, he gave me the crocodile tears, and then he's busy lying right to my face. And who's fault is it that he's portrayed as a villain? Certainly not yours! You were a great girlfriend, as was I! He's making a series of terrible choices (do not confuse these with mistakes) and he doesn't need any pity from you. This new girl can wipe up his messes. 1
TheBetterPerson Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Feeling sorry for your ex!!! DO ME A FAVOR!!!! Are you joking! like the last comment im sure he can cry to his new girl! THE CHEEK! If he dumped you and said it was the hardest thing to do, then gets with a new girl, HA!!! Talk about someone wanting to feel sorry for himself! Yes forgive him for what he did to you, but certainly dont pity him, pity the new girl cause she has all that to look forward to! CAUSE IT WILL HAPPEN TO HER!!!! 1
jmjacobs31 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 My ex said that same thing... He cried the day he kicked me out of our home. He posted on facebook "this has been the worst day of my life" and crap like that. But this didn't stop him from trying to sleep with a girl he works with the day after he ended our 12 year relationship and didnt stop him from getting naked pictures sent to him from someone he went to high school with and didn't stop him from trying to screw a few other girls before I even had my stuff moved out of OUR home. If he was really that sad he would have taken time to grieve and not try to **** the first thing that walked by. I don't feel sorry for him one bit. He defiantly has been portrayed the "villain" in our breakup and is screwing up some friendships along that way but its only because of choices he made.
Appleness Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Tell your "mutual friend" that you don't care. Seriously, how many bad people can you feel sorry for? And who is feeling sorry for you? Do yourself a favor and avoid this friend altogether. From personal experience, the friends that really are mutual friends (ie ones that care about you too) will not say stuff like that to you. They'll just avoid you or not talk about it altogether. The ones that do say stuff like that are obviously on his side. Sorry to be so blunt but it's true. For me, my ex's family was "always on my side" through every argument. Why? I was the one who consoled when she had cancer and he didn't even ask how she felt, ever. I bought toys and presents for his nieces and nephews. Helped for all holidays and birthdays. Meanwhile, I neglected my own friends. When I finally reached my tipping point (not cried or begged or pleaded when he broke up THIS time), what did his sister say? "I don't think it's fair for you to blame him for you not getting to do this you wanted. He would never let that stop him. Your biggest problem is that you were thinking as a 'we' and not a 'me'". This is coming from a woman who hasn't worked in about 5 years and is divorced with 2 children (marriage lasted <2 years). Even after the breakup she came complaining to me that her brother didn't get her son anything for his birthday and didn't even pay his own ticket to a movie they watched together. (In case you're wondering, this man is in his 30's and has a corporate job.) Moral of the story: in this case, there are only 2 sides: yours and his. Until you heal completely, you need to disregard ANYTHING people say to you that puts blame on you. It's NOT your fault. You should feel no guilt, unless you cheated on him or killed his dog or stole from him or you were a man an didn't disclose this when you started dating. Good luck!
fificremefarben Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 No way, don't feel guilty for him. He dumped you, possibly for another girl. Don't even think about him if he was stupid enough to let you go. Just focus on yourself . Chin up x
Jamesblame Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) Don't feel guilty or bad for your ex.... but moving on is all about forgiveness. After a relationship ends, we're all wracked with guilt and anger. After all...our dreams have been shattered. Forgiving yourself for your past mistakes (so long as you learn from them) is crucial to rebuilding your self esteem. Forgiving your ex is important...not for them, but for you. The only person affected by your anger and resentment is you. So, you give yourself a gift when you learn to release those toxic emotions. My ex lead me on, was abusive, cruel, and manipulative well beyond the length of our relationship. She did everything to keep me dangling and involved even though she was unashamedly exploring her options and casually dating. Do I trust her now? no. Do I think she's a good person? Not really. But I forgive myself for not realizing who she really was at first. I also forgive her for her immaturity. She either lacks extreme character or is extremely messed up in the head. I don't really care. She can't hurt me unless I trust her again, but for her past transgressions I forgive her and absolve her of my resentment. I don't need that baggage following me around. Edited August 2, 2012 by Jamesblame
SeventhFloor Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Forgiving someone is for you. It means that YOU no longer harbor resentment and anger towards their actions; however, it DOES NOT by any means negate their responsibility. I saw this post here on LS somewhere, from a long time ago, and saved it. I apologize to the author, who NEEDS to be credited, but I did not write down their username... so please, if anyone remembers who wrote this give them due credit. It was not me. "You're making an empty gesture to relieve your own pain when you say the words, "I am sorry," without any intention of changing. When you have no plans to behave differently to back up those words, they are essentially self-serving. They take a weight off your shoulders and leave everyone else in the same situation." I pity my ex only in that she is completely immature, shallow, and undoubtedly a very distraught person to have so little self-respect, such a lack of morals, and practically non-existant values (however she tries to cover it up -- deep down, she is SELFISH to the very marrow). However, I do not feel bad for her whatsoever. She made her bed, she now has to lay in it.
Mike_d Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 holding on to resentment and anger towards another person is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. as SeventhFloor pointed out, you forgive for yourself. incredibly hard to do, but very worth the effort
DMS Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I forgave my ex about a month after she broke up with me when I asked her to move out. I know she did not want to go back to living with her mom but she did and that one gesture allowed me to let go of the anger I held at her decision to leave me for someone else. Unlike some I do feel bad for her as well not only is she in a relationship she is unsure of ( she told me that he didnt want her to move to pennsylvania with him but she did anyway ) but she also has missed out on the rewards of some of the things I was working on while we were together that I always hoped I would be able to share with her.
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