jobaba Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 When you are causing yourself a heartache you are doing yourself a disservice If I'm getting attracted to the wrong person (ie someone I can't date, doesn't reciprocate, married, etc) I cut them out of my life as soon as I can rather than carry on and allow it building up. Yup. I realize that now ... and it only took me 20 years of post-pubescence. That's why I say regret is sometimes better than rejection. Everybody laughs at that notion, but it's true. There were a few women that I was smart enough to pull the plug with instead of pursuing and seeing it through, and in retrospect it saved me a lot of heartache and bitterness. Which is a good thing, because I have bitterness to spare.
Author monkey00 Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Oh sure. Just because someone is attracted it doens't mean you will have a relationship with them. Many many hoops to jump through for both True. But consistency would be nice. Inconsistency without a good excuse is kind of a red flag for me.
Author monkey00 Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Yea, I just saw that now. Becoming true friends with a woman and falling for her is stupid. But that is REALLY stupid. Yup it's kind of foolish. I would not pour all my time to be friends with someone and have it blow up in my face. Unless it was agreed upon that it would turn into something real. Just about all the women in my life I keep at arms length in my social circle - I feel like this is the best approach without investing too much time while giving you the freedom to explore a romantic possibility if you saw her in that light one day. Again back to the old men and women can't be friends scenario...
Leopard Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Never. You can take it slow without having to be "friends" first. I never understood that. "Lets be friends first" is another way of friendzoning a guy and then rejecting him nicely. If a girl wanted you as a bf, she would never say that.
xxoo Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I'm looking for a best friend and I'm sure there are women who are looking for the same... I can understand that. I married my best friend. But there was always strong sexual tension between us from early on. That's why we started dating, instead of just being friends. 1
somedude81 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Agree with bolded Yes the OP spoke of friendship first with the view of turning it into a relationship later. Yea, I just saw that now. Becoming true friends with a woman and falling for her is stupid. But that is REALLY stupid. I've done both. Developing feelings for a friend who I had zero interest in, and becoming friends with a girl I was interested in. Both ended horribly. I'm not going to go down that road again and I'll have to set up some roadblocks just to make sure. It's most likely going to result in more loneliness but I think it's better than getting attached to a girl I can't have. I can understand that. I married my best friend. But there was always strong sexual tension between us from early on. That's why we started dating, instead of just being friends. Ah sexual tension. The magic something that determines if a girl is interested or not. If I knew how to work that, I wouldn't be having my problems.
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