monkey00 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Just wondering how much % of girls out there want to take the slow road and be friends with a guy first (and really get to know them) before being lovers and exploring the romance side of things. I would assume this approach matters most to girls who aren't that social or don't really have much dating experience. I'll take any answers but are there any girls on LS that are like this?
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Just wondering how much % of girls out there want to take the slow road and be friends with a guy first (and really get to know them) before being lovers and exploring the romance side of things. I would assume this approach matters most to girls who aren't that social or don't really have much dating experience. I'll take any answers but are there any girls on LS that are like this? I would love to be friends first! It never happened that way though. I also don't believe in friend zone. If I am attracted to a guy, I am attracted to him, regardless of his approach. 2
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Being friends first hasn't worked for me, I tried it once or twice but it was a poor indicator of romantic compatibility. Now I just prefer to approach it from a romantic point of view when I'm interested in someone. 1
irc333 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Then why do I keep seeing "Friendship first' in dating profiles written by women? Those are the ones that generally prompt me to write those ladies specifically....since that's my style usually.
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Then why do I keep seeing "Friendship first' in dating profiles written by women? Those are the ones that generally prompt me to write those ladies specifically....since that's my style usually. For the same reason why it's your style too.
somedude81 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I've never had a friend thing ever turn into anything more.
irc333 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 For the same reason why it's your style too. Doesn't really answer my question. lol
xxoo Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Then why do I keep seeing "Friendship first' in dating profiles written by women? Those are the ones that generally prompt me to write those ladies specifically....since that's my style usually. Because they don't want to sleep with anyone early. They want to get to know him first. But even in the "friends first" scenario, women know early on if there is any chance of ever becoming more. Either they are sexually attracted, or they aren't. If they aren't, no amt of friendship is going to develop into romance.
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Doesn't really answer my question. lol Everyone has their reasons. You feel you want to know a woman better that way first. I feel it wastes my time because friendship compatibility hasn't meant romantic compatibility to me in the past. There is no logical explanation, it's just that we see things differently. I had guys that approached me and told me that they wanted to be friends first, I declined. It's not my style.
maybealone Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 All but one of my serious relationships started as friends first. I think that had partly to do with how we met -- if we are coworkers or I am a customer in his store, for example, it's better (IMO) to make sure there is some sort of connection there rather than jumping in and risk making things awkward down the road. Also, sometimes when I get to know a guy's personality he becomes way better looking in my eyes. I have met some men and thought they were okay looking, but then after becoming good friends with them I get to the point where I just want to rip their clothes off every time I see them. I don't think I really have a preference though. If there's a spark and we jump right into dating, that's fine with me. If it's a situation where it's better to be friends first, then that works for me too.
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Also, sometimes when I get to know a guy's personality he becomes way better looking in my eyes. I have met some men and thought they were okay looking, but then after becoming good friends with them I get to the point where I just want to rip their clothes off every time I see them. Me too, it's sort of happening to me now with someone. I prefer to get to know someone before I start dating them a little bit BUT I don't consider them friends. I keep them at a distance in that sense, it can definitely kill attraction and sexual tension.
xxoo Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 also, sometimes when I get to know a guy's personality he becomes way better looking in my eyes. I have met some men and thought they were okay looking, but then after becoming good friends with them I get to the point where I just want to rip their clothes off every time I see them. Yes, this happens in natural interaction with people IRL. But I don't understand how people could choose to be "friends first" with someone on a dating site and hope that maybe it happens. How long would you give it for sexual attraction to develop? Keep in mind that the man was probably attracted from day 1.
maybealone Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Me too, it's sort of happening to me now with someone. I prefer to get to know someone before I start dating them a little bit BUT I don't consider them friends. I keep them at a distance in that sense, it can definitely kill attraction and sexual tension. I should add that in all cases where I have been friends first, there has always been some level of flirtatiousness. And they weren't guys I was hanging out with multiple times a week. In other words, we weren't close friends, and most often it felt (to me, at least) like there was always at least some potential there. 1
RiverRunning Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I am. My first relationship, I literally knew him for THREE WEEKS before we were dating. I really think that if I had gotten to know him for a little while, that initial 'charm' would have worn off and I would have seen him for the crappy person that he was. I may have never gone out with him...or maybe I would have ignored it and gone out with him anyway out of desperation. Second boyfriend (and soon-to-be-husband) and I talked on-line for close to a year before meeting in person. Then we were friends in-person for about 4 months before we started dating. We still had a rocky beginning, but that was more of my fault: I saw the problem signs all through our friendship and I never spoke up about how it bothered me. I just kept silent because I figured that was the better route for dealing with problems. I was so stupid when I was younger. Getting to be friends with a guy, and slowly getting more and more involved with him, gives me the option to bail before I get too emotionally invested. It's a little easier to extricate yourself. I would advise anyone to do the same. Even when I was on dating sites, all of my messages to the guys were quite platonic. And I was most responsive to the same guys who approached me as a stranger they wanted to get to know over lunch or coffee. 1
somedude81 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Me too, it's sort of happening to me now with someone. I prefer to get to know someone before I start dating them a little bit BUT I don't consider them friends. I keep them at a distance in that sense, it can definitely kill attraction and sexual tension. That's one thing I don't get about women. Attraction and sexual tension are so important that they override everything else. And losing those things because you get close to the guy........ But that's just how women are. So men have to be a "mystery." Again A man with nothing in common at all with the woman, who has a personality that might even clash with her, but is very good looking and knows how to manipulate tension is somehow seen as a better romantic option than a guy who has many things in common, gets along very well, and good times a plenty but isn't as good at constructing chemistry.
jobaba Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Just wondering how much % of girls out there want to take the slow road and be friends with a guy first (and really get to know them) before being lovers and exploring the romance side of things. I would assume this approach matters most to girls who aren't that social or don't really have much dating experience. I'll take any answers but are there any girls on LS that are like this? You have 2200 posts and you still need to ask this question? Are you that bored at your job? For men who are very desirable, it often works out, but then they wouldn't be on here asking this question. For men who are of average or lesser desirability, it's not a good idea. Low odds...
Revolver Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Once a woman sees you as a "friend" it's pretty much over. Time to move on to women who might like you "in that way".
jobaba Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 That's one thing I don't get about women. Attraction and sexual tension are so important that they override everything else. And losing those things because you get close to the guy........ But that's just how women are. So men have to be a "mystery." Again A man with nothing in common at all with the woman, who has a personality that might even clash with her, but is very good looking and knows how to manipulate tension is somehow seen as a better romantic option than a guy who has many things in common, gets along very well, and good times a plenty but isn't as good at constructing chemistry. MOST women are like this. And most of your interactions with women come from LS, a dating forum. Of course it's going to filled with women who want emotion, true love, good looks, and Prince Charming. IRL, there are women who are more cold and rational about dating. My sister is like that. She's a physician. She's not very emotional about relationships. She treats men very much like companions in a compatibility sense, stays friends with them usually and all that jazz. Find 'em...
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 That's one thing I don't get about women. Attraction and sexual tension are so important that they override everything else. And losing those things because you get close to the guy........ No, getting close to a guy 'as a friend'. Since I am capable of emotional control, I can be friends with men as well as lovers. I choose one or the other. I have the ability to make that choice however. But that's just how women are. So men have to be a "mystery." Again Huh? It's the difference between a friend and a lover. Nothing to do with 'mystery'. I know you don't get the concept of social capital so there is no point in my explaining it. A man with nothing in common at all with the woman, who has a personality that might even clash with her, but is very good looking and knows how to manipulate tension is somehow seen as a better romantic option than a guy who has many things in common, gets along very well, and good times a plenty but isn't as good at constructing chemistry. A lot of this is about social skills yes. Knowing how to be friends with someone or knowing how to build up to being potential lovers. The two things are not the same. As always, social skills are paramount. 1
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 MOST women are like this. And most of your interactions with women come from LS, a dating forum. Of course it's going to filled with women who want emotion, true love, good looks, and Prince Charming. IRL, there are women who are more cold and rational about dating. My sister is like that. She's a physician. She's not very emotional about relationships. She treats men very much like companions in a compatibility sense, stays friends with them usually and all that jazz. Find 'em... I suppose it is like that if you don't get the opposite sex at all. To me it's not hard to distinguish between friendship and romance.
EasyHeart Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 There's a huge difference between "friends first" and "just friends", but I think there are a lot of people out there who aren't quite bright enough to distinguish between the two. You have to be sure both of you have the same understanding. 3
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 There's a huge difference between "friends first" and "just friends", but I think there are a lot of people out there who aren't quite bright enough to distinguish between the two. You have to be sure both of you have the same understanding. It's getting to know someone first while minding your boundaries (to me that's not friendship) vs being friends. I think some people need to understand what friendship is in the first place perhaps.
jobaba Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I suppose it is like that if you don't get the opposite sex at all. To me it's not hard to distinguish between friendship and romance. There's nothing to get Emilia. Last I checked, men and women are both mammals descended from apes. Some women have a large emotional component, others don't. Some men do, some don't. You think Hillary Clinton married Bill because she had butterflies? Gender role is all media influenced and pre-programmed. Girly-girls are a turn off for me. It's just not my style.
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 There's nothing to get Emilia. Last I checked, men and women are both mammals descended from apes. Some women have a large emotional component, others don't. Some men do, some don't. You think Hillary Clinton married Bill because she had butterflies? Gender role is all media influenced and pre-programmed. Girly-girls are a HUGE turn off for me. It's just not my style. I'm sure I'm not yours... So I was right, you don't get it
jobaba Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 So I was right, you don't get it That's right and I never will. I'm proud of me and I will find someone who is too...
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