k100danny Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Basically Me and my ex split up 7 weeks ago, we spoke after the break up and we obviously both still had some feelings then i said if we weren't getting back together then please don't contact me ect. she moved on very quickly after this or I think she did and we haven't spoken since. I blocked her and told her to return one item of mine and that was it. No nasty messages or anything, all very respectful. Basically I tend to think im starting to get over this BUT. I still cannot bring myself to go through her things and pack them up and send them back to her parents, I don't plan on keeping the things but seeing them and being bale to smell her perfume on them I am unsure how i will react if i do this now. I know I would be upset and I just don't quite think I'm ready to let that stuff go yet and cut the final thread. I don't look at her stuff or sit thinking about it being there but i just can't get up the courage to send all of her stuff back, I wouldnt have to contact her to do this or anything. I have personal things like things from when she was a child, teddy bears, a blanket that was handmade for her, clothes ect, The other weird thing is one of my drawers still has a lot of her underwear in 9don't freak out this isn't some psycho stuff) when i need something out of that drawer I cant look to that side, It's like seeing her stuff there will hurt me and I just don't even want to see it. I know I should just pack everything up and get it out of my house, nothing is in a place where i can see it apart from the stuff in the drawer i don't want to see so it isnt a constant reminder, but should i go through it all now and risk it bringing back lots of memories or wait until I don't care and do it then? also is this normal? I feel a bit weak not feeling up to letting go just yet.
headsashed Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I would personally get rid of all her stuff,seeing her underwear daily is still bringing feelings up so why put yourself through this daily? getting rid now will hurt only once,yeah its the final piece but you have to move on so get rid. Just my opinion though.
TaraMaiden Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) ..... I still cannot bring myself to go through her things and pack them up and send them back to her parents, I don't plan on keeping the things but seeing them and being bale to smell her perfume on them I am unsure how i will react if i do this now. I know I would be upset and I just don't quite think I'm ready to let that stuff go yet and cut the final thread. This should not be a decision based on emotion. this is a decision based on law. Has she asked for her property back? If she has, you have no right to retain it. All this 'possession is nine-tenths of the law' is bull-do's. What you must do, is to outline the property you consider to be hers, in a document, and ask her what she would like done with each item. Then, comply. When you receive an answer - or yet again, if you don't - tell her that unless this property is dealt with by either being picked up by her or an appointed representative, you will dispose of it in *days* from the date of this letter. I don't look at her stuff or sit thinking about it being there but i just can't get up the courage to send all of her stuff back, I wouldnt have to contact her to do this or anything. then you really should do what is right, take the initiative and deal with it. This isn't love - you won't feel any better or worse disposed towards her, emotionally, whether you keep the stuff or not. I have personal things like things from when she was a child, teddy bears, a blanket that was handmade for her, clothes ect, Then you already know these items will be important to her. Why do this to her - and to yourself? The other weird thing is one of my drawers still has a lot of her underwear in 9don't freak out this isn't some psycho stuff) when i need something out of that drawer I cant look to that side, It's like seeing her stuff there will hurt me and I just don't even want to see it. Then either get your sister or your mom, or failing them, a female friend, to get them out and into a bag, for you. sorted. Look, I realise this is painful, truly I do - but this is just silly.... I know I should just pack everything up and get it out of my house, nothing is in a place where i can see it apart from the stuff in the drawer i don't want to see so it isnt a constant reminder, but should i go through it all now and risk it bringing back lots of memories or wait until I don't care and do it then? You already HAVE the memories, doing all this won't bring them back, it will just bring them to the fore. Once you're done, they'll recede again... and waiting is a dumb idea - how long do you think you're going to give yourself until "you don't care"...? At this rate, it could be a year, and you're just prolonging the agony.... also is this normal? I feel a bit weak not feeling up to letting go just yet. It's normal to not want to let go, emotionally. On a practical level, concerning property, you have to get your act together. it's better in the long run, and if you don't do it, it will just end in tears. Edited August 2, 2012 by TaraMaiden
Skalabanan Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Danny you know the answer to this deep down. Give her back her property and move onwards and upwards.
Author k100danny Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 It's not that I am withholding her property she hasn't even asked for it back. I have asked for my property back that hasn't yet being returned to me and is very valuable but its not like I am holding her stuff here if you get what I mean. I totally plan on giving her her stuff back I would never keep her things thats not me at all. I have assured her her stuff will be returned but i have to send it to her friends house because she is now away travelling, she has never actually asked for all of this stuff back but I do agree i would never keep anything of someone elses especially not a sentimental item I'm just struggling to kind of get round to doing it as I don't want to break and break no contact. She has a watch of mine im sure any of you who have read my posts will know that is very expensive and was given to her to remind her of me while she went travelling for the summer, she said she would return this over a month ago and as of yet no sign of it. I fully trust that she will return the item to me as i will with her stuff I'm just really having trouble even thinking about sorting all the stuff out as when i went to do it before i could smell her perfume ect and i just got very emotional. I feel I am doing quite well at the moment though and dont want a huge set back. as I say she is in no rush for the things she will b away for a few more months yet at least so I just wondered if i should try and put myself through it now or wait until i feel it wont affect me as much? I do need to get someone to move all of her underwear out of one of my drawers though as i literally will not even look to that side of the drawer when i open it as I don't want to see it.
TaraMaiden Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Get someone else to do the lot. Ask them to come round, hand them a suitable empty box, and start with: "I need a huge favour: here's what I want you to do...." Do it. I promise you, you'll feel so much better when this is done and dusted... Take the stuff round to her parents, and ask them politely to remind your ex, that when she can, you'd appreciate your watch back... go with someone, you need the moral support. (and a witness.... ) you don't have to do this on your own. But you DO have to do it....
Mike_d Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Get someone else to do the lot. Ask them to come round, hand them a suitable empty box, and start with: "I need a huge favour: here's what I want you to do...." Do it. I promise you, you'll feel so much better when this is done and dusted... great idea
Chi townD Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Get someone else to do the lot. Ask them to come round, hand them a suitable empty box, and start with: "I need a huge favour: here's what I want you to do...." Do it. I promise you, you'll feel so much better when this is done and dusted... Take the stuff round to her parents, and ask them politely to remind your ex, that when she can, you'd appreciate your watch back... go with someone, you need the moral support. (and a witness.... ) you don't have to do this on your own. But you DO have to do it.... Hell, I'd do it. But, it would cost you a case of beer though..
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