Pending Temporary Hearing, one last love letter to my wife.

[Gaprofitt]

To my lovely wife,

 

It’s been over a month since you left. I am still as heartbroken today as I was the first day. I know you are still hurting also. I know you miss our home, and everything that comes with being at home and the comfortable surroundings like our precious Nursery for our son. I cry at night just thinking to hear your voice. I wonder how I can comfort you when I can’t. We both want a loving family, please join me in accomplishing that task. I want to eliminate hurtful words, resentment, control and the things that destroyed our marriage. I have let go of fear and anxiety to live a much calmer life which is a radical change for me. We can do this, it will be the most powerful and rewarding experience you could ever do. We could even write a book about it and how rewarding it was fixing our relationship at the brink of divorce and saving our family. It will be beautiful and touching if you give me a chance, you will be swallowed with love, respect and honor. Things will never return to where we were at.

 

I am at a loss without you and our son in my life. I don’t know how or why I didn’t make a strong effort to change until you left. My counselor has told me she thinks we both held a lot of resentment and anger toward one another until it finally exploded. I need both of you in my life more than anything in the world. I miss you and our son more than words can describe.

 

I know you know I have made a strong commitment to changing my behavior and the issues leading up to your departure. I’ll be totally honest, I have been working extremely hard with counselors, group therapy and other means. There is a huge difference already, is the task complete? No, I will continue to work for months and years coming. My devotion to our marriage will be unflappable. I need my wife to support her husband for our marriage and our family.

 

I know rebuilding trust can be a slow process and you have reluctance to move forward with our marriage based on some of your comments about me changing enough. I am and will be a changed man for our marriage, I need some level of forgiveness for us to begin our journey for our family. It’s not going to be easy but please consider trying before our divorce proceedings. No one will ever look down on you for trying to save your family and marriage, you would be blown away about the difference in me if you were to give it a try.

 

Divorce is in my opinion harder than fixing our marriage, the doom and gloom divorce just seems overwhelming. Please believe in me when I say things be night and day different. I don’t feel remotely the same about our relationship now than I did in the past. I understand so much more about what is going on both with your feelings and what I am experiencing. Together we can do this for our son, you have to let go of your anger and let’s be a team.

 

I’ve been trying to think up a plan that would allow us to work on our marriage but allow you to not make a full commitment as I know you are not sure of all the changes I have made and how I have changed… I really really want to show you though. I am telling you that you would be blown away if you give me a chance.

 

Here is my plan, please consider it for our family.

 

I want you to postpone or see how long you can delay the temporary hearing.

 

For your emotional needs as well as our son’s needs I want you to move back into our house as a stay at home mom. This will be comforting to you with the familiar and everything that comes with being at home. I will pay all the bills and do anything you request to make you comfortable.

 

I will move out into an apartment on a 6 month agreement, I will visit you and our son as often as you are comfortable. Hopefully this would be a gradual process allowing you to open up and see the new me as we go through this process. I fully respect your boundaries and what you are comfortable with.

 

This suggestion gives me an opportunity to show you how committed I am to change and we could also start marital therapy. It also provides you an easier means of keeping distance between us until you are comfortable.

 

I will do everything in my power to show you the love, respect, devotion and caring haven’t shown for years. I will go as slow as needed for you. I’ll stay away 5 years if that’s how long it takes to heal your wounds.

 

In this method or approach you can still proceed with divorce later if things don’t work out. I am telling you they will, I am a changed man who is working hard.

 

Provided after say a year or two things are going very smoothly and after we are living together again I want to have another baby with you. That was the best experience of my life. Watching you as a mom is uplifting and powerful, it is something to behold and something I miss watching greatly. You are a wonderful mother. I would love to go through that process again with you, laying in bed feeling the baby kick, laughing and smiling because you are craving a pickle, it was so amazing. I miss my son so much, living in an empty house is torture. He needs me and my family, he needs your family, he needs us to build a loving home we are proud of.

 

I know you know how passionate I can be about working on things, I want to do this badly, I want it to be a huge success story, I want us to write a book about it and how overcame the brink of divorce. I want to write in the book we are now happily married, two children, 4 and 2 years of age. You just have to let go of your anger and realize what we have isn’t a waste of time, we just have to do some serious remodeling.

 

I pray nightly your heart will open and your strong instincts as a woman will believe in fixing our family and our marriage. Our son needs me greatly as a full time dad and you need a loving, supportive spouse who I will be I promise. Please consider moving back home and postponing the divorce, I will move out immediately into an apartment nearby. We can set ground rules for what

I can and can’t do, don’t visit at all for the first week, gradually showing you that am truly changing and you will see the new me. I will totally respect your desires and wishes no matter how hard they are.

 

We need a family together, it’s never too late to see my passion and commitment to you. Divorce will destroy us both financially and will hurt all of us. Please see my passion and commitment to undoing the harm and hurt I have caused over the years.

 

Please think about me moving out and giving our marriage a shot, seriously please don’t take this lightly. I think the chance for success is very high given my commitment to change, moving out and doing anything for you. I know you want to be back home. Please think about this plan, it gives me a chance but also protects you. If for some reason things didn’t work out I would help you pay for an apartment also so I could see Carter and we could get divorced. I want to show you what I can do. I need the opportunity to show you how things can and will be.

 

I know we had a counselor planned for tommorow, i'm hoping we can still do that.

 

I love you,

 

Greg

Edited August 2, 2012 by Gaprofitt

[Gaprofitt]

Everyone don't be scared to reply or comment. . I love this woman and i'm doing so many things to turn things around myself personally. It's been hard to look in the mirror but I've made great progress with two counselors, group therapy and other classes I have been to. I go to counseling twice a week.

 

I'm just so upset because I can see myself changing, people at work have commented that I seem so much easier to talk to. I no longer feel angry all the time, the relief from that part has been gigantic.

 

I barely sleep because I love this woman and my son so much, I have lost over 30 pounds. I am eating better now.

 

I have been reading a lot of books also on self help at the recommendation of my counselor. My counselor said I am truly on a mission to fix the issues I have with myself. She is hopeful given my effort my wife will have a change of heart given the age of our son. I know forgiveness is very hard, i'm trying to save my marriage because I want to be a Dad, not a part-time Dad.

 

 

Please say a prayer for her and me, I love her and i'm worried about her greatly. She is so beautiful and I need her so bad in my life. I get to see my son this weekend so i'm very excited about that.. I can't wait.

 

I know I can't live the past, i've said a lot of hurtful things I can't take back I fully regret and didn't mean. I need my family so bad.

 

Greg

Edited August 2, 2012 by Gaprofitt

[petterr]

Hi!

 

Sorry about your situation!

 

The letter is one thing but your stich is another! Do tell us more about why you two ended up were you are today!

 

A couple of things I thought about reading your letter:

 

I understand you want your wife back. Its obvious! ! But you are pressuring her! Really pressuring her! Have you sent it? Your letter is full of your thoughts, dreams and hope. ( I can relate) but what about her thoughts, dreams and hope. What does she want and why?

 

First things first. You dont tell a person you have changed! You show her. And that takes time!

 

Reading your letter makes me really feel for you but in my opinion your going about it the wrong way!

 

Do tell us more about your stich!

[TaraMaiden]

You can read a precis of his story here....

[petterr]

Thanks TaraM!

 

Well...

 

If the woman doesnt want to she doesnt want to! As hard and simple as it sounds I still think you just have to accept the situation as it is. Nothing you do at this point will MAKE her change her mind. Her actions are very clear about that! Sorry!

 

But this is now and later is then... Once again! You dont tell a person you have changed, you show her. As I see it thats he only option you have. She knows whay you want!

[Gaprofitt]

Hi!

 

Sorry about your situation!

 

The letter is one thing but your stich is another! Do tell us more about why you two ended up were you are today!

 

A couple of things I thought about reading your letter:

 

I understand you want your wife back. Its obvious! ! But you are pressuring her! Really pressuring her! Have you sent it? Your letter is full of your thoughts, dreams and hope. ( I can relate) but what about her thoughts, dreams and hope. What does she want and why?

 

First things first. You dont tell a person you have changed! You show her. And that takes time!

 

Reading your letter makes me really feel for you but in my opinion your going about it the wrong way!

 

Do tell us more about your stich!

 

 

I got so scared when she left a month ago, I did exactly what you are not suppose to be, I smothered her with emails and I panicked.. She is living about 2.5 hours from me. She has probably seen the letter on here.

 

My belief is ultimately she left because she didn't think we could be a family which is her ultimate dream. We had trouble having a baby and finally did and he is precious. She was so hurt by my resentment and anger toward her over the years. I became controlling and would cuss at her and say very hurtful things out of Anger. Trust me I take a ton of the blame which is why I have been doing Counseling and various other classes. I know it doesn't hurt less but nothing I ever said I meant and i'm not justifying it, saying it is completely wrong. I have learned in counseling to accept her the way she is, not try to change her or manipulate her. I love her the way she is, she is beautiful, sweet, kind and very honest. She is a sweetheart of a woman.

 

I haven't talked to her in a month and i've begged and pleaded for answers, how do you feel, what are you thinking, is there anything I can do for you? I've took her cards and have tried to talk to her when I visit but she is so angry. Next time I visit this weekend I'm not going to talk to her, i will probably break down but I don't want to hurt her by saying things, she knows i'm lost without my family and how hard I will work on things, she knows how passionate I am. I know she is beyond hurt about some of my hurtful words, I regret that so much and i'm learning quickly to control that via therapy. I would love to know her thoughts and feelings, she has shut me off except for a little bit of info. I know she misses our home, our cats and probably our area we live in.

 

I'm really upset because I know a family is all she ever wanted, we were so happy when he was born, I have never been so happy in my life. All of my issues are completely fixable and i've admitted I have problems, I don't know why she doesn't believe and will not stand by me and our marriage. That hurts so bad. It's like all of a sudden I mean nothing. It wasn't all arguing and bickering, we had some tremendous times together, especially on vacations and going places.

 

I will do anything for this woman and my family, I know how important it is to her, that's the main reason I am fighting so hard to convince her to try again with me. I know that's painful for her which is why I offered to give her space and move out of the house and work slowly.

 

I know she just wants to be happy, as do I. We both love being parents and as mentioned she is an incredible mom. I barely see my son now and she doesn't seem to care which just kills me. She's not working and i'm not paying child support. I have $150 and 9 bills in my hand and credit card debt that is rising. I don't know how I can possibly make it financially.

 

I know 100% in my heart if she would let go of her resentment and pain and forgive me we could fix our marriage, I know it would take time, I would have to give her space, we would both need to get marriage counseling as well as continue individual counseling. I know her self esteem is low as I was beyond demanding over the years. I for sure have anxiety that has been treated, I feel so much more calm that I use to. I have also noticed I can listen better. I have looked in the mirror and have made some changes and will continue to do so.

 

I guess i'm sort of freaking out now as our temporary hearing comes up soon. I feel like once we hit that there is no turning back. I would do anything to talk to her but she will not talk, she probably knows how passionate I am about our relationship and doesn't want to hear it. She knows how motivated I am, she knows I would make changes, she just is having trouble forgiving me which I understand. I wish she would think more about our son and him having a father full time. I also want another child once we reconcile and she is glowing with happiness in our home. I would go above and beyond her expectations if given a change, she would be blown away.. I have let go of my anger and resentment toward her and realized life is too short to get angry about small things. That was 99% of my issue with cursing at her.

 

I hope and pray she sees my heart and can forgive me for our family. I don't want her to regret her decision..

 

Greg

[Gaprofitt]

You can read a precis of his story here....

 

Thanks, I should have included that.

[darkmoon]

the same person who says "I want to eliminate hurtful words, resentment, control " and also says "I have been working extremely hard with counselors, group therapy and other means" leads me to point out how quickly - virtually work free - behaving well comes into the picture when dealing with a boss who they want a raise from, likewise if somebody bigger than them tries to pick a fight "hurtful words, resentment, control" are never hard to stop in these two instances - so what is so hard about changing right now?

[Gaprofitt]

Thanks TaraM!

 

Well...

 

If the woman doesnt want to she doesnt want to! As hard and simple as it sounds I still think you just have to accept the situation as it is. Nothing you do at this point will MAKE her change her mind. Her actions are very clear about that! Sorry!

 

But this is now and later is then... Once again! You dont tell a person you have changed, you show her. As I see it thats he only option you have. She knows whay you want!

 

 

Ohh I understand that, it's 100% her decision. It's a huge decision though, it will impact a lot of people the rest of our lives. I think it's worth working on and not giving up. I would be married to this woman the rest of my life.

[Gaprofitt]

the same person who says "I want to eliminate hurtful words, resentment, control " and also says "I have been working extremely hard with counselors, group therapy and other means" leads me to point out how quickly - virtually work free - behaving well comes into the picture when dealing with a boss who they want a raise from, likewise if somebody bigger than them tries to pick a fight "hurtful words, resentment, control" are never hard to stop in these two instances - so what is so hard about changing right now?

 

A lot of the stuff I have already changed, the other items I feel like I need more work on to make sure I can control my emotions in those situations. I have been practicing this with the therapists to choose healthier paths when I an upset and or angry. Relieving my anxiety is a huge step toward that which I have accomplished.

 

Greg

[Gaprofitt]

Thanks TaraM!

 

Well...

 

If the woman doesnt want to she doesnt want to! As hard and simple as it sounds I still think you just have to accept the situation as it is. Nothing you do at this point will MAKE her change her mind. Her actions are very clear about that! Sorry!

 

But this is now and later is then... Once again! You dont tell a person you have changed, you show her. As I see it thats he only option you have. She knows whay you want!

 

 

I realize i'm probably fighting a losing battle, i'm just not the type to give up for something I believe in. I know this has set me back emotionally but I will fight for something I love and believe in. I want to have another child with my wife and I want to build a loving family. I just can't get over losing my family, I can't accept that because we can fix all the issues. We can fix 70% of the issues immediately.

[Art_Critic]

I wouldn't put in writing anything that can be used at a later date against you.. say in court.

If you were both living together and working thru issues that would be different but you are not.. and the hearing is scheduled.

 

Be careful what you put in writing.. even on here..

 

Do you have an attorney ?.. you should.. you can be handed your ass in a temporary hearing without being represented...

 

With all that being said.. I hope your letter gets her to open her heart enough to let you back in so you both can work on rebuilding your family...

 

Good luck....

Edited August 2, 2012 by Art_Critic

[Gaprofitt]

I wouldn't put in writing anything that can be used at a later date against you.. say in court.

If you were both living together and working thru issues that would be different but you are not.. and the hearing is scheduled.

 

Be careful what you put in writing.. even on here..

 

Do you have an attorney ?.. you should.. you can be handed your ass in a temporary hearing without being represented...

 

With all that being said.. I hope your letter gets her to open her heart enough to let you back in so you both can work on rebuilding your family...

 

Good luck....

 

Yes I have an attorney, a very good one. Thanks for your words, i'm trying to reach her heart, I know it's there. I know she cares about our family and doesn't want things this way. I want to give her space to hopefully change her mind and try for our son and our marriage.

[petterr]

I will do anything for this woman and my family, I know how important it is to her, that's the main reason I am fighting so hard to convince her to try again with me. I know that's painful for her which is why I offered to give her space and move out of the house and work slowly.

 

 

You are not giving her space even though you think so! You mean well and Ill give you credit fot that! But you cant change her mind. She has decided!

 

If you want her back you should slow down and let her go! Its easier said than done! But you cant change her mind. Only she can! The more you try the more she will push you away! She doesnt want you or anything you have to offer right now. Sorry! When a marriage ends hope is lost. At least for her.

 

The only way you are going to get somewhere in this situation is by letting her go! No pressure! No nothing!

 

She is at a point of no return!

 

But again! This is now... Sorry for being so blunt but accept the facts! Only time will tell!

[darkmoon]

Greg - please listen to all of us, we're all right each for our own reasons, but even if things take a turn for the worse i know of remarriage for a couple of couples who remarried each other a while after court proceedings: namely Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner (I think it was those two celebrities) and my friend's parents

[Gaprofitt]

I will do anything for this woman and my family, I know how important it is to her, that's the main reason I am fighting so hard to convince her to try again with me. I know that's painful for her which is why I offered to give her space and move out of the house and work slowly.

 

 

You are not giving her space even though you think so! You mean well and Ill give you credit fot that! But you cant change her mind. She has decided!

 

If you want her back you should slow down and let her go! Its easier said than done! But you cant change her mind. Only she can! The more you try the more she will push you away! She doesnt want you or anything you have to offer right now. Sorry! When a marriage ends hope is lost. At least for her.

 

The only way you are going to get somewhere in this situation is by letting her go! No pressure! No nothing!

 

She is at a point of no return!

 

But again! This is now... Sorry for being so blunt but accept the facts! Only time will tell!

 

I understand, it helps me to talk about it. The way she acts has destroyed me on the insides, some of the comments and the way she just looks at me is very painful. I guess if I keep getting hurt over and over again eventually I will have to give up, that's beyond sad because that's so hard for me to do. Also her keeping my son from me has been the worst of all, I am a tremendous father. I sit and bed everynight for hours and wonder why she will not let me see him except every other weekend. I think that will be changing soon.

 

Greg

[petterr]

Sorry about your situation with your son! It must be horrible and kind of cruel an her part! If my ex took my D avay from me I would... Well something horrible!

 

Know this! Letting go is also fighting! You must come to terms with the things you can control! And for now its you! Only you!

 

Fighting for someone you love is also respecting their decision even though you dont feel the same. It has to do with respect and right now you are not respecting her wishes!

 

Its crap! I know!

[Gaprofitt]

Sorry about your situation with your son! It must be horrible and kind of cruel an her part! If my ex took my D avay from me I would... Well something horrible!

 

Know this! Letting go is also fighting! You must come to terms with the things you can control! And for now its you! Only you!

 

Fighting for someone you love is also respecting their decision even though you dont feel the same. It has to do with respect and right now you are not respecting her wishes!

 

Its crap! I know!

 

I guess the truth hurts. Thank so much for your help, I am for sure a passionate person so it's not easy to give up. I don't want to date other people and all that, thinking of that makes me sick. I know, I just have to move on. I have to realize that all I can do is do what i've done. If she doesn't believe it i'll have to eventually give all my passion and love to a new partner, that just sucks though.. She deserves it so much.. Someone else is going to get the new me and my new attitude and adjustment and she will not.. That's hard to swallow.

 

Greg

[petterr]

You need to stop!

 

Dating and women are off limits! You need to work on you! No one is going to fill the void! Stop thinking about the future and deal with today!

 

I know the feeling! Dating and being single is scary! And to be honest... Do you need another person to help you feel good about yourself!

 

Spend time with friends, learn to enjoy the company of you, block your thoughts about her!

 

Im nine months post BD and we had no problems like you guys! I knew nothing before she broke down and said she didnt want to be married anymore! I still dont get it!

 

We all understand your pain but you do everything in your power to feel good about you. Thats tje only thing you can control!

 

And yes! There are tons of woman out there! But ther are still there in a year or two!

[Gaprofitt]

You need to stop!

 

Dating and women are off limits! You need to work on you! No one is going to fill the void! Stop thinking about the future and deal with today!

 

I know the feeling! Dating and being single is scary! And to be honest... Do you need another person to help you feel good about yourself!

 

Spend time with friends, learn to enjoy the company of you, block your thoughts about her!

 

Im nine months post BD and we had no problems like you guys! I knew nothing before she broke down and said she didnt want to be married anymore! I still dont get it!

 

We all understand your pain but you do everything in your power to feel good about you. Thats tje only thing you can control!

 

And yes! There are tons of woman out there! But ther are still there in a year or two!

 

 

No i'm not even thinking about dating, i'm not remotely ready for that. I need to spend time alone and with friends to heal before that will be a option, that may be quite awhile from now.

 

Greg