KS11 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I've been on LS for while now and read A LOT! Many similar stories to myself and frankly i never thought id get to a position where i thought this way but i just wanted to, in whatever small form, provide some hope or solace to whoever might read this. I just wanted to say to all those who can't or aren't with the people they love, for whatever reason...one day you WILL wake up and think to yourself enough is enough. For me this happened a couple of days ago, and maybe its just a phase, but as of right now i feel closer to accepting that girl i love more than anything, the person i feel closer too than anyone doesnt feel the same. I've spent the last 2 year almost making excuses to why this could be, but ive finally realised that no matter what i feel, i cannot love enough for the both us to work. We're not even doing the NC stuff, only i decided to reduce how much i put into the relationship and it just shows who was keeping things going all this time. I think what has made this easier somewhat, is that fact that i know this girl is no longer who i fell in love with 2 years back. Do i still miss her? of course..so much. Would i say yes if she said lets give it shot, most probably, but the one thing i have felt...is that i certainly cry less, think about her less, which in itself is heartbreaking...i almost feel some guilt in that, like im forgetting her or what we had. But i keep reminding myself these thoughts are just with me, not her. Like i say, maybe in a couple of weeks, i'll be back to crying all the time etc, but today, i've accepted it. And thats truly is the hardest part. I take great relief in knowing that i tried everything i could, i laid it all out and as far as being mean or abusive towards her goes, i never did anything wrong. It takes time to get here, this much im sure of, but i promise you, this point will come, where you just say, im done. That's not to say im not petrified of whats gone.
Tyler. Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Hey KS11, i've read your stories and i want to tell you, yeah someday it all goes away. I don't know if you've dated many girls or not, but i've had many failed relationships and no matter how intense it was or how long it was, the feelings are often similar after these break ups. You think to yourself, am i gonna find someone better, am i ever gonna love someone again etc... In another thread you said that she strung you along for 2 years and didn't respond to your affections. Sorry to hear that but some people are like that. Lots of people just want to give themselves a self-esteem boost, so they just flirt and nothing more. Some people just want to spend time like this and not want to have a serious thing, it's their choice. You will forget about her once you realise that, she made her choice. There is nothing you can do, and if there were anything you could do, i would suggest you didn't. If you've made your feelings clear to this girl, that's it. And if she didn't feel the same, ok then move on. Think of this, even if she did want to get together, could you trust her? Who knows if she isn't flirting with other guys, just for the fun of it? My advice is, improve yourself. Yes, work out, read self-improvement books, dive into school/ work. Just be the better version of you. It's not just to pass time, it is to be a better person so that better people are attracted to you. Once you start improving, you'll also feel better. And once you start improving, she and everyone who did wrong by you will feel they've made a mistake. I can't tell you how many of my exes want me back right now, including the one that broke my heart. It's because i work hard, i read, i go out, i work out. I started doing these just to pass the time, just to stop thinking of her. But in the end it made me realise how there are many girls around that are better looking, more respectful and thrustworthy than my ex. And by improving myself and taking care of myself, i've seen how badly she treated me, and how i didn't deserve that. I don't know if you've worked out much, but whenever i do, i feel better. Just by working out, it gives me a feeling of accomplishment. I say to myself ''I'm not wasting countless hours sitting alone in my house, i'm not crying, i'm doing my best. I'm trying to be better.'' That alone makes me better, knowing that i'm at least trying, makes me feel better. I'm not telling you to forget her, life and time handles that situation. But don't dwell on the small stuff, don't let time go so fast because you're in this planet for a short amount of time. Try to be happy as much as you can, it will all end one day. And when it does, you'll see that she doesn't matter. She didn't make you happy, so go and find someone who does. But before that, make yourself happy.
Author KS11 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Hi Tyler, thanks for reply! Turns out i think my 'acceptance' was premature! She was on holiday for that week so i think it just made our reduced contact understandable. However now she's back all the same emotions have come flooding back with force. I just find the whole concept of going NC so difficult, but in saying that the contact with have now doesnt leave me satisfied at all as im always wishing for more! Im really at a loss of what to do. Every time i say to myself ok thats it, this is last message i'll send, i fold. I don't want to 'dont speak to me' because i know it will come across as angry, which i am bit, but i dont know, i just dont want to but like a final nail in the coffin if that makes any sense. But equally, i cant seem to just ignore it when she gets in touch either. And then theres always this glimmer of hope that now shes moving to live really near that something could happen (distance was a factor before), as unlikely as it is, its still something. Im sure this is all coming across as pathetic. It just seems to me, either way its going to be impossible.
Tyler. Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Hey dude, can you give me some insight on your relationship and break up, so i can tell you what i think. You've talked about how you're handling this situation, sometimes moving on and sometimes looking back, which is usually how it goes. I've had phases similar to that. You just have to keep going. Like you'll think about her of course, you never forget someone that was important once. You just think of them less and less. I sometimes think of all my exes, my highschool sweethearts, college gfs and everything. Not dwelling on them or crying after them, just thinking. And you'll do the same, time will make it easier. About NC, it's for your own good. Like the moment after you send a text or calling her, you'll feel bad. You'll say i shouldn't have done that. Because what you may learn may hurt you, and in a vulnerable state you don't need any extra obstacles. I know how you think of her over and over again, and even thinking of her is hurting you. See in a way, you're hurting yourself. But we can't help it, it only gets easier over time. So you don't need to add any extra obstacles to your recovery. Just let time handle its thing, it will all get better, i promise. 1
Author KS11 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Hey mate, i really do appreciate your words! I would go into detail about my relationship, but honestly im not too sure where to start and im sure many on here are sick of reading about it already! I think, like ive known for months now, that NC is the only thing i can do. I imagine eventually a point will come where i just have to go ahead and rip the bandaid off. I know it must sound cliche, but it just seems so much harder as i really dont see myself meeting someone as beautiful as her again, nor do i want too. But i guess its time to face facts, theres no other way but to ignore any further contact....i guess?
Tyler. Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 i really dont see myself meeting someone as beautiful as her again, nor do i want too. Come on are you kidding me ? There are millions of people out there. Beauty is not rare dude, there are beautiful girls everywhere. It's just you that thought she was the most beautiful girl on the planet, and that's because you loved her. This is why i asked for some insight about your break up, so i would point out what she did wrong in my opinion. Like if she cheated, let it go. She lied, let it go. Not fully committed to you, let it go. As for her being the one, you choose your one and only. How you act, what you make of yourself, what personality traits you have will determine the person who is the most compatible with you. When you find her, it will be different from all your exes, all your relationships. I'm not talking about a fairy tale, there may be fights arguments and so on, but when a person truly loves someone, they try their best not to hurt them. After realising this, my approach to my ex changed. She said lots of mean things to me, calling me a liar, two-faced and everything, even though i never lied to her. I realised that she was just trying to hurt me, and that's not what your real love does. Just realise that as like everyone, she had her faults. She was not perfect, no one is. What you can do right now is, just keep going. Don't contact her, like the beatles say, Let it Be You can't always keep fighting. And you can't love enough for both of you.I've read this quote a while back, you may find it useful : There comes a time in your life when you realise who will always matter, who does matter and who never did. So don't worry about people from your past, there is a reason they didn't make it into your future. Stay strong, it will get better. It always does
Author KS11 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Thanks man, i admire your optimism!! and wish i shared it! But im going try my hardest to let it go now.. 1
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