Am I doing the right thing?

[Floored]

I swear this title probably shares its name with about five hundred other threads, but I'm laying awake here, another sleepless night, wondering if I fought hard enough for her. Even though she checked out, I question whether I put enough into it at the end.

 

I moved her four hours away, she told me that she wanted her own single life and didn't want to worry about me, love you but not in love with you, so I just walked away. The fighting to save the relationship had been done all month, and I finally had no more words and just wanted to leave. I left her apartment- that I thought I'd be spending a lot of time in- and didn't look back. I was spent, and couldn't lift a noble case for us, partially because she was getting ready to go out on the town even though she was barely an hour single.

 

I talked to her briefly more than a week ago, it really sucked in hindsight since not a pip came out of her about regretting it and everything we talked about was stupid; I wouldn't have taken her back but it would have been at least a stroke of normal showing she was at least on the same pain train that I'm riding. Now part of me wishes I was doing more, like making the noble romantic gesture or promising to do something better, maybe win the lottery and fly to the moon. I suppose I'm in a bargaining phase, and I've kept NC thus far, but I'm worried that I'll regret later not doing more now. I don't know if there is anything to be done, but.. I don't know.

 

It's the thoughts and memories that are coming back in full wind now, everything we had together and all our experiences and our fun times that are now an echo of a life that could have been. Reading KatZee's rage thread about burning her ex's stuff made me realize that my ex was very careful about leaving anything at my apartment... there's not a single shred of her here to even burn if I wanted to, well, two bobby pins and that's it. I don't know why that makes me feel so rotten, I should be happy I don't have to deal with those physical belongings, but it's just like she surgically removed herself from my life.

 

Even if there was some long shot in a million, she still put that four hours between us. With a strong relationship that would be hard to overcome. With our break-up, there's not even a chance, even if she did come to her senses and realized that she wasn't made for partying, there's too much physical distance to cover to repair the emotional damage.

 

What did you guys do to get out of your bargaining phase? Should I have put up a fight for us? Should I now? I have about half a dozen flower shops, two excellent chocolate stores and singing telegram service on speed dial ready to blitzkrieg her place, prepared from before we broke up. Should I even extend a gesture?

[ihateslowjams]

I swear this title probably shares its name with about five hundred other threads, but I'm laying awake here, another sleepless night, wondering if I fought hard enough for her. Even though she checked out, I question whether I put enough into it at the end.

 

I moved her four hours away, she told me that she wanted her own single life and didn't want to worry about me, love you but not in love with you, so I just walked away. The fighting to save the relationship had been done all month, and I finally had no more words and just wanted to leave. I left her apartment- that I thought I'd be spending a lot of time in- and didn't look back. I was spent, and couldn't lift a noble case for us, partially because she was getting ready to go out on the town even though she was barely an hour single.

 

I talked to her briefly more than a week ago, it really sucked in hindsight since not a pip came out of her about regretting it and everything we talked about was stupid; I wouldn't have taken her back but it would have been at least a stroke of normal showing she was at least on the same pain train that I'm riding. Now part of me wishes I was doing more, like making the noble romantic gesture or promising to do something better, maybe win the lottery and fly to the moon. I suppose I'm in a bargaining phase, and I've kept NC thus far, but I'm worried that I'll regret later not doing more now. I don't know if there is anything to be done, but.. I don't know.

 

It's the thoughts and memories that are coming back in full wind now, everything we had together and all our experiences and our fun times that are now an echo of a life that could have been. Reading KatZee's rage thread about burning her ex's stuff made me realize that my ex was very careful about leaving anything at my apartment... there's not a single shred of her here to even burn if I wanted to, well, two bobby pins and that's it. I don't know why that makes me feel so rotten, I should be happy I don't have to deal with those physical belongings, but it's just like she surgically removed herself from my life.

 

Even if there was some long shot in a million, she still put that four hours between us. With a strong relationship that would be hard to overcome. With our break-up, there's not even a chance, even if she did come to her senses and realized that she wasn't made for partying, there's too much physical distance to cover to repair the emotional damage.

 

What did you guys do to get out of your bargaining phase? Should I have put up a fight for us? Should I now? I have about half a dozen flower shops, two excellent chocolate stores and singing telegram service on speed dial ready to blitzkrieg her place, prepared from before we broke up. Should I even extend a gesture?

 

Honestly speaking, I don't think you should do anything else. You already tried for a month straight trying to help fix things without any success. Right now, I think your ex just wants to be single and have her fun. You mentioned she had the case of GIGS in your other thread, just wanting to go out and party, and she needs to get this out of her system. When they're in this phase of wanting to go out and be single without worrying about a BF, their minds will not be changed by you, family, or anyone else.

 

You have to let her come to her own senses and realize what she's lost. If she doesn't, then you never meant that much to her (sorry to say that, but I too am going through this same thought process). If you truly care and love her, then you have to step aside on this one and let her be happy if she believes that is the right decision for her at the moment. I think you've tried enough... for a month you did all you could. I think she gets the point of how much you care for her.

 

Try to keep yourself busy during the day time so you can be exhausted by night time and fall asleep faster. It helps staying active and productive during the day, keeps your mind fresh. Stay strong and one day, you'll eventually stop feeling miserable. Have you watched "Swingers"? its an awesome break up movie for guys. Watch it if you haven't already done so.

[Car10e]

I'm in the same boat as you...I tried everything I could without losing respect for myself. My ex-bf wouldn't give me the time of day, because he'd rather go out with friends than sit and talk things out with me. One time we had planned to meet at a certain time. He ended up meeting me at my work as I was leaving and said he was going to the movies with his friends later so we have to make it quick. This just made me angry and we really got nowhere. From what I learned, you can't force them to do something they may not really want to do. I realize that even though he did show up to talk, his mind wasn't all there, and he just wanted to leave. I didn't give up on him, so I kept trying to get a solid talk from him, but it just never happened.

 

I never really got to say what i wanted to say, and felt he should know after 4 1/2 years with me. So I wrote a letter and sent it to his house, even though I live 5 minutes away. I sent it in the mail, because I didn't want him to think I was crazy just showing up at his house. I feel the same way about questioning if I am doing too much or not enough. I debated whether or not to send the letter because I wasn't sure ow he would take it. In the end, I sent it.