Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I will pass on a boyfriend for now. He may be using me for sex, but I am also using him for company so it works. *shrug* We go out as I said, and we don't always have sex. I want a boyfriend, but I am actually pretty happy with how things are going right now. Something tells me you are not looking after yourself
mickleb Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 His only downfall is that he isn't ready for a relationship right now and I have a feeling getting married again is a long way off for him, while I would love to be married sooner rather than later. *shrug* So, Guy #2 is perfect but because you'd rather be married sooner than later, there's a problem with him... I don't plan on getting married TOMORROW, but I definitely have a timeline I want to stay in. Maybe not even marriage, but just a solid commitment. I loved being married, mostly because I love having that level of comfort with someone. You definitely have a timeline that includes serious commitment. In addition, you love being married because of the comfort level that brings... I really am not looking to settle down anytime soon. I actually enjoy being single, this was merely a rant about how I want to pretty much combine them both. But, you're NOT looking to settle down any time soon and enjoy being single? Sounds like you're pretty confused right now and require quite a lot of input to help you decide what to do, rather than a rant, I'm afraid.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 So, Guy #2 is perfect but because you'd rather be married sooner than later, there's a problem with him... You definitely have a timeline that includes serious commitment. In addition, you love being married because of the comfort level that brings... But, you're NOT looking to settle down any time soon and enjoy being single? Sounds like you're pretty confused right now and require quite a lot of input to help you decide what to do, rather than a rant, I'm afraid. #2 just isn't on the same level as me, he lives at home, parties hardcore, and it is just not a lifestyle I am wanting right NOW. It is a phase I went through already, and while it was fun, I didn't accomplish much. The whole marriage thing doesn't even play a role, except for the fact that for long term commitments in general, #1 would be a better choice. That being said, YES, I want to get married... I have a timeline, but I think people are misconstruing that to mean I want to get married in the next few years. That isn't really the case.
mickleb Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 The only problem is that I really do enjoy my time with #1, and I do have an emotional attachment to him. I am at this point in dating where I wonder if the "lust" is necessary to have a long lasting loving relationship. I don't think I would mind if things worked out with #1 even if he isn't perfect, mostly because I think he would still be a great man to be with. Maybe he wouldn't make me giggle as much or experience that swooning feeling as often, but he would be someone who I could spend long amounts of time with and still be content. He does know I am dating, but he also knows that for the most part he is the only one I really want to be with. I miss #1 when I don't see him for long periods of time What you've said here contradicts this: He may be using me for sex, but I am also using him for company so it works. *shrug* I will pass on a boyfriend for now. I want a boyfriend Um...
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 What you've said here contradicts this: Um... I do want one... eventually. Not everything is right now. I guess I should say I want one, but I am not going to start frantically searching since I am not in some huge rush.
mickleb Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 #2 just isn't on the same level as me, he lives at home, parties hardcore, and it is just not a lifestyle I am wanting right NOW. It is a phase I went through already, and while it was fun, I didn't accomplish much. Okay. So we can cut Guy #2 out of this scenario, then? The whole marriage thing doesn't even play a role, except for the fact that for long term commitments in general, #1 would be a better choice. That being said, YES, I want to get married... I have a timeline, but I think people are misconstruing that to mean I want to get married in the next few years. That isn't really the case. Okay, but can you see why they might have thought that? What does your timeline look like?
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Okay. So we can cut Guy #2 out of this scenario, then? Okay, but can you see why they might have thought that? What does your timeline look like? I rushed everything last time... Ill take at least a year of dating, at least a year of living together, at least a year of engagement. That alone is 3 years! & That is if right at the year marks it happens, which I doubt would happen.
Pyro Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 If you don't want a serious commitment right now then it shouldn't matter who you pick.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 If you don't want a serious commitment right now then it shouldn't matter who you pick. ;D This was never about picking to begin with!
mickleb Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I rushed everything last time... Ill take at least a year of dating, at least a year of living together, at least a year of engagement. That alone is 3 years! & That is if right at the year marks it happens, which I doubt would happen. Okay. So when do you see yourself getting married?
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Okay. So when do you see yourself getting married? 27 or so? IDK, I want kids before I am 30, but just because I want it doesn't mean it will happen.
Pyro Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 ;D This was never about picking to begin with! touche. Just keep doing what you are doing then but please make sure that these two guys understand that you are not in it for the long run. No need to give them false hope.
mickleb Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 27 or so? IDK, I want kids before I am 30, but just because I want it doesn't mean it will happen. Okay. So, you've got yourself about a year in which to find Mr. Right? (Ideally.)
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Okay. So, you've got yourself about a year in which to find Mr. Right? (Ideally.) 2 years. Yessir! Ideally of course!
proseandpassion Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I rushed everything last time... Ill take at least a year of dating, at least a year of living together, at least a year of engagement. That alone is 3 years! & That is if right at the year marks it happens, which I doubt would happen. I agree with whomever said that love isn't on a timeline. I think women on the whole are more guilty of men of trying to stay in some kind of pre-determined timeline of what's acceptable. What if you meet someone, are swept off your feet, and get eloped within 2 months? Stranger things have happened. Or you may date someone for ten years, live with them, and feel like marriage just isn't in the cards. It's about a partnership and what ultimately makes you feel complete. You can't really predict what it might be.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 I agree with whomever said that love isn't on a timeline. I think women on the whole are more guilty of men of trying to stay in some kind of pre-determined timeline of what's acceptable. What if you meet someone, are swept off your feet, and get eloped within 2 months? Stranger things have happened. Or you may date someone for ten years, live with them, and feel like marriage just isn't in the cards. It's about a partnership and what ultimately makes you feel complete. You can't really predict what it might be. I said ideals, but the whole eloping thing won't happen. I can tell you right now that due to how my last marriage came to be and ended, I am pretty set on how I would like my next relationship to pan out.
mickleb Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 2 years. Yessir! Ideally of course! Sorry, my dear, I know I'm being slow but I'm confused again. You're 23 and want to date, live with and be engaged to a guy over a three year period, then (ideally) be married at 27. Doesn't that mean you have one year to find this man?
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Sorry, my dear, I know I'm being slow but I'm confused again. You're 23 and want to date, live with and be engaged to a guy over a three year period, then (ideally) be married at 27. Doesn't that mean you have one year to find this man? Hahha You would be correct if it wasn't for the fact that I am 22. JUST turned 22.
mickleb Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Hahha You would be correct if it wasn't for the fact that I am 22. JUST turned 22. Thank you for clearing that up. Don't know how I managed to conjure up that information. Okay. So 2 years before you'd like to start settling down... So, if - as p&p says, you met a suitable candidate before that time, do you think you would be ready to settle? Or do you really want another couple of years of the single life?
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Thank you for clearing that up. Don't know how I managed to conjure up that information. Okay. So 2 years before you'd like to start settling down... So, if - as p&p says, you met a suitable candidate before that time, do you think you would be ready to settle? Or do you really want another couple of years of the single life? No idea... it would really depend on the man. I would need to date them for a while in order to make such a decision. Guy #1 I have been seeing consistently for 3 months, #2 I have inconsistently been seeing for 8, if that helps you at all.
eleanorhurting Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I used to have a timeline too it involved me being married at 25, kids at 28, definitely before 30. I am 25 now and nowhere near! But I am fine with it! It will happen when it happens! I know some people here disagree but I feel like the older I get the more confident I feel with my decisions and the more OK I am with things not happening exactly the way I had originally planned them. Its good to have a timeline but its OK to leave a little room for improvisation!
mickleb Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 No idea... it would really depend on the man. I would need to date them for a while in order to make such a decision. Guy #1 I have been seeing consistently for 3 months, #2 I have inconsistently been seeing for 8, if that helps you at all. If it would depend on the man, and not you, I'd say it sounds like the first of the two options I gave you. It doesn't sound as though you're set on being single (just for the lolz) for a couple of years. In which case, I would suggest (as some others have) that you move on from both of these guys and look for someone who you have more potential with.
mickleb Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I used to have a timeline too it involved me being married at 25, kids at 28, definitely before 30. I am 25 now and nowhere near! But I am fine with it! It will happen when it happens! I know some people here disagree but I feel like the older I get the more confident I feel with my decisions and the more OK I am with things not happening exactly the way I had originally planned them. Its good to have a timeline but its OK to leave a little room for improvisation! I've, personally, found life to be very much like this. The timeline goes out of the window as life-experience changes your perspective. I can see why MJ doesn't want to rush into anything, though, based on her past experiences. That is wise. It was confusing how she presented her current stance, though.
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