mortensorchid Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 If you were to meet a good friend of mine (who is a man who I will call M), he would tell you and others that I am preoccupied with looks in a man. I thought about this today, because ... Well, I wonder if this is something shallow on my part or it's about something else. Does anyone have any explinations? Think about it : when you are out in public and you see an attractive person (man or woman), people tend to stare at them. YOu could never say a word to that person, but they get attention from others because they are considered to be more attractive than the average. It's something natural - they have even done studies on infants (who are non verbal save for a few grunts and crying) and they respond to faces that they find more attractive than others. M tells me that I tend to go for types who are cute but I do not care about much else. He makes me angry when he says this, because he does not know the person in question before him, he is a bit of a hypocrite. Why would someone want to be with someone that they are not attracted to in some way? Even if you see the Hot Guy / Girl across the room and you never say a word to that person, perhaps you would have a thought or something, but isn't that what we are looking for? The best of the best or the most attractive person? Part 2 and the root of my problem : What to do when you meet a person who is otherwise nice, but you are not attracted to them? I have met one or two people who are nice enough (at least on the surface), but I don't find them attractive enough to want to be with them. Is that bad of me? It's not like I am a guy who wants to go out with strippers or something, or am I? Am I being a hypocrite? If so, what to do about this?
brahmabull117 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I don't see any problems with your approach I won't date a girl I'm not sufficiently attracted to and I don't see anything wrong with women doing the same way. If you can't see yourself embracing the other person in a kiss, what's the point of dating them? Playing devil's advocate, you do have the possibility of growing sufficiently attracted to them the more you get to know them (if they are nice) but that is a risk and I'm not sure if you want to lead somebody on like that
MrCastle Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Well we all want someone we are physically attracted to, but shallow people do exist. They are living, breathing, walking among us. I know on LS people just slap a "high standards" or "preferences" stamp on everything but the fact is, there are people who place too high of an emphasis on looks. I'm not saying you're shallow; it all depends on how much you worry about looks. There is usually a trade off when it comes to relationships. Very rarely do we find someone who is a perfect 10 physically in our eyes as well as a perfect 10 in personality. Usually we say to ourselves "well, he's not the hottest, but he's got a great personality", or "her personality is pretty meh but damn she's hot!". I was on OKC today (I don't know why) and stumbled onto one girl's page. I believe we were a 91% match for dating and 89% for friends. She was pretty cute, we shared a lot of the same interests, and her profile was written in a very sarcastic manner, much like mine. Under the message me if section, she wrote, "if you have passions or interests", "if you share the same kind of humor I do", "if you're cultured or want to get cultured and travel the world", "if you're a good person", "if you're tall". I met all those requirements except the last one. So, I didn't bother to message her. Even if I was tall, I don't think I would have messaged her, simply because all of her other, respectable criteria came undone with that mention. If it wasn't a big deal to her, she wouldn't have written it. So obviously she's looking for all of those personality qualities, plus height. I wonder how many guys she ignored who met everything except whatever height requirement she had.
xxoo Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 It sounds like you are talking about early impressions. In getting to know men (working with them, for example), have you ever found that you grow very attracted to a man you did not initially find attractive?
yongyong Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Im not afraid to say American culture is PLAIN WEIRD. I think people all over the world is the same. they all want to find a beautiful partner or someone who looks beautiful in their eyes. So far I know, only Americans claim 'neh I don't care about looks, it's all about personality' and they act opposite behind. (just like politicians) Try talking about you met this opposite looking person and there is no way you can go out with him/her. What Americans would say first? 'hey he/she might be nice, it's about personality' In our culture, if we see a friend with bad looking partner, we encourage them by saying they could do better. In American culture, they encourage you to go out with someone below your standard. F-ck 'personality' I am sick of hearing this all the time while they are acting shallow just like everyone else. 1
KathyM Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 There's nothing wrong with wanting a man who is attractive. But if that's all you care about, I'd say you're not going to end up with someone worth staying with for the long term. It takes a lot more than a handsome face to make for a good relationship partner. What about his character, his personality, his values, his goals/ambitions, his interests? There's a lot more to a quality guy than his outside shell. But you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting a good looking guy. If looks is all you care about though, I think you're shortchanging yourself. 2
FitChick Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Hasn't this topic been done to death? Look up old threads.
brahmabull117 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 There's nothing wrong with wanting a man who is attractive. But if that's all you care about, I'd say you're not going to end up with someone worth staying with for the long term. It takes a lot more than a handsome face to make for a good relationship partner. What about his character, his personality, his values, his goals/ambitions, his interests? There's a lot more to a quality guy than his outside shell. But you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting a good looking guy. If looks is all you care about though, I think you're shortchanging yourself. I don't think the OP ever said that she's just looking for looks She wants a guy who appeals to her physically but who is also a genuinely good person, I don't see why that's bad
Freckas Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 i heard along time ago, that winners pick winners... Losers pick losers... seems cruel. but seems like people like OTHERS that are like themselves but better, if looks are something personally you like to be surrounded by nice looking things, appearences may be alot more important to you. If you constantly aware of what you look like, (not primping) then maybe that is something you are into. its not a bad thing, I like funny guys, that are hilarious, maybe theylook like the lead singer of Weezer, or will ferrel. And the comedian that plays stephan on SNL!!!! my god!! so i dont think your shallow, i wouldnt advertise that you only like attractive people for yourself. "neat appearance" seems to cover it.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Earlier in my own life I would view it as shallow to have hard and fast rules about attraction like that. But as I age, I tend now to be less judgemental and think of it as a young person's thing to have hard and fast rules about attraction. Like everyone else, I have always responded to beautiful looks in a woman, but I have had so many occasions where I'd become attracted to someone who didn't knock me at at first site that I learned to not be dismissive. It often came down more to the presence of something I disliked that would decide my general view--like a chick having mannish proportions and/or acting the female jock. I can think of one outstanding-looking chick who used to all but throw herself at me, and even though she looked female in every respect, her manner of swagger and extreme extrovertness just kept me from pulling the trigger on letting her in. Now 20 years later I regret my perhaps youthful view that judging her not my type without at least getting closer and really seeing how she might have been with me was just all in a day's work because in truth, not every good-looking babe wants to throw herself at you.
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