Jor El Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 We dated for 3 years. Recently been going through a lot of hard times. Always arguing a lot about dumb/small stuff. Honestly, it was mostly my fault, and that's a big reason. We were also very attached to each other, so even now when I try to give her space, but I think she feels obligated to spend time with me since we see each other almost everyday for the last 3 years. And I know she just needs space and a life of her own, and that it doesn't mean she doesn't love me. But it may seem as if she's trapped now. That's my understanding of the situation. She says her feelings changed, hates a lot of things about me, and doesn't want the relationship. She stressed it a few days ago. She even gave me the, "If you love me, let me go and consider what I want". I reluctantly agreed that we could take a break. She said we're not boyfriend/girlfriend anymore, that was 2 days ago. And she said, maybe when I feel more secure, improve my looks(she wants me to lose weight), and find myself I could consider asking her out again after a few months or a year. BUT she then tells me, we can still hang out, spend nights over, even sex, go on dates, spend time with each others family. Then this morning, after no contact, she says: "You don't realize how important a person is until they're gone." I'm unsure if she was telling me to realize it or that she realized it. Then, asked me on a date this weekend. Of course, I agreed. And she seemed happy. What exactly does she want? Is she trying to let me go slowly and nicely? Or is this her way of saying she wants me to improve my attitude and give her some space before I make her completely hate me and lose her? On another note: How should I act on this date? When we first started dating, I showered her with gifts, should I get a gift? Look extra nice?
steelgator Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Go no contact bro. Its been 2 days. You aren't really gone yet. Wait until she starts crying and begging for you. Do not go on any damn dates. keep your dignity
durentu Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 (edited) She is just really insecure in the world. She doesn't know what she wants, the world is getting weird and the economy is lagging, yada yada yada. She wants someone to make her feel secure and safe. She feels that she has no foundation to stand on and now she's gasping for air. Maybe this, maybe that, this is maybe better, but I'm giving up this that and that. etc etc etc Just say "Baby, you know that if you stick with me, you don't have anything to worry about. All we have to do is try, and we can overcome anything life throws at us". If she believes you, then it's good. If not, then she doesn't love you anymore. If you don't love her, then don't bother seeing her anymore. None of her accusations are really your fault. She's just jittery. After she gets her footing on solid ground (that you provide), she will care less about what you look like and all the small crap goes away, because she'll be looking at a bigger picture; whatever that might be. Start a business togther, learn about financial matters or make your own balance sheets. Make a goal to buy a house in 15 years or a new car. Or help each other out in getting better jobs, up the resume, help each other network. Start a home/indoor garden and grow peppers, herbs and stuff, or try to attempt aquaponics to grow fruits and fish at the same time. Some really positive life project makes all the small change go away. Edited August 3, 2012 by durentu
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