Mount Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 My dear friend here, yes, as being honest to you guys as always, I am still in the A with the MM supposely two months in the road now, lightly but still going on. Maybe I am lack of security, or more deep issue whatever, somehow my mind tells me that the MM does not love me, even though I asked but OF COURSE he would tell he does truly love me. I guess everybody here will reply my post saying he is using me for ego boost, sex...etc...could be true for sure. Guess you will also suggest me to cut it off now, but again I WILL NOT leave my work as I am working very hard to climbing the corporate ladder. Don't know what to do:eek::eek:
mercy Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 What do you mean you don't know what to do? What to do about what? You're doing exactly what you want to do. I don't get your question. 1
woinlove Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 My dear friend here, yes, as being honest to you guys as always, I am still in the A with the MM supposely two months in the road now, lightly but still going on. Maybe I am lack of security, or more deep issue whatever, somehow my mind tells me that the MM does not love me, even though I asked but OF COURSE he would tell he does truly love me. I guess everybody here will reply my post saying he is using me for ego boost, sex...etc...could be true for sure. Guess you will also suggest me to cut it off now, but again I WILL NOT leave my work as I am working very hard to climbing the corporate ladder. Don't know what to do:eek::eek: Well, might as well be honest because it's anonymous and you are more likely to hear something useful that way. So good for being honest. Sounds like you are gaining a bit of perspective, so I suppose that is some progress and any progress is better than none, right? Do you have any future plan you are working toward? Because this is your life and you should make sure you are living it fully, the way you want to live it.
Author Mount Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 Guess I need people here to convince me he does not love me..... Also you are right, I did not ask specific question BECAUSE I don't know what I want, what I want to do. I feel unformable being the pathetic OW that only having piece of time from the MM, whilst if I cut it off with the MM I would feel exetremely sad. So I dont know what to do. What do you mean you don't know what to do? What to do about what? You're doing exactly what you want to do. I don't get your question.
mercy Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Guess I need people here to convince me he does not love me..... Also you are right, I did not ask specific question BECAUSE I don't know what I want, what I want to do. I feel unformable being the pathetic OW that only having piece of time from the MM, whilst if I cut it off with the MM I would feel exetremely sad. So I dont know what to do. Oh please don't victimize yourself. There are true victims out there that my heart breaks for. My point was you're doing what you want to do, what you choose to do. Oh noes not a sad sad MM on your hands.
Author Mount Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 What does that suppose to mean?:sick: Oh please don't victimize yourself. There are true victims out there that my heart breaks for. My point was you're doing what you want to do, what you choose to do. Oh noes not a sad sad MM on your hands.
mercy Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 What does that suppose to mean?:sick: Mount no matter what anyone tells you at the end of the day you are going to do exactly what you want to do. I can tell you not to settle, dream more for yourself, expect more from a man, love yourself more than him. I can say all of those things but I don't think it's going to matter. And I misread, I thought you typed MM would be sad. I'm more concerned about you than him. 1
Author Mount Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 What can' t you convince me cutting the A off with the MM completely, I don't mind harsh words coming towards me as well. Mount no matter what anyone tells you at the end of the day you are going to do exactly what you want to do. I can tell you not to settle, dream more for yourself, expect more from a man, love yourself more than him. I can say all of those things but I don't think it's going to matter. And I misread, I thought you typed MM would be sad. I'm more concerned about you than him.
mercy Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 What can' t you convince me cutting the A off with the MM completely, I don't mind harsh words coming towards me as well. I can't even convince myself to go make dinner. Seriously, in life it never works when another tries to convince someone of something. At least that's how it is with me. I get a little annoyed when I feel someone is trying to convince me of something. Anyway, you know all this. Ok, going to make dinner.
Author Mount Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 :bunny:Ah, at least the post from the pathetic me achieves the purpose of your dinner making. I can't even convince myself to go make dinner. Seriously, in life it never works when another tries to convince someone of something. At least that's how it is with me. I get a little annoyed when I feel someone is trying to convince me of something. Anyway, you know all this. Ok, going to make dinner.
jwi71 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 My dear friend here, yes, as being honest to you guys as always, I am still in the A with the MM supposely two months in the road now, lightly but still going on. Maybe I am lack of security, or more deep issue whatever, somehow my mind tells me that the MM does not love me, even though I asked but OF COURSE he would tell he does truly love me. I guess everybody here will reply my post saying he is using me for ego boost, sex...etc...could be true for sure. Guess you will also suggest me to cut it off now, but again I WILL NOT leave my work as I am working very hard to climbing the corporate ladder. Don't know what to do:eek::eek: Well...if he loves you it is to be celebrated. Start by telling everyone at work. That you two are in love. That its real. Then, take him out for lunch. Maybe hold hands on the way out.... What's wrong with that?
Author Mount Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 I guess your sarcastic reply does not help much :( It seems no one really is going to punch me on the "head", shall I close my post just saying BECAUSE I knew he does not love, I shall end the A. I hope life is just that simply really.:confused: Well...if he loves you it is to be celebrated. Start by telling everyone at work. That you two are in love. That its real. Then, take him out for lunch. Maybe hold hands on the way out.... What's wrong with that?
Author Mount Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 So isn't true that having A with MM for a woman is always kind of behavor of destruction per say? I guess everyone feels that there isn't much left to say. You've posted several threads, got good advice, but at the end of the day, you have to be the one to stop the self destruction, no one can make you do what you don't want to do.
whichwayisup Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 He may have feelings for you and is attached, and cares. But, whether or not he is in love with you doesn't matter does it because he has no intentions of ending his marriage to be with you. What you two have shared isn't strong enough for him to leave what he knows and loves behind and start over again with you. The glue between you two isn't as strong as it is with his wife. I wish you courage and strength to detach and end it with him once and for all. I'll come kick your ass in a month if you've made no progress!
KathyM Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 My dear friend here, yes, as being honest to you guys as always, I am still in the A with the MM supposely two months in the road now, lightly but still going on. Maybe I am lack of security, or more deep issue whatever, somehow my mind tells me that the MM does not love me, even though I asked but OF COURSE he would tell he does truly love me. I guess everybody here will reply my post saying he is using me for ego boost, sex...etc...could be true for sure. Guess you will also suggest me to cut it off now, but again I WILL NOT leave my work as I am working very hard to climbing the corporate ladder. Don't know what to do:eek::eek: Why can't you break off the affair without leaving your job? Why can't you look for a similar job someplace else, now that you have the experience in that field? When there's a will, there's a way. You're not stuck in something you don't want to be in. You just aren't interested in going after something/someone who would give you a full relationship. An honest relationship. Why is that? Why don't you want something more for yourself? Low self esteem? Don't think you deserve something better? Why are you willing to settle for crumbs? I just don't understand women who will allow themselves to be used by married men. 1
2sunny Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Just stay being his OW - and settle. Settle for his crumbs and being a secret. Then in 10 or 15 years come back and complain that life has passed you by.
Author Mount Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Hi WWI a.k.a. A$% kicker :bunny::bunny:, the worst thing is that the over the 2 months A I think I get attached to him more than his attachment to me. Overall he is married, having family, wife...etc, whilst myself beside that bit of A, I have nothing....:mad: And I am so CRYSTAL CLEAR in mind that he has no intention leaving his 35 years marriage/wife right now, and recently he seems MORE cautious now for covering the Affair. Also the worst thing happening is I feel myself being needy, as I sent him a few more texts and expected him responding, which I don't like myself being this way. During past two months A, we usually meet up at Friday afternoon at my place, or a few hours during the long weekend. The upcoming long weekend I asked, and he told me that family event will occupy him; Then I asked Friday, initially he said he might be busy on Friday then he said he will meet me Friday afternoon. But now - at this moment, I don't feel good as it seems that I am pursuing him WHICH I ABSOLUTELY DON'T LIKE THAT. Thus the A should really end now at this point. I need WWI's a$^ kicking for sure. He may have feelings for you and is attached, and cares. But, whether or not he is in love with you doesn't matter does it because he has no intentions of ending his marriage to be with you. What you two have shared isn't strong enough for him to leave what he knows and loves behind and start over again with you. The glue between you two isn't as strong as it is with his wife. I wish you courage and strength to detach and end it with him once and for all. I'll come kick your ass in a month if you've made no progress!
whichwayisup Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Consider it done. Focus on your friends. Women friends. Screw it, why waste your long weekend on him? He's going to squeeze you in on his time frame. Doesn't that just piss you off? Go make other plans, and tell him YOU are too busy now and Friday is out. Seriously do it. You need to make yourself detach. Stop worrying about what he feels or doesn't feel, what counts is from now on you don't rely on him for anything and don't expect anything from him. It is what it is. Either continue on in the A and be aloof and detached, enjoy it for what it is, no hopes/expectations. OR, tell him you're sick of being second fiddle and tell him to please back off of you, even if it kills him inside. Ask him to not speak to you at work unless he absolutely has to. Only work related conversations. It can end if you want it to. don't be afraid of feeling pain. It won't kill you!
Author Mount Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 WWI...you are marvelous. And yes I am going to do that, and it is also good for us breaking the cycle of meeting on Friday. And I should also let him know I want to end the A as I am really not satified with current situation, to be lower list in his life, even though he just told me I am not the second in his life and he wants to continue the A as long as we can. But again the losing part is always MOI:p:p. WWI, I will let you know how it goes, and again I will be honest here as always. Consider it done. Focus on your friends. Women friends. Screw it, why waste your long weekend on him? He's going to squeeze you in on his time frame. Doesn't that just piss you off? Go make other plans, and tell him YOU are too busy now and Friday is out. Seriously do it. You need to make yourself detach. Stop worrying about what he feels or doesn't feel, what counts is from now on you don't rely on him for anything and don't expect anything from him. It is what it is. Either continue on in the A and be aloof and detached, enjoy it for what it is, no hopes/expectations. OR, tell him you're sick of being second fiddle and tell him to please back off of you, even if it kills him inside. Ask him to not speak to you at work unless he absolutely has to. Only work related conversations. It can end if you want it to. don't be afraid of feeling pain. It won't kill you!
Author Mount Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 No, among the all the disvantages of involving in the affair, I dislike the most is the following bold part, not because he has not left marriage/wife...etc. And it makes me dislike myself, and unsatified with the current situation. Why are you doing this? You know the end of the story, you see the writing on the wall but yet you somehow expect a different result. Do you like what you are becoming, needy, accepting of so little, giving all your power away to a man whose terms of engagement you have to accept? He calls all the shots, you know it, why are you doing this? You are holding the gun to your own head but you are letting him pull the trigger.
mercy Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 No, among the all the disvantages of involving in the affair, I dislike the most is the following bold part, not because he has not left marriage/wife...etc. And it makes me dislike myself, and unsatified with the current situation. Are you lonely? Is that why you are settling? btw dinner was dilish!
Author Mount Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) Yes, you nailed it. I figure out the main reason of involving with MM is I am lonely (family/friends are in another side of earth) :( Hahahaha....I am doing laundry right now.....:bunny: Dryer is making noise.... Are you lonely? Is that why you are settling? btw dinner was dilish! Edited August 2, 2012 by Mount
Owl Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Guess I need people here to convince me he does not love me..... Also you are right, I did not ask specific question BECAUSE I don't know what I want, what I want to do. I feel unformable being the pathetic OW that only having piece of time from the MM, whilst if I cut it off with the MM I would feel exetremely sad. So I dont know what to do. Why do you need us to convince you of anything? You know the actions you'll have to take, but are already refusing to take them. If you won't change anything...what's the point of us trying to convince you of anything? Either the pain of where you're at will eventually grow so great that you'll finally decide to make changes on your own...or it won't, and you'll remain where you're at. WE can't change your situation...only you can. 1
Author Mount Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 WWI, as promised, it is DONE now.:bunny: I just shut him off - no more Friday meet up...no more. WWI...you are marvelous. And yes I am going to do that, and it is also good for us breaking the cycle of meeting on Friday. And I should also let him know I want to end the A as I am really not satified with current situation, to be lower list in his life, even though he just told me I am not the second in his life and he wants to continue the A as long as we can. But again the losing part is always MOI:p:p. WWI, I will let you know how it goes, and again I will be honest here as always.
Lostinlife4now Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Mount..... EX OW here....MM are only interested in THEMSELVES and what makes them feel good. Believe me, I know. Get rid of him....NOW.....You mean nothing to him..... 1
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