niceplusfriendly Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Hi guys. As you can see, I'm new to love shack but I've been browsing quite a lot. I was wondering if the "Silent moments" are necessarily bad? Personally, I don't mind but it's the fear that the other person or people feel uncomfortable or that they think I'm a boring person. Also, I went to the beach with a couple friends and one of them told me that I was quiet. Sadly, I feel offended when I'm called this. I just have nothing really to say. Is it better to say something no matter how stupid it is then to be quiet?
january2011 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) Some people need to keep the conversation going. Some think that it's a sign that the friendship is going well. Some need it to validate their perception of their own likeability. Conversation is also a way of creating and exchanging value in a relationship/friendship. I'm okay with the occasional silence, more so with my SO than with someone who is just a friend or even a family member. With my SO, we can use touch to fill the moments of silence, so it's not so bad. However, with a friend, if there are too many silences and it feels like an effort to be with them, it indicates an incompatbility. As I've said in other threads, friendship is a choice. I don't choose discomfort as a criteria when I choose my friendships. An alternative would be to use a shared activity or interest to fill the moments of silence - such as shopping, sport, TV, computer games, etc. Doing nothing, not even talking, would probably be too uncomfortable for many people. Including me. Depending on my mood, I'm not a fan of smalltalk because sometimes it's inane, but I see the value in using banter in many situations just to grease the wheels of relationships and make passing the time a little bit more tolerable. Edited August 2, 2012 by january2011 2
Author niceplusfriendly Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 I understand. Thanks for your thoughtful insight, janurary~ 1
madjac74 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Sometimes the great thing about really good friends is being able to hangout with them even if you don't feel like doing or saying anything but just knowing that they are there. And don't ever feel bad about being introverted because there is nothing wrong with it. The sad thing I have learned in life is that for some reason it is socially acceptable to call out someone for being quiet but it would be considered rude to verbally berate someone for being a loud mouth. And you have things to say. Introverted people just tend to think that most things don't need to be expressed verbally and they tend to express themselves in other ways like art, poetry, stories, music, etc... 2
Author niceplusfriendly Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Sometimes the great thing about really good friends is being able to hangout with them even if you don't feel like doing or saying anything but just knowing that they are there. And don't ever feel bad about being introverted because there is nothing wrong with it. The sad thing I have learned in life is that for some reason it is socially acceptable to call out someone for being quiet but it would be considered rude to verbally berate someone for being a loud mouth. And you have things to say. Introverted people just tend to think that most things don't need to be expressed verbally and they tend to express themselves in other ways like art, poetry, stories, music, etc... I definitely agree that really good friends don't really require normal social expectations. Unfortunately though, with my close friends, I have always felt that I had to say something (I guess it's because I have the fear of losing them). Now that you say it, I might actually be an introvert. It really depends with who I'm talking to. Normally, I enjoy conversing and have little problems with saying something. But with certain people, I tend to lose my social skills. For example, those beach friends I mentioned above are actually good friends of mine. It's just that some of the conversations that were there didn't spark anything in my mind to make any comment. I think a huge factor of this though is the fact that the girl that I like was one of the beach friends. Maybe I am just so scared of saying something that could possibly be stupid. In the end, I was told something that I try to avoid the most..."You were quiet". Thanks for your input as well, madjac~
madjac74 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I definitely agree that really good friends don't really require normal social expectations. Unfortunately though, with my close friends, I have always felt that I had to say something (I guess it's because I have the fear of losing them). Now that you say it, I might actually be an introvert. It really depends with who I'm talking to. Normally, I enjoy conversing and have little problems with saying something. But with certain people, I tend to lose my social skills. For example, those beach friends I mentioned above are actually good friends of mine. It's just that some of the conversations that were there didn't spark anything in my mind to make any comment. I think a huge factor of this though is the fact that the girl that I like was one of the beach friends. Maybe I am just so scared of saying something that could possibly be stupid. In the end, I was told something that I try to avoid the most..."You were quiet". Thanks for your input as well, madjac~ As a fellow introvert who took a long time to realize I am still cool as hell despite being quiet in a loud world, feel free to call upon me anytime you need a good listener 2
todreaminblue Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Hi guys. As you can see, I'm new to love shack but I've been browsing quite a lot. I was wondering if the "Silent moments" are necessarily bad? Personally, I don't mind but it's the fear that the other person or people feel uncomfortable or that they think I'm a boring person. Also, I went to the beach with a couple friends and one of them told me that I was quiet. Sadly, I feel offended when I'm called this. I just have nothing really to say. Is it better to say something no matter how stupid it is then to be quiet? Silence is sometimes necessary to consider how another person or persons may feel before saying anything, it is better to be silent than to make others feel uncomfortable.Quietness can be respectful and considerate of the people around you .There is nothing bad about that.Some people are just quiet people and it takes all types of people to make this world.The noisy ones get heard but if you think carefully, They are not listened to.Sometimes when you are quiet the answers come to you without having to make noise.I wish you hope and happiness.....good luck.....deb 1
Devon5 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Friends always hates quietness. They likes enjoyments and much more fun. So, i think you should leave quietness and become funny to make more fun among friends. If you become funny then you and your friends will enjoy happy time.
bdash Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 well you sound like me, circa 2 mos ago. I am quiet around some people and open around others (Im usually quiet around people I think are judging me), and Ive definitely worried a bit about silences in a conversation. Here are the conclusions that ive come to: 1) People have very different views on this. My shy friends tell me I talk alot and they enjoy those silences. My outgoing friends tell me that I am shy and they dislike those silences, and try to fill them. And there are plenty of people inbetween or in the idc category. 2) People, in general, like talking more than silence. I say this because every person I know with lots of friends talks alot and does not allow for many pauses in a conversation. That said, shy people have friends too, so clearly silence is not an absolute friendship killer 3) The only time silence is a friendship killer is when you are so quiet it makes the situation you are in awkward because you cannot establish a flow in the conversation.
photogeek Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 It depends, and like many people have said, it just depends on the people/friends. At first when I was very quiet/"sheltered" those awkward silences was very awkward, and I felt compelled to talk. But now that I have begun to socialize and really get things going, those silences are opportunities to think and come up with new material. Yeah, sometimes its odd...but it happens. With close friends it isnt an issue, sometimes I feel compelled to say something, but why force it? I am friends with them for a reason?
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