all_hail_me Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 ... when you end up having to please yourself more often and realise that the sex happens when THEY want it to?
iSUGAR Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 yes, i think you should discuss it and spice up your sexlife a bit. 1
Author all_hail_me Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Um, anyone else got any advice? *bump*
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I think you need to elaborate a little. How long have you been together? Is your sex completely unsatisfying for you? Should this be in the Sexual Practices section instead?
Author all_hail_me Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 I think you need to elaborate a little. How long have you been together? Is your sex completely unsatisfying for you? Should this be in the Sexual Practices section instead? It's less about the sex per se, more about a personal void that is growing. I'm just curious that if a lover witholds sex, can it make you become less attached to them? And this is very weird as I was with a guy for 6 years where it happened twice a year if we were lucky. Now with the new guy I end up almost going insane from frustration.
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Maybe you don't have much intimacy outside your bed? The old cliche 'sex starts outside the bedroom' is very true you know. It's likely that it is the personal void
Author all_hail_me Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Maybe you don't have much intimacy outside your bed? The old cliche 'sex starts outside the bedroom' is very true you know. It's likely that it is the personal void Yeah, I think you're spot on. I've read so many articles about how you should really get to know someone before you jump into bed with them - none on how you deal with it afterwards!
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 In an LTR you need to like each other not just feel in love. You have to have fundamental respect for the other person, feel like you are a lucky person to have them in your life. If you don't have that, it's hard to maintain attraction I think 1
Taramere Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Leaving the sex aside for a moment...are you feeling as though you've lost the connection? I think that can often happen after a period of separation, or if one/both of you happens to be under a lot of stress. I would think it's very rare for two people in a relationship to constantly feel connected. Usually you would probably both put in some effort to reconnect at times when a bit of distance has set in....but if one stops bothering trying to reconnect then it's not a good omen for the relationship
Author all_hail_me Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) I think he is under stress and not liking the way elements of his life are panning out. When I try to get in his comfort zone, I'm pushing too hard. He has said he has never been a touchy feely person, and I never was before I met him. I find it frustrating how he doesn't want to hug me when I feel like I need it, then restricts sex because I have done something to upset him. It's a minefield, yet whenever I bring up how he doesn't have to stay with me, he says he loves me and that's why he's still here. Edited August 2, 2012 by all_hail_me *not his whole life, just bits of it
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Perhaps you should be with someone who is more like you? Someone you are compatible with, whose loving style is the same as yours. Someone who doesn't hold back sex and affection.
Author all_hail_me Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Yeah Emilia, I am definitely think I need to do that. I don't know why he stays, and I have the feeling I am going to walk away from this as confused as to the way I walked into it. Things don't come naturally and I have been judging him against my ex, who came to look for me if I was upset, who would hold me when things went wrong.... (who in the end said he was mean to me!). Oh well, you know what they say, if you want a real relationship, don't go on ok cupid looking for anything. I just wanted some intimacy after the way my ex finished with me, and a 1 night stand has turned into a 10 month and rather hurtful experience.
Chunky Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 It's frustrating when you want to hug or hold or kiss your girlfriend/boyfriend and they push away from you. You need or want to show your love or get some contact and they won't connect with you. If he's really not into you then you need to move on. I know it's hard and it hurts but it'll be better in the long run for you. It's as if he won't love you but he won't let you go to someone who will. Have an honest talk with him and if you don't hear what you need to then let him go. 1
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