davebla8 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Hi, After a 2 year relationship I decided to end things with my girlfriend 2 months ago. I was having doubts for a while, pretty much the whole time if I’m honest. I felt something was missing between us. It was a pretty intense relationship, lots of arguing pretty much from day one. She had a rough upbringing with an absent father (who subsequently got ill and passed while we were going out) and so had deep rooted insecurities. She was very clingy so seeing my mates was always a problem, as was spending money on anything that didn’t involve her. I tried my best to give her what she wanted (lots of holidays, rented flat together, hardly ever went out with mates) and be as supportive as possible but felt it would never be good enough. I’ve gone NC since the day I ended it as I knew if I kept speaking to her it would be make it much more difficult. Life together was pretty stressful a lot of the time, although there were good times too, but i know deep down i didn’t want this for the rest of my life. She on the other wanted to get married - soon. Problem I’m having now is i can’t stop trying to rationalize it all in my head, and convince myself I did the right thing. Its like being trapped. How do i get over this? Thanks
Canadian731 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 You just need to get your mind off of it, hangout with friends, get a hobby. Make yourself busy so you don't even have time for her in your life anymore
Chi townD Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 You have guilt. You pulled the trigger and you hurt someone. Sometimes, relationships just run there course. Nothing you can do about it. But, you made a choice that, in the long run, the two of you would be happier without each other. You just have to ride it out.
Author davebla8 Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Thanks for the advice. I am keeping fairly busy. I guess it is human nature to question who everything that happened, who was at fault etc.
YorickBrown Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Hi, After a 2 year relationship I decided to end things with my girlfriend 2 months ago. I was having doubts for a while, pretty much the whole time if I’m honest. I felt something was missing between us. It was a pretty intense relationship, lots of arguing pretty much from day one. She had a rough upbringing with an absent father (who subsequently got ill and passed while we were going out) and so had deep rooted insecurities. She was very clingy so seeing my mates was always a problem, as was spending money on anything that didn’t involve her. I tried my best to give her what she wanted (lots of holidays, rented flat together, hardly ever went out with mates) and be as supportive as possible but felt it would never be good enough. I’ve gone NC since the day I ended it as I knew if I kept speaking to her it would be make it much more difficult. Life together was pretty stressful a lot of the time, although there were good times too, but i know deep down i didn’t want this for the rest of my life. She on the other wanted to get married - soon. Problem I’m having now is i can’t stop trying to rationalize it all in my head, and convince myself I did the right thing. Its like being trapped. How do i get over this? Thanks I hear you man. Two years is kinda relatively long and your relationship went deep (living in together). Mine was just almost a year and half and I'm actually the one who got "dumped" by my ex but I do understand your predicament. Like you, I suppose I didn't feel comfortable yet settling down with her, particularly (she was still a bit young and was still in the process of uhmm..re "discovering" herself). Marriage was raised, I blinked Later on, I kinda "discovered" what she did and what she was about to do --- all of which was pretty much unacceptable (simply put, she got the GIGS). I guess it helped me overcome the BU, that right from the very start, I kinda knew that it wasn't really meant to last. I just rationalized that I had to try and give the relationship a chance. If anything, at least --- I hope we both learned a lot from the relationship enough to be much stronger and wiser to move on to something better (and not worse).
Author davebla8 Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Yea others keep saying to me just look at is a a learning experience, that helps to realise what you do and dont want next time. I am 28 and this was my first serious thing, and i think that forced me to persue/put up with it further than a lot of guys would have. Your point about knowing it wasnt meant to last is a good way of looking at it. For me those nagging doubts just got stronger and stronger and i cant even really say why now!
Author davebla8 Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 It means ‘grass is greener syndrome’. I’d never heard of it before either but don’t think I had it. 1
Appleness Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Sorry Dave, It'll get better. You sound like a good guy and Chi_townD is right. Sometimes things do just run it's course and there's nothing you can do or could have done. Keep working on yourself and posting to get you through the hard times.
morichu Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Yeah man, it's PERFECTLY normal to go through what you're going through. I'm very strong at dealing with breakups and even I went through this too. I've only had two long relationships in my life and I ended them both with confidence that it was the right decision. Even though I felt it was the right decision, I'll admit I had some lingering thoughts of over-analyzing things. The good news is that you're on the right track by going NC which many here seem to have trouble doing. You're already starting the healing process. The only advice I can give to you is what Chi Town said. Just ride it out, it'll get better.
Author davebla8 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Thanks guys i hope you're right! Its weird how your brain can be so up and down, one minute positive about the situation, the next with that sick feeling in your stomach. Total head f**k!
BooBoo1982 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Do you feel that if you had seen a future with her you would have worked through her issues, or was it her issues that stopped you from seeing a future together?
not-a-drive-by Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Do you feel that if you had seen a future with her you would have worked through her issues, or was it her issues that stopped you from seeing a future together? I am curious of that too. It makes me wonder if I caused my ex to be stressful too. I want to text and ask him now, but it's probably the wrong time to do it. In regards to the marriage, you never considered marrying her one day? Or the thought that it may be quite soon, that tipped you off balance?
Author davebla8 Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 It was her issues that stopped me seeing a future. Its hard to know when enough is enough but i felt like i had tried really hard to be understanding of her issues and it was getting me nowhere, except going though the same stressfull, needless arguments again and again. Its hard giving up on somone because of certain issues they have but you cant spend your whole life trying to fix someone else at the expense of your own happyness right? I did think about marrying her one day but was absolutely certain that things needed to be a lot better before we thought about it seriously. I mean, you cant say your vowels thinking to yourself 'is the next 3 years gonna be as stressfull as the last 3 years' can you?
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