SeventhFloor Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Been dating this girl for the past few weeks. Its been going really well, I can tell she's into me and I am into her. Anyways, two days ago she calls me in the afternoon to hang out. We meet up. The first thing I notice is, she usually greets me with a small kiss, but not this time. Also, we took a walk around, and she usually tries to hold my hand/grab me or something, and not this time. It was like we were "just friends" - but it was totally fine with me. We got back to her place and started watching a movie. She ended up getting close to me and cuddling, I kissed her, she kissed me back - seemed like normal, like she was still into me. I left b/c she had work to do, told her to call me later. I texted her that night, no response. Yesterday, I called her once. Still no response; she hasn't contacted me and that's unusual for her. She's always expressed a lot of interest in me; even inviting me on a vacation with her. Could she have lost interest overnight? Or does she just need some space or something/doesn't know what she wants? I mean, when we started, she seemed very into me.
iSUGAR Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 yes, i think you should give her some space, so she can "Recharge" her batteries, people don't just change overnight, and if something bother hers let her tell you. Just be there for her until she goes through whatever she goes through.
Author SeventhFloor Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 Well, I'm finding it hard to be there for her as she hasn't talked to me since we last hung out, 2 days ago. I texted her 2 days ago, no response. I called her yesterday, no response and she hasn't gotten back to me -- maybe she's just lost interest (which is fine, I'm supportive of her finding happiness just as much as me) but if so, it's pretty crappy to just get dropped like that without a word. And if that is the case, then was she just acting 2 days ago when she seemed into me? Eh. I like the girl, but i'm not "waiting around" per se. She can figure out whatever is going on with her and hit me up on her time. See here's the thing. If she isn't interested/is into someone else, great for her! I wouldn't be hurt. I would be upset that things didn't work out when they seemed to be going well, but it wouldn't be devastating/life-altering or anything. There are other women out there that would make me happy. I'd just like to be friends with this girl, at the very minimum, because I enjoy hanging out with her and find her to be a very cool person!
venusianx13 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Well, it could be that she's very busy, or that you two were not on the same page in regards to dating... I don't think she would have just lost interest overnight. Give it another day or two and if you hear nothing from her, send a polite inquiry as to what happened. If you haven't heard from her by then, I'd say it safe to assume she's not interested for whatever reason, and it would be good insight for you to find out why. If I was ever faced with a guy who was more interested than I was, I'd quickly find a way to tell him so... it stinks that she just went off the radar like that. Hopefully you'll get some better news, but keep a positive attitude and like you said, don't wait around for her.
Chunky Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 I've had times like this with my girlfriend too. It seems my girlfriend was sick and was also treated badly by her kids. So she retreated into herself and I felt like the odd man out. I spoke to her about it and she told me everything and that made me feel better. I don't know if this girl is like that or not but I would go to see her in person and just have an honest talk with her about how you feel. You've got nothing to lose anyways. If she stops talking to you how is that any different than now?
Author SeventhFloor Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 I'm a bit conflicted about reaching out to her for an honest talk. Here's the thing - a week ago she invited me to go on a vacation with her, which starts tomorrow. Now she hasn't talked to me since Monday, like that is still going to happen? She can't be SO busy that she won't spend ten seconds drafting a text message saying, "Hey! Hope all is well. I've been busy -- i'll catch you later!" She will be on vacation until the 6th, so at this point, my best bet would probably be to wait until the 7th to reach out - about a week after she stopped talking to me, but you know how it is in the dating world, if they haven't contacted you in a whole week then it's pretty much over. I just don't understand how she could go from hot to cold overnight! From calling me saying, "Hey! I haven't heard from you, how are you?" after a few hours of not texting, to nothing. It worries me a bit, like - what if something happened to her? If she lost her phone, she has my work number, she'd be able to call and say "Hey I lost my phone, talk to you when I get a new one." This is such an odd situation! No girl has ever completely stopped talking to me without at least an, "I'm not interested anymore," especially not after acting like she liked me.
venusianx13 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 If she invited you on vacation with her and then went NC, I'd say this was some sort of rebound for her. Were you aware of how long ago her previous relationship ended? This is the only scenario in which I think a girl might talk a lot of talk, and then back out, IMO.
Author SeventhFloor Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 Yes, she must be with someone else to act this way. I'm not sure what other explanation there is. It's been a week since we've talked. Should I even bother trying to contact her? It's pretty obvious we aren't dating anymore.
Author SeventhFloor Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Haven't contacted her - she hasn't bothered to contact me in two weeks. Wtf?
cerridwen Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Yes, she must be with someone else to act this way. I'm not sure what other explanation there is. It's been a week since we've talked. Should I even bother trying to contact her? It's pretty obvious we aren't dating anymore. In the past, I've made the mistake of spending energy wondering what's behind hot/cold behavior. I've since found it more productive and healthy to simply decide if the situation is something *I* want. When the answer is "no" (which is always), I move on to happier situations. Hope you do too.
Author SeventhFloor Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Two weeks and no explanation? No way I'm staying in that situation. The thing is, I wouldn't have minded if she just wanted to be friends. Would have liked that. But as for her just dropping me with no explanation? My friend says one day she'll be back, but at that time, I'd tell her there's no way we'd be able to be anything more than friends - she crossed a line that's unacceptable.
MrCastle Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Haven't contacted her - she hasn't bothered to contact me in two weeks. Wtf? Sounds like it's over man. Sorry to say. Some people are just immature when it comes to being upfront with their feelings. In her mind, this was the best way to reject you. Be glad you no longer have to deal with someone like this. Happy hunting.
ChatroomHero Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 That sucks. I'll be honest with you, you know odds are there is someone else or she decided she wasn't interested. Either way I bet if she was really who you thought she was, she would never just cut you out like that so accept that she wasn't as good as you probably gave her credit for and it wouldn't have worked in the long run anyway. Contacting her won't get you very far, if you got anything it would be a line of shoddy reasoning and probably not any real closure. If you are bored, even a week later a text saying, "I hope you had a great vacation!!! :)" with a smiley or "XOXOXO" might be a subtle, satisfying goodbye because you know she'd read it.
cerridwen Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Good for you for drawing a line. People are complex and the more sensitive and emotional, the more confounding they can appear to others. It's my opinion that when moods strike, it's important the person communicate to their other so there's clarity. We're not mind-readers, after all, right? Perhaps she IS going through some internal wrestling or PMS or a toothache, and withdrawing feels soothing. However, we're not all born with a sixth sense. Communicate, communicate those of us you prone to hot/cold behavior! But OP, I like the cut of your jib. Happy times ahead.
ThingsAreComplicated Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 usually you wouldn't invite someone you barely know to spend your vacation with in the first place. How many times did you have sex and how long were you dating?
Author SeventhFloor Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 We dated a little over a month, had sex twice (waited about a month). She seemed very into me. I really want to know what happened, and my friend who was with me through this is also super curious as to what happened because she was super into me! Though at this point...it's not even worth it to contact her, is it? With a situation like this, I'm pretty sure there was someone else involved - probably her ex boyfriend - but I can't state this enough, I am FINE with that! Its just the 100% hot to 100% cold that I am confused about!
ThingsAreComplicated Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 it's really hard to tell because we do not know what happened exactly and only know your side of the story. But yeah, basically you texted and tried to call. Personally I would not contact her again at the moment.
ChatroomHero Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I really want to know what happened, and my friend who was with me through this is also super curious as to what happened because she was super into me! Though at this point...it's not even worth it to contact her, is it? On one hand it's not exactly going to hurt if you contact her to ease your mind and ask her what exactly happened, if you can get a hold of her. It's not like you can lose her by calling or following up. But chances are she would never come out and say, "I am back with my ex" or "After a while I lost interest". Likely if you get anything it will be a bs fluff job so it might be more confusing because like you said she was really into you. You might ease your mind knowing you made your best effort to get closure but at the same time I would bet her answer would likely be just as confusing, whatever her answer was. ...unless you got her pregnant.
Desensitized Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Sounds a lot like the beginning behavior my borderline personality disordered (BPD) ex-girlfriend exhibited. After you have sex with a girl who has BPD, it all changes. For the worse, usually. Don't get me wrong, some of the high functioning people with BPD tend to be nice people. But usually, it's very difficult to understand them. Not saying she has full-blown BPD, however, as I obviously can't diagnose her. But I'd be wary about it. It's the excitement that draws you to her, isn't it, OP?
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