Sameold Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Well guys, 25th May my LT gf of nearly 4 years comes home to our flat and says it all, ILYBINILWU, it's not you... blah. This was the only girl I had been in a relationship with, the only one I wanted to. I loved her so genuinely, we had no arguments and no game playing. This the worst thing ever, a really messy break up followed with me finding out she wasn't deserving of this pedestal at all. I was angry, I am still really angry at her disgusting behaviour but that isn't what this is about. I developed a plan, I was going to spend a month trying to get her back. Conciously I knew it wouldn't work but I wanted toi look myself in the mirror and say "I tried to save this". I used NC, I was nice, overly nice, made a big gesture at the end too and it got me nowhere. It just showed my how she had changed, text book GIGS resulting from new job and a new social group having before had few friends. Will she regret all she's thrown away? In time I think yes, but so what? It will mean nothing then. But after that I drew the line, deleted and blocked her on fb. Only contact now is business like e-mails to sort flat out. So here I am now in August, I live in what is nearly an empty flat but now I use it to find peace, I use it as a temple to build myself physically and I get through each week and see friends/family at the weekend. I had casual sex on Friday night, just another part of moving on. I'm on my 3rd date with a different girl I really like. Another girl wants to meet up, but I'm leaving it for now. I'm playing football (soccer) again! (I'm English) I've arranged a 6 month secondment in Sept to move 50 miles north and live back home to save money. I'm off on a lad's holiday at end of this month. It struck me that I had developed a co-dependancy with my ex. We had our own lives but emotionally it was there. All I have been doing is bringing other aspects of my life up and up and up. No longer does this terrible feeling about my ex consume me. Yeh it hurts when I think but mostly now I have things to look forward to aswell in all aspects of life. We all need this balance in our life and when the ex goes, screw her because she left your life and you owe it to yourself to prove just how awesome it can be....and not just to prove her wrong (like i said mine is blocked for good) but just to get happy and begin that journey again. The ex will find out at some point how you are living your life...it's irrelevant to an extent but be the MAN who really genuinely has that good life. Cheers, Sameold 1
Dblock10 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 nice story, yeah i feel i have been in your shoes before, was with another ex for 3.5 years. well that ended and it took me ages to get out that black hole but i did it and i can say ive had the best life since, and now i hear she is pregnant with the guy she left me for. but with my current ex, its different. she is living out what i want and have always wanted to do. so how do i feel good about anything.. knowing she has already done it and is living the dream
Author Sameold Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 But dude we all move on in our own way don't we? You seems to be stopping yourself. I know even though you've unsubcribed you will still be taking cheeky peeks at her profile...block it! So she's gone travelling for a bit...whooo bloody whooo. Nearly half the population goes "travelling" for a while and then it ends and normal life continues. If travelling is important to it then why not go do it? You'll certainly have no one to go with if you sit in your room or talk about your ex forever to anyone that cares. Why not go out with some mates this weekend? Go to a bar, be Mr Cool. Chat to a girl if you want to and have a good time, expand your network. Your biggest problem is your not prepared to let go of this girl and in that sense we on LS can't do anymore. NC is the recomended dose of medicine to start healing and until you literally severe all ability to check her profile out on facebook or those of her friends who she is with you're still not there. At some point you NEED to be a man and draw the line. I did, I tried to get her back and on the final day of the calendar in June I hit complete NC and ended it. She isn't in my life anymore, I don't know what she's doing and quite frankly I don't care. Why don't I care? Because she isn't part of my llife, she isn't my gf anymore and seriously...you need to realise that. NC. 1
Floored Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 screw her because she left your life and you owe it to yourself to prove just how awesome it can be....and not just to prove her wrong but just to get happy and begin that journey again. This quote needs to be set apart, I feel like this is the heart of healing and moving on. A revenge-fueled quest for fun or glory can be somewhat successful, but earnestly wanting to just get up and live for yourself is what will bring peace. That's been my struggle this week. The part of me that still thinks of her every other second wants to go to her city, insert myself into her company and rise to power there. The sane part of me knows if any healthy move is to happen, I need to move where I've been longing to and continue my journey there. I'm thinking the mountains. I may sig that quote. It's perfect.
Author Sameold Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 Cheers Floored. I really am healing now. I am lucky that I have a strong set of family and friends but basically I'm just learning how to be single again. It has its advantages. As for the ex when I think of her I pity her and laugh when I think of how much she could just throw away. Imagine if I married her? Some people in life think of everything as disposable. I certainly do not want to be a divorce statistic.
Floored Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 I can imagine if you married her, it'd be the same with my ex. I got ILYBINILWU very close to when were to get engaged. As messy as it's been, it would have been worse calling up family and friends to tell them to unsave the date. Worse still to have to go through divorce, something I will live hard to avoid. It sucks, but we're in a far better spot than we could have been all things considered.
YorickBrown Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) Originally Posted by Sameold screw her because she left your life and you owe it to yourself to prove just how awesome it can be....and not just to prove her wrong but just to get happy and begin that journey again. This quote needs to be set apart, I feel like this is the heart of healing and moving on. A revenge-fueled quest for fun or glory can be somewhat successful, but earnestly wanting to just get up and live for yourself is what will bring peace. That's been my struggle this week. The part of me that still thinks of her every other second wants to go to her city, insert myself into her company and rise to power there. The sane part of me knows if any healthy move is to happen, I need to move where I've been longing to and continue my journey there. I'm thinking the mountains. I may sig that quote. It's perfect. I definitely LIKED this better! I had casual sex on Friday night, just another part of moving on. I'm on my 3rd date with a different girl I really like. Another girl wants to meet up, but I'm leaving it for now. I'm playing football (soccer) again! (I'm English) Cheers, Sameold You gigolo you!!!! English slut!!! Edited August 1, 2012 by YorickBrown emphasis
Author Sameold Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 Yorrick, you can call me Bond, James Bond.
Dblock10 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 sameold, nope i didnt look once on her profile for an entire 11 months. and i dont plan to either. only thing that can effect me is seeing her profile picture as that small icon that appears in your friends online list.. yeah she went travelling for half a year a year ago. she came back, for 3 months, initiated contact more than once but failed to actually set a plan to meet me, i gave up , then one night we met up... she has gone back to one of the countries she liked when she was travelling. and has a male 'friend' whom also lives there. as i say, i know she slept with others, so in my books it doesn't take a genius to work out the score. to me, its too convenient that he also lives there and has her favourite accent.. so yeah has she got a normal life now,.. i doubt it. if she had stuck around this place sure id regard it as normal life. she classes what she is doing as a long holiday.. for a year living abroad, i class that as starting a new life. the chances of her meeting someone then living there because of them in the future or staying on there is so high, the amount of stories she told me of her family members doing similar is very high. i am at uni, 1 year left, have work commitments just now. so until i finish i am firmly grounded here. i did meet friends, we went to a gig at the weekend and it was amazing. I am meeting new women, or precisely one. met her at the gym and she has asked me out for a drink.. yeah that last paragraph makes me think. once ive moved on it all wont matter.
edelveis Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Hi dude,your story is full of positive energy.you are thinking just like everyone should think.I face my situation the same way with you but i didnt delete her on facebook coz i am strong enough not to look at her profile and not be affected by seeing her online.. If someone left you its their loss.theres no point in grieving forever.LIfe is forward and this is the direction you should be looking at.Life is full of surpises and things to explore. And in the end lifes too short to be afraid..
YorickBrown Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Yorrick, you can call me Bond, James Bond. Ok, 007. but wait...would you be Sean Connery?, Roger Moore, Pierce? Brosnan or that new guy? Uhmmm...Daniel something...I forget...uhmmm...googling...uhmm..ahhhh...fuggetit...let's just call you Johnny...English Reborn!!!
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