7 Months NC, Why Am I Feeling Worse?

[Frank13]

Basic story, she lost feelings for me so I ended things. I knew something was wrong near the end which made me jealous and insecure. Things ended badly over the phone as we argued and I hung up on her. I was actually glad when I ended things so I could stop feeling jealous and insecure and move on. Right after she sent a couple "miss you" emails but I never replied and we have been NC ever since, about 7 months.

 

I think we both had some unanswered questions but it didn't bother me because in the end, it didn't matter. We would never be together. It didn't matter what she thought of me or what the answers to my questions were. It wouldn't change anything.

 

I kept very busy but at the end of the day I would think of her. I never really felt that I was moving on, and if I was it was very slowly. There was no hope so I should have been happy to move on but it didn't feel like I was. Everything else in my life was going well so I just kept pushing on.

 

I really started to miss her badly around the 5 month mark but never felt I was going to break NC. I never wanted to see her again. There was no point to it. I guess things seemed to get better for a little bit but I still missed her and thought about her daily.

 

For the past month or more she has been on my mind constantly. It wasn't the obsessive thoughts, just an overwhelming sadness. I think of her first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

 

Yesterday I got a very strong urge to contact her. I had to fight it so hard. I knew all the reasons not to contact her but my emotions were telling me to do it. It made me understand when people come her wanting to break NC, are told by 100 people why they shouldn't, but they do it anyway. I kept busy hoping the feelings would pass. They stayed all day, but I didn't contact her. I knew I would be giving up any power I had, even though it seemed having power wasn't doing me any good.

 

Today the urge lessened but got worse than yesterday as the day went on. I even went back and read some old emails of hers which I haven't done since the break up. I think part of the reason was that I am getting tired of the constant feeling of sadness. I feel worse than I have in 7 months and am wondering if it isn't better to break NC and meet up or talk with her. Maybe just kind of bury the hatchet and part on a good note, or possibly see her and realize I don't miss her, but just my embellished image of her.

 

I feel like someone close to me has died and I am in mourning. I know this is to be expected, but she isn't dead and I feel like seeing her and talking will stop the sadness for a bit. Yeah, it would probably get worse after seeing her, but it isn't getting better being NC.

 

Anyway, I am embarrassed to say I called her but hung up just as she answered. I had no intention of speaking to her. I just wanted her to see it was a missed call from my number (if she even remembers it) and think it was accidental, but still think about me. Very childish I know and never in a million years thought I would do that, but I did feel a little better after I did it. It was either that or fully blown breaking NC.

 

So I am feeling really depressed tonight. I am losing interest in everything. Just not seeing the point in life or anything else. I am so tired of being constantly sad. We were friends first and I really miss that. One thing that kept me going was hoping that one day I would be over her enough to be friends, but by then I wouldn't want to.

 

Why after 7 months of NC am I feeling so bad? I guess I will just keep on pushing on. I still have feelings so I know being friends wouldn't work right now, but I am just so sad and I can't figure out why now, especially when I never wanted to see her again.

Edited August 1, 2012 by Frank13

[BooBoo1982]

If she wanted you back would you go back? Do you regret ignoring the initial 'I miss you' emails?

[Coffee20]

Basic story, she lost feelings for me so I ended things. I knew something was wrong near the end which made me jealous and insecure. Things ended badly over the phone as we argued and I hung up on her. I was actually glad when I ended things so I could stop feeling jealous and insecure and move on. Right after she sent a couple "miss you" emails but I never replied and we have been NC ever since, about 7 months.

 

that sound similar to my story, but we ended things on chat . I don't like this, so then I went to end it face to face.

 

Yesterday I got a very strong urge to contact her. I had to fight it so hard. I knew all the reasons not to contact her but my emotions were telling me to do it. It made me understand when people come her wanting to break NC, are told by 100 people why they shouldn't, but they do it anyway. I kept busy hoping the feelings would pass. They stayed all day, but I didn't contact her. I knew I would be giving up any power I had, even though it seemed having power wasn't doing me any good.

 

Today the urge lessened but got worse than yesterday as the day went on. I even went back and read some old emails of hers which I haven't done since the break up. I think part of the reason was that I am getting tired of the constant feeling of sadness. I feel worse than I have in 7 months and am wondering if it isn't better to break NC and meet up or talk with her. Maybe just kind of bury the hatchet and part on a good note, or possibly see her and realize I don't miss her, but just my embellished image of her.

 

I feel like someone close to me has died and I am in mourning. I know this is to be expected, but she isn't dead and I feel like seeing her and talking will stop the sadness for a bit. Yeah, it would probably get worse after seeing her, but it isn't getting better being NC.

 

Anyway, I am embarrassed to say I called her but hung up just as she answered. I had no intention of speaking to her. I just wanted her to see it was a missed call from my number (if she even remembers it) and think it was accidental, but still think about me. Very childish I know and never in a million years thought I would do that, but I did feel a little better after I did it. It was either that or fully blown breaking NC.

 

So I am feeling really depressed tonight. I am losing interest in everything. Just not seeing the point in life or anything else. I am so tired of being constantly sad. We were friends first and I really miss that. One thing that kept me going was hoping that one day I would be over her enough to be friends, but by then I wouldn't want to.

 

Why after 7 months of NC am I feeling so bad? I guess I will just keep on pushing on. I still have feelings so I know being friends wouldn't work right now, but I am just so sad and I can't figure out why now, especially when I never wanted to see her again.

 

I do understand you well, I miss my ex - I don't even know why and I sometimes have very cruel feeling to break NC. On the other hand I don't want to see him and I don't want to talk. And to be honest yes you will feel better but then you will feel much much worse. I did broke it twice. And it was HUGE mistake. Things ended very badly. So I really recommend to continue with NC. One day you will feel (or I at least hope) that you are over her. I think that day you won't even have any urge to be friends with her again.

[Sugarkane]

Yes OP it is very much like death, especially if you know you won't run into them. I wanted to wear mourning clothes for ages. They used to do that in Olden times. The real lack of resolution is what really ****Ed me off. If they can just walk out of our lives and never look back, then I don't want to know them.

[Frank13]

If she wanted you back would you go back? Do you regret ignoring the initial 'I miss you' emails?

 

Months ago I would have said I don't want her back. I was slowly healing and didn't ever want to feel the pain of losing her ever again. However, I have been feeling so sad for over a month that now I feel I would want her back. The problem is I know she lost feelings and if they had come back, I'd think she would have contacted me but she hasn't. It just seems the only way the pain and sadness is going to stop is to have her back.

 

I don't regret ignoring the initial "I miss you" emails because I knew they were breadcrumbs. After I hung up on her I thought we would talk again and say our good byes, but she immediately sent a somewhat nasty email blaming me for things and criticizing me. I couldn't believe that she knew she was about to lose me, but instead of trying to be nice to me, she sent an email attacking me. I immediately went NC.

 

She sent an "I miss you email" the next day and a week later. I ignored them. I expected her to realize it was over and either blow up my phone or email box trying to get me back (although I highly doubted that), or at the least send a good bye email. She didn't do either. I never heard from her again. The "I miss you" emails were just that. I'd say they were half-assed. Nothing about wanting to get back together or apologizing for things she said in her email or for us not working out.

 

I never went through an anger stage since the break up. I didn't want to hurt her. If she lost feelings she lost feelings. Not her fault and nothing to blame her for. I just felt it is over and wanted her to be happy.

 

However, after re-reading that nasty email last night for the first time in 7 months, I now waver between wanting to call her to bury the hatchet and wanting to call her to tell her off. She did say some pretty nasty things that were completely uncalled for.

 

Back then it didn't matter as I knew it was over and never wanted to see her again. I just didn't think 7 months later I would feel so sad. She really does deserve to be told how not to treat people who care about you like s^%t, but then in a few months I would probably regret it and I think ending badly may have got me to feeling the way I am recently.

 

I did feel better after making my original post. It helped to get it out and vent a little. I even felt bad for calling her. I wonder if she thinks I got weak but bailed out at the last moment and hung up. Feels like I may have just given her an ego stroke.

[Frank13]

I do understand you well, I miss my ex - I don't even know why and I sometimes have very cruel feeling to break NC. On the other hand I don't want to see him and I don't want to talk. And to be honest yes you will feel better but then you will feel much much worse. I did broke it twice. And it was HUGE mistake. Things ended very badly. So I really recommend to continue with NC. One day you will feel (or I at least hope) that you are over her. I think that day you won't even have any urge to be friends with her again.

 

Thank you Coffee for your reply. For months I missed her, but it has only been in the past month or a little more that it has gone from simply missing her and thinking about her when I wasn't busy, to this constant sadness and thoughts of her. I really liked the fact that I was never going to see her again. That meant no more pain, no more problems. I just can't figure out why instead of getting better, I got really sad for so long.

 

I see the potential for it ending badly if I break NC. I have no doubt that she wouldn't mind hearing from me. She has no feelings so would like to be friends. But I know that if she said anything negative, I would either feel hurt or get angry with her and tell her off. There has been too many bad things said for me to just be friends with her and act like she never said those nasty things.

 

Oh well, I will just keep on keeping on. I feel a bit better today. It just amazes me how you can cut someone out of your life for 7 months but then be so sad. It really feels like a loved one has died and that I was suddenly given the chance to see and talk to them one more time.

[canifixit]

Oh that does sound painful. i just got dumped so cant relate as im all doom and gloom for me at the moment.

 

But i have lost friends where we've had no contact and suddenly months later you get consumed by a mad obsession to get back in touch with them.

 

I agree, its out of nowhere.

 

Its like you want to know they still think about you

care about you

miss you

 

self validation maybe

 

its like you cant believe that they dont want you in their lives

 

though in your case you didnt want her..... but just want to make sure she still thinks about you?? youre also bored. thats obvious.

 

I think its feelings of rejection. like youre so important to someone one day and the next day youre nothing.

 

dont contact her- you need something or someone else to distract you. obsess about something else for a while. maybe wear an elastic band and ping it hard everytime you have the urge to contact her! maybe i should do that for myself every time i get mopey!

 

online sucks a lot BUT you can probably find someone else to take away your mind.

 

though i feel like ill never find anyone else...odd that im giving you advice that logically youll find someone else---- its hard to take your own advice. maybe because we're so defeatist and think nothing good happens so cant take our own advice. easy to shell it out.

 

hope you feel better soon

[Frank13]

Yes OP it is very much like death, especially if you know you won't run into them. I wanted to wear mourning clothes for ages. They used to do that in Olden times. The real lack of resolution is what really ****Ed me off. If they can just walk out of our lives and never look back, then I don't want to know them.

 

Thanks for your reply Sugarkane. I can't figure out why I am at this morning stage after 7 months when I didn't feel it earlier, like in the first month or two.

 

Although I was the one who ended things because she lost feelings, she would have done it eventually. To her it may look like I walked out of her life and never looked back. Did/does she miss me? Did it tear her up but she knew she didn't want to be with me? Did she decide she wanted to be with me but figured I walked away so easy so figured I wouldn't want her back? Is she staying NC out of respect for me to heal? Or does she just not care? I think she just doesn't care. She knew how I felt about her and I never even got a good bye.

 

I just wish I could be over her by now. There isn't any logical reason why I shouldn't be.

[BooBoo1982]

I think talking to her would help, you have so many unanswered questions maybe getting closure would help.

[Frank13]

Oh that does sound painful. i just got dumped so cant relate as im all doom and gloom for me at the moment.

 

But i have lost friends where we've had no contact and suddenly months later you get consumed by a mad obsession to get back in touch with them.

 

I agree, its out of nowhere.

 

Its like you want to know they still think about you

care about you

miss you

 

self validation maybe

 

its like you cant believe that they dont want you in their lives

 

though in your case you didnt want her..... but just want to make sure she still thinks about you?? youre also bored. thats obvious.

 

I think its feelings of rejection. like youre so important to someone one day and the next day youre nothing.

 

hope you feel better soon

 

You are right on with this canifixit.

 

I did want her, but she didn't want me so I had to end things. I knew something was wrong, that her feelings had change so it made me insecure and jealous. I hated feeling that way so rather than keep feeling this way until she ended it, I did.

[Frank13]

I think talking to her would help, you have so many unanswered questions maybe getting closure would help.

 

I keep wondering if you are right. The problem is now I can't decide whether I want to talk to her to leave things between us on a good note, or if I want to talk to her to tell her what an @sshole and terrible person she is.

 

Not sure if either would do any good so hopefully my indecision will keep me NC. I just wish the feelings of missing her and sadness would go away. It's been 7 months and I can't seem to shake them.

[BooBoo1982]

I don't think shebwould have sent an angry email of she had lost feeling, when you lose feelings for someone you don't go out of your way to be nasty to them, you walk away and don't care.

[BooBoo1982]

I keep wondering if you are right. The problem is now I can't decide whether I want to talk to her to leave things between us on a good note, or if I want to talk to her to tell her what an @sshole and terrible person she is.

 

Not sure if either would do any good so hopefully my indecision will keep me NC. I just wish the feelings of missing her and sadness would go away. It's been 7 months and I can't seem to shake them.

I wouldn't tell how terrible she is, she was probably hurting when she sent the nasty message, I know it's no excuse to be nasty but sometimes emotions take over.

[jgregory4614]

I feel your pain Frank. Me and my wife seperated over a month ago with NC. I've been fine with the NC until this morning. It's killing me just to find out how she's do or if she wanted to contact me.

I know I can't contact her. No matter how bad I want to.

Have you dated anyone since the break up or any hook ups? Maybe thats what you need Frank. It would help with the demons. Who knows It might lead to something better than the traditional hook up.

[Gulf-Delta]

Your mind wasn't ready for NC yet

[Frank13]

I don't think shebwould have sent an angry email of she had lost feeling, when you lose feelings for someone you don't go out of your way to be nasty to them, you walk away and don't care.

 

Good point. I guess her NC after her first couple "I miss yous" and her never saying good bye kind of told me she didn't care. That was her walking away.

[Frank13]

I wouldn't tell how terrible she is, she was probably hurting when she sent the nasty message, I know it's no excuse to be nasty but sometimes emotions take over.

 

True. I read the emails and knew it was over. I didn't re-read them for 7 months but thought about them. At one point I even rationalized it and saw the point to everything she was saying. Excused them and even justified it all. Thought maybe she did it to get a reaction out of me. In the end she just didn't put up a fight for us. She knew how I felt about her so it was up to her to fight for us.

 

If things would have been the opposite, I would have fought hard for her. At the least I would have sent her a good bye email.

[Frank13]

I feel your pain Frank. Me and my wife seperated over a month ago with NC. I've been fine with the NC until this morning. It's killing me just to find out how she's do or if she wanted to contact me.

I know I can't contact her. No matter how bad I want to.

Have you dated anyone since the break up or any hook ups? Maybe thats what you need Frank. It would help with the demons. Who knows It might lead to something better than the traditional hook up.

 

I think I would have a easier time if I knew she wanted to contact me. But if she doesn't want me, she probably doesn't see the point. I know she would want to be friends but all that usually means is people going their separate ways without hating each other.

 

I haven't dated as I don't feel like it and don't think it is fair to the girl if I am still hung up on my ex.

 

I did meet a nice girl the other day. I was very attracted to her and we had a nice talk. I certainly would want to date her. I didn't think of my ex while I was with her, but as soon as I left, my ex was on my mind.

[Frank13]

Your mind wasn't ready for NC yet

 

But then what is the alternative. The constant heatbreak and jealousy knowing I am not the guy she wants? NC seemed to be the only choice and answer until a few days ago. I think trying to be friends would help, but not if I still have feelings.

[dsw31]

Hey Frank13,

 

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I do too! (most of the time) It will get better.

 

I just thought I'd chime in here with a little tidbit I read somewhere.

 

I don't know who the author is, or what the book is called but, she's a psychologist & mentioned in the book, that after a break up, there comes a point where you begin to forget about the bad & reminicse more about the good.Natuarally that will make you begin to miss that person more.

 

She said this usually happens at about the 6-8 month mark.So there's some kind of explanation for you.

 

It's normal & it will pass....eventually.

 

Good job staying no contact & being so strong.I wish I would have done the same.

Edited August 2, 2012 by dsw31

[Gulf-Delta]

But then what is the alternative. The constant heatbreak and jealousy knowing I am not the guy she wants? NC seemed to be the only choice and answer until a few days ago. I think trying to be friends would help, but not if I still have feelings.

 

NC is something you work up to.

[Frank13]

Thank you dsw31. At the end all I did remember was the bad. Of course as time went by I started to forget the bad, but I knew that would happen. I was still ok with NC and never seeing her again. In fact never seeing her again is what I wanted. I never wanted to feel the hurt and pain again.

 

I wasn't aware of the 6 - 8 months time period and your tidbit explains that. What's weird is that I re-read her last nasty email and it reminded me of the bad and how awful she was at the end. But instead of making me want her out of my life even more, it makes me want to contact her and part on a good note or chew her out. It shouldn't matter now after 7 months.

 

I never had what others call a "day one". When I ended things I was actually happy. Happy that the heartache, insecurity, and jealousy would come to an end. But now I feel like the "day one" everyone talks about.

 

I am staying NC but just wish I could get past this. I shouldn't be worse 7 months after the fact.

[Frank13]

NC is something you work up to.

 

Kind of like fading away? I thought about staying LC with her but knew, there wouldn't be any effort on her part to keep it going. That is why I went NC.

 

If you were me, what would you do?

[Gulf-Delta]

Kind of like fading away? I thought about staying LC with her but knew, there wouldn't be any effort on her part to keep it going. That is why I went NC.

 

If you were me, what would you do?

 

IDK man.

 

My ex has never initiated contact with me so IDK. I could say one thing but in reality, would probably do something totally different :/

[Frank13]

Geez, I am feeling bouts of jealousy and insecurities like I did near the end of the relationship. It's been 7 months NC. The last thing I have any right to feel is jealousy or insecurities over a relationship that doesn't exist. What the hell is wrong with me?