Fitnerd Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 I'm glad I discovered this forum now as I really want to share my story. It all started in September; I had just started the first year of my master's degree (I was 21) and during my first English class, I noticed this cute girl but thought nothing of it. Fast forward a couple of months, and her and one of my college friends were hitting it off (he had a gf for 2+ years). They started texting each other a lot and wanted to get more serious. Let’s call him B for boy and her G for girl. During this time, I kept advising B to dump his gf before doing anything with G, as cheating is bad. In December, he gives me her number for a reason I forgot and I start texting her a bit (really innocently). But, as time went on, we started texting each other more and more, sometimes morning to night, which really started to piss off B (I didn’t care cause I only saw G as a friend). By January, after Christmas vacation, B dumped his gf and started dating G. I was happy for them but during this time, I was still texting her a lot. We were getting closer and closer until one day, after 3 months or so, I started having feelings for G. So I took the decision to tell her the truth, thinking she'll push me away, that way, we could stop texting for a while and my feelings will go away. I did just that, except she didn't push me away, she told me she had feelings for me as well. And this is where the nightmare started. From the beginning of March (when I admitted my feelings to her) till April, it was all drama, me telling her I love her, she telling me the same but also telling me she can't breakup with B as she was also in love with him. During this time, I tried letting go, but every time I did, she was pulling me back (I'm not blaming her here, I'm also at fault as I was letting her pull me). Let me tell you now that her relationship with B wasn't perfect all, even during the first months together (what people call the honeymoon phase), they fought A LOT, over anything (B is really immature). Anyway, in the beginning of April, after 2 weeks of me avoiding her, something bad happened. She was pregnant. B (being the immature jerk that he is) panicked and started blaming her, not being there for her AT ALL, telling her abortion is easy (she's Christian so it wasn't easy for her). So she came to me, and I didn't want to be a jerk, so I helped her during this rough time, telling myself I'll go back to ignoring her once this is all over (yes I was stupid). After it was over, I wanted to corner her alone (I didn't want to end this on the phone) to tell her we should go back to avoiding each other but couldn't... Until she invited me to her place. I was like, it’s perfect, I'll go there, explain myself and leave. So I went there, she made me dinner, we watched a movie (I was trying to find a way to tell her during this time), until it was very late at night and I couldn't catch the subway home, so I had to sleep over. When I told her that, she said that it was what she wanted anyway (me sleeping over). So she got into her bed and me on a mattress on the floor. And this is when I told her, that I still had feelings for her, that I helped her during this time, but I couldn't stay like this as I had to move on. She tells me that this rough period brought her closer to me and farther from her bf. We talked a bit and then... had sex. For a week, it was perfect; we were almost bf and gf (she was planning to leave him). Until one day, she tells me her feelings for him came back, and she wasn't sure who to choose again. I was pissed. So from April to mid May, it was again the same nightmare, except that we were sleeping together this time. After that, she went on vacation with B for a whole week, and this is when I decided that it’s over (we didn’t talk at all during this week). The 1st of June was a party celebrating the end of the school year (and the day B and G came back from vacation) and lucky me, a few days before, my ex gf came to visit for 2 weeks (we became VERY good friends after our breakup and she was always there for me). She offered the idea of her going with me to the party as my +1 (she is really hot) and that will make G jealous, I told her it's nonsense but accepted nonetheless (I couldn’t go alone). It happened exactly as my ex gf predicted, 2 days after the party (I didn’t talk to G AT ALL and she was avoiding me all night), she texted me, my ex gf tells me to ignore it. I did just that.
Author Fitnerd Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 A few days after, G texts me again (a long message this time) how I was being mean to her, that she came back from vacation and all she wanted was to see me. It pissed me off and I went to her place (yes a mistake) to yell at her. After that yelling, we talked and… had sex… I was still madly in love with her… I came back home the next to my ex gf yelling at me and insulting me for being so weak… The next week, I wasn’t talking to G at all (my ex gf being here was helping me a lot). After she left, my feelings were coming back, so I decided to go home for a while (I study abroad). G found out and texted me that she wasn’t going to let me go like that. For 2 days I was pissed off at the meaning of this text until I ask her to meet me for a talk. I was planning of telling her that it’s over, that I was depressed all the time, and I want closure. We meet, and before I tell her anything, she tells me she decided to leave B. I was chocked… I couldn’t believe it… But like an idiot, I did. I had 2 weeks left before I leave, and told her that she has to leave B before. She promised and for 2 weeks, it was heaven again… Until 2 days before I leave, when she tells me that she wouldn’t be able to hold her promise, as when she told B she wanted to leave him, he started crying and that made her pull back… I gave her another 2 weeks and she promised again… (2 days after, I went home for a month). During this month, we were texting every day, and AGAIN, she tells me she couldn’t hold her promise… I didn’t want to ruin my vacation so I told her its fine as long as she doesn’t sleep with him and that we were going to talk about it when I came back. When I came back (that’s a few days ago), she wasn’t answering any of my texts or my calls, and It was pissing me off… I was panicking… thinking something happened to her. It was Sunday and I didn’t know where she was… The next day, I went to visit her where she works… and she was extremely chocked to see me, I told her to take 5 min off, she did and we talked… She told me that our time apart brought her closer to B and… she slept with him YESTERDAY NIGHT. I was devastated… I told her I was coming to her place at night to talk (she had to go back to work). I did, we talked all night (we didn’t sleep together), and it was exactly the same as before, she wasn’t sure but this time, she didn’t want to hurt me (after all this…) and she wanted to let me go… I was so sad… The next day I went home, depressed and on the verge of crying… I called her and… it was the first time she was this cold to me… She said she couldn’t be direct with me face to face, that it was easier on the phone, and for the first time again, she gave me closure… That she couldn’t leave B at all now… That she wasn’t ready, that she had to let me go for my own sake as she couldn’t hurt me anymore… (that was yesterday)… We talked for 2h, and when I hanged up, it just hit me… It’s over… and for the first time, while I was sad… I was feeling better, closure… I talked to my mom about it (needless to say my mom hated her and was amazed at how I could still be in love with a girl like that), it was becoming clearer and clearer in my head that It was really over, that I should stop hoping, that G and I would never work out, that I should just move on… I woke up a bit sad this morning and as I was surfing the web, I discovered this forum, decided to post my story and ask for opinions, and advice at what I should do right now. This was my first love, maybe this is why I was holding on so dearly. Thank you for reading this huge story, I hope you guys will help me move on.
Author Fitnerd Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 I know my story is a bit long but anyone? :/
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