Ilooknormal Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Im 30 and married. I have had signs of agoraphobia since I was 3. I have been diagnosed with add, OCD and extreme anxiety. I am never depressed. Those closest to me and doctors find it weird that I am not depressed given how much of my life I have missed out on. I am able to just block it out. I feel the worst for my wonderful husband of 10 years. He has to go everywhere alone and has never known a time that I wasn't agoraphobic. He deserves more. He deserves a wife that will be able to be by his side. We have a great marriage otherwise. He is sad to go places alone, but he loves me. Should I leave him so he can have a more fulfilled life? I love him with all my heart...
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Have you ever tried to work through your agrophobia? Seen a therapist who can help you do exposure therapy and slowly learn to teach yourself it's OK to be outside, live life? Cognitive behaviour therapy is something you really should consider. Combo that with meds, it can really help you. This is a forever thing but it can be controlled and get better enough that you can go outside, go places with your husband. He loves you and isn't going to abandon you. You are lucky to have a loving and supportive/understanding husband. Don't walk away from him.
Author Ilooknormal Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 Have you ever tried to work through your agrophobia? Seen a therapist who can help you do exposure therapy and slowly learn to teach yourself it's OK to be outside, live life? Cognitive behaviour therapy is something you really should consider. Combo that with meds, it can really help you. This is a forever thing but it can be controlled and get better enough that you can go outside, go places with your husband. He loves you and isn't going to abandon you. You are lucky to have a loving and supportive/understanding husband. Don't walk away from him. I have been to many doctors and institutions trying to get help. I am a little better, but not enough. I am on meds and I won't give up hope or stop trying. This is just the crap I was dealt and I have to get through it. I know he feels so lonely and I don't blame him. I feel so bad that he fell in love with me. He could have fallen in love with a normal girl and had a perfect life. It's not fair to him. Am I being cruel in staying? He can't leave me because he would feel so guilty. I should leave him and gift him a new life without my burdens. I just love him so much. It would be so impossible to leave him, but if I'm hurting him more in staying its worse. I just feel like I would be so empty without him, but that's so selfish of me...
2sunny Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 I have been to many doctors and institutions trying to get help. I am a little better, but not enough. I am on meds and I won't give up hope or stop trying. This is just the crap I was dealt and I have to get through it. I know he feels so lonely and I don't blame him. I feel so bad that he fell in love with me. He could have fallen in love with a normal girl and had a perfect life. It's not fair to him. Am I being cruel in staying? He can't leave me because he would feel so guilty. I should leave him and gift him a new life without my burdens. I just love him so much. It would be so impossible to leave him, but if I'm hurting him more in staying its worse. I just feel like I would be so empty without him, but that's so selfish of me... Get more therapy. Try emdr too. You need to work on a healthier sense of yourself and your own value.
KungFuJoe Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 I have been to many doctors and institutions trying to get help. I am a little better, but not enough. I am on meds and I won't give up hope or stop trying. This is just the crap I was dealt and I have to get through it. I know he feels so lonely and I don't blame him. I feel so bad that he fell in love with me. He could have fallen in love with a normal girl and had a perfect life. It's not fair to him. Am I being cruel in staying? He can't leave me because he would feel so guilty. I should leave him and gift him a new life without my burdens. I just love him so much. It would be so impossible to leave him, but if I'm hurting him more in staying its worse. I just feel like I would be so empty without him, but that's so selfish of me... He loves you and it sounds like a cliche but love conquers all. I have OCD (pure O) as well and my wife sometimes has to deal with my crap but she sticks by my side and always will because the good times with me are more than worth it. Keep loving him and keep working on getting better. You owe it to him and yourself.
Author Ilooknormal Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 Sometimes when he is really sad about having to go places alone, he will say to me "do u think this is fair to me?". And then say something about how maybe I should leave him so he can have a fuller life. He hasn't left on his own ever and we have never seperated. We enjoy our time together. It's just those once or twice a year comments that stay inside me. It makes me wonder if I am being selfish in keeping him from a more complete life. What do u think? I would be devastated to leave him. I love our life together even if it's not the best life we could have.
xxoo Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 It makes me wonder if I am being selfish in keeping him from a more complete life. What do u think? I think that's a decision he should be making for himself. He's a grown man. If he chooses to be with you, trust it is because he wants to be there! For your part, keep pushing yourself forward. Your world will get smaller and smaller unless you actively challenge yourself. Do it for him.
BetrayedH Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Im 30 and married. I have had signs of agoraphobia since I was 3. I have been diagnosed with add, OCD and extreme anxiety. I am never depressed. Those closest to me and doctors find it weird that I am not depressed given how much of my life I have missed out on. I am able to just block it out. I feel the worst for my wonderful husband of 10 years. He has to go everywhere alone and has never known a time that I wasn't agoraphobic. He deserves more. He deserves a wife that will be able to be by his side. We have a great marriage otherwise. He is sad to go places alone, but he loves me. Should I leave him so he can have a more fulfilled life? I love him with all my heart... No, don't makr decisions for him. He is an adult. If he wants to leave he can. Every person has their challenges. A real spouse is one that loves you, warts and all. Embrace and thank him. I can't say a thing about your phobia but I can tell you deserve a good and faithful partner in life and it sounds like he does, too. Get your mind off of this track. Good luck to you.
Author Ilooknormal Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Thank you all for responding. It's tough to live like this day after day and to be sure you are making the correct decisions. I will never give up trying to get better and I am always in constant therapy. I guess I just needed to hear from others that I am not harming my husband. I will keep working on getting better for us to have a better life together. Thanks again. Positive support was just what I needed. 1
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