carolinagirl Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 i met my boyfriend in a post rehab intensive outpatient group therapy. not the best start perhaps but we fell in love and have been amazing. then six months ago we moved to a tiny town from a tourist town for his job where he makes amazing money but has been working twelve hour days every day with sometimes only one sunday off a month. hes the very jealous type creeping on my cell phone constantly but since i've had nothing to hide i've humored him and just let him. his ex wife cheated after six months of marraige. then a month ago i found some facebook messages of his flirting with another girl and left while he was at work to visit my brother. i don't drink since rehab and ended up drinking and sleeping with a guy i met up there. i came back where he had diamonds and presents for me and ended up finding pictures on my phone that i had sent this guy and i confessed. he wants to work it out with me and we're moving back home this week to try work it out and i'm just worried that maybe i'm not doing the right thing. i know i will never cheat on him again but maybe i need to be by myself to figure it out before i can be with him. he's the only guy i've ever been this serious with but also maybe i need to get my own life in order before i settle down with someone. i'm just scared if i ask for some time alone i won't get him back. i love him mo re than anyone i've ever loved and i would appreciate any advice.
GLDheart Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Why do you talk about his facebook flirting right before you admit to screwing another guy? How can you say you will never do it again when you make it sound like it all happened so easily? Why is it that you want to be "alone" (usually code for with someone else by the way) but you are afraid he may move on if you ask for a break? 1
StrangeBehaviors Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 You should be alone awhile. Several months in my opinion. If you lose him, that's the price of what you did and you should have to pay it. If you don't, then the relationship might have some slim chance. My personal opinion is that it's over though. You don't cheat on someone that you "love and respect". The behaviors cannot occupy the same space. I have no idea why he would give you any chance at all. You would cease to exist to me. 1
Chi townD Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 It's pretty obvious that you slept with this other guy for an exit affair. You screwed this guy and came home and confessed. You were probably pretty shocked that he agreed to work it out. You were sure that he would end it with you (which, deep down...you probably hoped he would) NOW! You're on here stating that you want to drop him. That you need "me" time or whatever the hell your excuse is. You're probably tired of him being jealous and insecure and looking over your shoulder all the time. But, I don't blame him. He got hurt and betrayed hard in his marriage. He was hurting and he's trying to protect what he holds dear to him. And out of anything you could have done; break up with him, moved out, ignored him. You decided to hurt him in such a way to cut him to the core. You gave yourself to another man when you promised to be exclusive to your boyfriend. So, I don't know if you want to lose him because you feel guilty. But I have a feeling that you want time to "find yourself" and possibily "find yourself" in bed with the OM again.
TG1 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Your boyfriend deserves so much better than you especially if you are going to cheat on him like that, but still I guess I can't really blame you for cheating on him because he is partly to blame for it but still it's not your boyfriend's fault that he is a workaholic and that he has this job because he is trying to provide not just for himself but for you too and the fact that you can do that to him, just WOW!!!!!! But still, he may have been wrong for flirting with other girls but did he cheat on you physically with those other girls? Let me answer that for you, NO, he didn't, you were the one who cheated So you are going to have to be the one who ends up making this up to him somehow
Sameold Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 lol it looks like he had to reason to creep you, you are a filthy cheat! You havn't been hard done to, he works his arse off and loved you. He has been hurt really badly before and he did not want this to happen again so what do you do? You go and stick the knife in further. Seriously you need to get out this man's life now and go shag around for a bit because it is obviously what you really want. Urgh, horrible, just horrible.
TG1 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 lol it looks like he had to reason to creep you, you are a filthy cheat! You havn't been hard done to, he works his arse off and loved you. He has been hurt really badly before and he did not want this to happen again so what do you do? You go and stick the knife in further. Seriously you need to get out this man's life now and go shag around for a bit because it is obviously what you really want. Urgh, horrible, just horrible. I agree most definitely and it would serve him right to find better and move on from you
RiverRunning Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 You guys are brutal. Insulting her does little good. I'm imagining most of the folks commenting on these threads have been cheated on or they've cheated themselves. The whole point is to help these people. If you have advice to heap out with your bite, so be it. But just to post with "I sure hope he gets better than you" doesn't do anybody any good. Post-rehab, OP? It may well be that you have some other problems going on here. How's your self-esteem? It seems very common that women cheat for emotional reasons - because they feel insecure, they feel unattractive, or maybe in your case, they just feel smothered by a boyfriend who trusts them for (until recently) no reason. That lack of trust can be a self-fulfilling prophecy: you treat someone like they're stupid, they will begin to believe it and act as such. If you treat an innocent person like a cheater, sometimes you reap what you sow. You're still responsible for your actions, of course - but putting most things in order for a fire to start means you'll likely have, well, a fire. I really do think that maybe some time alone is your best bet - and I mean, really, alone, depending on what's happening in your inner sphere. Was this just a strategy to leave your boyfriend? Was it an attempt to get payback - hey, if you're going to be treated as though you're a cheater, may as well be one? Did you want to feel attractive and loved? You point out he works a lot - were you lonely? Ultimately, no one can answer this but you. I don't think you're filthy, awful, nor do I think that you're a bad person. Most folks get the urge to cheat at some point. Some of us go a step further and follow through. What you've done has certainly hurt him - and you should feel the gravity of the pain you have caused him. If you stay with him, OP, you both really need to do some work together. Get some counseling and see if you can work on these issues.
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