Do you have any methods for dealing with irrational angry feelings when being copied?

[Cealabeala]

My room-mate and friend copies everything I do, wear, eat, say, buy. I know this is because she looks up to me. I know my feelings about it are irrational. But I can't stop feeling annoyed... even REVOLTED when she does it. There are several reasons for this.

 

I suspect that it gets to me because of some kind of self hatred thing going on... as in, "if she copies an idiot like me, she must be an even bigger idiot!"

 

I also suspect that it's because I am really put off when I recognise traits in other people that remind me of my self. Because a few years ago, I think I was similar to her in that I was in awe of one of my (now ex) best friends and emulated her.

 

The other thing is, is that I know I was less happy at that point in my life than I am now. I am more comfortable now, I trust myself to decide what I like and I don't need to copy anyone else. Mt friend is vulnerable at the moment for several reasons, and ever since I've known her I've always just wanted her to BE HERSELF. It puts me on edge that it's so obvious how little she believes in her own judgement. It's hard to be around someone with low self esteem. It's draining. And it's especially intense when we live together.

 

Oh, and it's just annoying to be copied. Like when she buys a t-shirt that I already own and pretends she didn't know I owned it too. But she did know. It just makes me uncomfortable. And there's the fourteen year old girl side of myself that hates the fact that she's wearing my t-shirt because it's MINE.

 

Whew. Ok. Anyway.

 

I want to be the bigger person about this. I want it not to annoy me, because that's the person I want to be, unruffled by such shallow things and compassionate enough to simply feel bad for her and support her without the annoyance. However, I am human, and I was wondering how you guys cope with irrational emotions? Also, how do you stop yourself from being brought down when trying to be there for others?

[SpiralOut]

That's a tricky thing to deal with...

 

I think the only way to stop feeling so upset with her is to start feeling okay about the way that you used to be. Easier said than done, I know.

 

You asked how do we deal with irrational emotions. I normally just look at the person who is bugging me and figure out a way to deal with them. Also, lots of self-analysis to figure out why I'm reacting the way that I am.

 

For the record, though, I don't think your feelings are irrational at all. You're figuring out how to be your own person and that's hard to do when someone else is mimicking you.

[todreaminblue]

My room-mate and friend copies everything I do, wear, eat, say, buy. I know this is because she looks up to me. I know my feelings about it are irrational. But I can't stop feeling annoyed... even REVOLTED when she does it. There are several reasons for this.

 

I suspect that it gets to me because of some kind of self hatred thing going on... as in, "if she copies an idiot like me, she must be an even bigger idiot!"

 

I also suspect that it's because I am really put off when I recognise traits in other people that remind me of my self. Because a few years ago, I think I was similar to her in that I was in awe of one of my (now ex) best friends and emulated her.

 

The other thing is, is that I know I was less happy at that point in my life than I am now. I am more comfortable now, I trust myself to decide what I like and I don't need to copy anyone else. Mt friend is vulnerable at the moment for several reasons, and ever since I've known her I've always just wanted her to BE HERSELF. It puts me on edge that it's so obvious how little she believes in her own judgement. It's hard to be around someone with low self esteem. It's draining. And it's especially intense when we live together.

 

Oh, and it's just annoying to be copied. Like when she buys a t-shirt that I already own and pretends she didn't know I owned it too. But she did know. It just makes me uncomfortable. And there's the fourteen year old girl side of myself that hates the fact that she's wearing my t-shirt because it's MINE.

 

Whew. Ok. Anyway.

 

I want to be the bigger person about this. I want it not to annoy me, because that's the person I want to be, unruffled by such shallow things and compassionate enough to simply feel bad for her and support her without the annoyance. However, I am human, and I was wondering how you guys cope with irrational emotions? Also, how do you stop yourself from being brought down when trying to be there for others?

 

 

I wouldnt have a problem with it.If things are done with a smile on the face and looking up to someone and imitation then its all good.its the thoughts behind the actions.Its flattery and that aint a bad thing......especially from true friends....hugses....deb

[Cealabeala]

I wouldnt have a problem with it.If things are done with a smile on the face and looking up to someone and imitation then its all good.its the thoughts behind the actions.Its flattery and that aint a bad thing......especially from true friends....hugses....deb

 

Thanks Deb. At the start, I really didn't have a problem with it and felt flattered, because no-one had ever looked up to me in this way before. But it's escalated and lots of uncomfortable emotions have surfaced since then. I'm just not finding it easy anymore. It's a tricky one to explain.

[Cealabeala]

 

You asked how do we deal with irrational emotions. I normally just look at the person who is bugging me and figure out a way to deal with them. .

 

Thanks for answering! I'm trying this, just trying to feel compassionate and let the other feelings come and go.