lovemytsx Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Help needed!!! His ex is trying to get him back!!! I have been seeing this guy for about 2 weeks and we get along incredibly well. He went away for a week to a friends wedding and we talked for hours every day and talked about how much we missed eachother and couldn't wait to do things together when he got back. He got back and we spent some great days together. Then about 2 days ago things started to change and today I confronted him about it. It turns out his ex has been calling him wanting to get back together. They were together for 4 years, and she was the one who broke up with him. She is 8 years younger than him and when she broke up with him she said it was becuase she wanted to experience things young people should like univeristy, partying, etc.... Well now she is telling him (it's about a year later) that those things aren't important and she wants to be with him. She even lives in another city and has said she will move back to be with him. He has told me this and says he doesn't know what to do becuase he has had such a great time with me. I don't know if I should fight for him, or just let him make up his own mind. The problem is that I really like this guy and we just clicked right from the beginning and I can see us being so happy together, even though it has only been a few weeks. Any suggestions on what I should do or say to him?
EC Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 When it comes to matters like that you have to do the only thing you can do... And that is just tell him exactly how you feel. But give him space to figure things out. it was a 4 year relationship. And like the quote says "Let him go and if he comes back it was meant to be" It's better if he figures out now if he wants her back or not than finding out later and cheating on you and leaving you brokenhearted. Tell him how you feel and then give him space to figure out what he wants. If anything you guys just met two weeks ago I think you'll be fine if it doesnt work. Plenty of fish in the sea girl. Goodluck!
Debster Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 I was in a similar situation a number of years ago. If he 'doesn't know what to do', basically he does. He wants to be with her but doesn't know how to break it to you. If he knew he wanted to be with you, it wouldn't matter what she says.
Blah Toolz Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Sucks... because in most cases where the girl dumps the guy and then wants to get back together... he is only going to get tossed away again when she feels as if she's "not experiencing life," once more. Although, it is a year later in this case... so who knows if her intentions are true or not. I think you should bring it up... and say something like "Well, I wish you would stay with me... but if you feel that you are better off with her, and that she will not change her mind about how she feels about you again, then I don't want you staying with me confused."
Author lovemytsx Posted July 12, 2004 Author Posted July 12, 2004 Thanks for the help guys. I think I will do a combination of everything everyone suggested. I am going to tell him how I feel and how much I treasured the time we spent together but I do not want him to be with me out of guilt and the fact that he is "deciding" means that he has really made up his mind but doesn't want to hurt me. I am sure that this other girl will break up with him again, and I will try and say that in a delicate way as one of you suggested. I wish life wasn't so hard sometimes. I am really worried that he was "the one" just becuase of how much I am hurting right now.
simplybrill Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Let him go...and if you guys are supposed to be together he will come back, groveling at which point you can show him the door or give him a swift kick where the sun dont shine...because Ive been in your shoes, and the ex NEVER gives up, and if you're lucky she wont stalk you over him, the psycho. He deserves a kick for putting you in the middle of this mess and his 'period of indecision" while he trys to eat his cake and have it too.
Author lovemytsx Posted July 12, 2004 Author Posted July 12, 2004 SimplyBrill Everything you are saying makes sense, but it is still so hard. I mean this guy is just increadible. If I wrote down on a piece of paper everything I wanted in a guy, he would meet every one. While he was away for a week, we were talking on the phone for 4 or 5 hours per day and there was nothing we didn't agree on. We even had the same favorite baseball player (Roberto Alomar, which is rare), the same favorite hockey team (Edmonton Oilers), and so many other things. We talked about going camping, where we wanted our honeymoon to be, what type of wedding we wanted, what we wanted our kids names to be, etc... etc... I really though, and still do feel like he may be the one. I guess I can only hope that he gets abck with his ex and then he realizes he is happier with me and comes back.
EC Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 whoa whoa whoa you said youve been seeing him for 2 weeks and already you planned a wedding, honeymoon, and babynames?!!!? Maybe you scared him away back to his ex?
Author lovemytsx Posted July 12, 2004 Author Posted July 12, 2004 No, we weren't planning it for us, we were just talking in general. The odd thing is that he was the one who brought it all up. When we were talking he kept saying he was scared to tell me things becuase he didn't want to scare me off, but I told him he couldn't do that, so that is when we started talking about that stuff. He even said he thought the best New Years present would be me moving in with him, but that he didn't know if he could wait that long. I should mention that I have known him for a few months becuase we play baseball together, and I know his dad quite well too, but we only really hit it off a couple weeks ago and becuase "a couple". our 2 weeks together though were just so magical. I broke up wuth my financee about 4months ago after being with him for 3.5 years, and my relationship with this new guy was so much better in just the 2 weeks we shared. Like I said, we had everything in common and wanted to spend every minute together and do so much together.
EC Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 I see now. It makes sense. Maybe its not the right time for him but the right time for you..u know? But again my advise is let him go. Ig he comes back then never let him go again. But ler him see where he wants to be. But don't put your life on hold for him either cuz if he decides to go the other way, then your f***ed!
CurlyIam Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 I say fight for him! Look at your best, be really opened, just focuss on the two of you! Sure, 4 years were a lot, but in my own oppinion, once a break up, always a break up! She had her chance and she blew it! Wanted to meet guys her age? Well she's having them now! I'm not saying to play the evil lady here trying to manipulate him into staying with you, I am saying: make him realise that also you do not share a past together, your future together looks damn promising! Tell him he's an amazing guy, that you've found so much in him you were looking for, but you are not that bad yourself! Talk a lot about the two of you, about how you do not want to ever hurt him (as opposed to her leaving him) and that you do have the maturity to take the responsability of your own actions! That you did put a lot of hope and faith in the dreams the two of you had together, but you don't want to ruin his chance of being happy! And if wearing a sexy dress once in while helps, I don't see why you wouldn't (but under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you sleep with him. That will blow your selfesteem and will always make you wonder). Just ... enjoy being a woman and enjoy being near him! Even if it's only for a while! Then let him choose! Good luck, Curly
simplybrill Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 DONT FIGHT FOR HIM dont be that girl ok---just do what I (and other people) have said here, and let him come to YOU. IF HE'S WORTH IT. he will come back. I cant stand it when women fight over a man who isnt worth it anyways.
CurlyIam Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 How do you know if he's worth it if you don't fight for him? When he leaves? When he returns? Good men,good people are hard to find. Letting go too easily makes it our fault for loosing them! We all have a chance to be happy and sometimes we do actually have to work for it!
Author lovemytsx Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 ok, so here is a quick update!!! i confronted him with how i felt and told him i did want a relationship, but i was not going to wait for him. i told him i have had a great time together and regardless i want us to be friends. he agreed, and it has only been a couple days since. but since them we have spent a bit of time together yesterday, and then a few hours together today out at a party and then on his boat. i am finding it hard though to not want to touch him and kiss him, etc... i still care for him so much and i want to be with him. one of my friends said that as much as i want to see him even as friends, i need to make nyself less available so that he misses me. she saud that if i am seeing him all the time, even just as friends, then he will never know what he is missing. as for his ex, i don't think it is going to work anyway. she is 22, he is 30. she has really only said she wants to gt back together and she is willing to move to be with him, but they have not really discussed anything past that. she came and visited him about a month ago (because they have always remained freinds), and i think that she came out, saw he had bought a house, has a car, a boat, etc... has a great job, is settled, etc... and now feels she can just latch onto that. however he said that if she moved out here he would not let her move in with him, she would have to get a place of her own to start. i didn't say anything to him, but i bet that is not what she is expecting and as soon as he says that she may change her tune. on a side note, i spoke with his best friend today and he says that this guy has always been in love with his ex since they broke up and he was surprised that he got into a relationship with me becuase he didn't think he was ready. so i don't know if that is a good or bad thing. maybe he didn't want a relationship but becuase we got along so well he changed his mind, or he got into one too quickly with me and regretted it and still loves his ex. anyway, that's it for now!
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