ImASadPanda Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 We don't live together, so that's not the problem. But I feel trapped in this apartment, and anxious to leave, but anxious being in it as well. Every room and hallway is tainted with harsh memories of screaming fights, I can remember what was said, what each of us was wearing, the pushing involved in him trying to get me out of the way so he could walk out and the pushing I did to try to make him stay and TALK things out instead of always walking out on me. Any piece of clothing I bought for something specific with him, an event, meeting family, his little brother's graduation ... the dress I was in the night he broke up with me and I collapsed to the floor in tears. Out my living room windows is the airport ... the one he leaves from every Monday at 5:55am and come into every Thursday at 7:18pm ... that I use to drive him to and pick him up from 95% of the time ... Out my living room window is a daily reminder of a huge cause of why we broke up ... that f*cking airport and that f-ing travel ... even if I was ok with the travel, I am in my house daily, seeing flights come and go, and constantly reminded of him. Outside my front door and two blocks down, the way I drive whenever I go to the barn, or to Target ... are the brand new houses being built, that we went to see the models of ... where he told me he "felt like this is going to be our home." I have a lease that ends in November ... but I feel like I am surrounded by painful things here. I've never had to leave a place, an apartment or anything during prior breakups ... there was never really even this kind of negativity involved, never fought so much, so hard, never so many tears shed by both people, or voices screaming out of rage and pain. Will these feelings and the memories in this place go away over the coming weeks and it will feel like my home again, or is it going to feel like a prison, trapping me in the memories of a relationship lost?
nevadagirl Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 If you have the financial means to break your lease then I day do it. The first time my ex and I broke up I was trapped in a very large and suddenly empty townhouse and I literally could not spend time there it was so overwhelming. Those walls trapped all the love and hate and I was suffocating. Or so it seemed to me.
Zammo25 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Start a new life and be happy. One day you will cringe at your threads in the future and think " WTF was I thinking ? " I cringe at some of the sh*t I posted 2 years ago on here when I was heartbroken. 2
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