Geneva Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 This is a bit long, sorry for the length. I really would appreciate some insight, though. I am unsure of what to do with a guy I like, Neil. To give a bit of backstory, we met two years ago and I have really liked him since then. I never pursued him because he is very popular, charismatic and a bit of a player (something I would always call him out on, especially while he was doing it. It made him laugh). Sometimes we’d get together and be really touchy-feely, but I figured that was just his player side. About a month ago he confessed to me that he really needs to stop “catting around” but didn’t say why. About two weeks ago we hung out, I was really drunk and confessed everything to him: how much I like him and how I’ve always liked him, how even though I was playfully giving him **** for being with other girls it really did make me sad to see, how I didn’t think I was cool or good enough to be with him, etc. He told me that he’d always liked me as well, but thought I just wanted to be friends and I was always dating other people, so he didn’t think I was into him. So, we’ve been talking and spending a lot of time together. He often messages me first, tells me random things about his day; he’s not too talkative via messages, but in person he is very talkative. We plan get-togethers, when we do see each other it is quite nice. This past weekend his best friend since childhood came up to spend the weekend. When we met she kept staring at me in a weird, knowing way (I’m not worried about her, she’s extremely obese and very demanding and I know he isn’t into that). When we were alone she kept stressing that they were just friends, to which I didn’t care, I’m not really a jealous type. We all hung out on Thursday and it was a good time. Friday he was busy, as was I, so we just texted off and on. Saturday is the problem. We went out to see his band play, his best friend kept me by her side all night and was very inclusive of me. Everything was fine after the set. He was being his usual, flirty, social self but would always look over at me and smile. Like I said, this didn’t bother me, since I know he is a natural flirt and has to smooze with the crowd. What DID bother is the conversation I overheard with his best friend and a girl he knows. She said “I finally told Jenni that I don’t care what she does with Neil. I dated him a year ago and I am over him. She can have him all she wants.” After I heard this I decided to leave, and Neil found me and said he’d walk me out. I told him no. I walked away, then walked back and said I needed to talk to him before I left, so he walked out with me. When we came outside he asked what was wrong but I wouldn’t say, I kept walking away from him, so he boxed me in against the wall with his arms/body. I blurted out “I don’t want to be one of your many girls.” He was quite, stared at me for a while and then asked what did I mean. I told him I knew about Jenny. He then said “Up until two weeks ago I had no idea you cared for me. I thought you were just my friend. Jenni was a comfort; she was there, I saw her all the time since we work together. You are on, and have always been on, a completely different plane than these other girls. If you had told me how you felt sooner things would be different.” We talked a little bit more, I told him I was scared I was going to lose him, or he would become a stranger to me, to which he said it would never happen, our history is too long. Then he very seriously said “I have been thinking about making you my girlfriend. I’ve been juggling the thought of it.” I asked him what was stopping him and he said “I need time to stop catting down other alleyways. I can’t just suddenly stop, you know? We need to go slow, don’t put any expectations on us. Lets just go slow.” I asked him why he said he needed to stop catting around and he said because it is lonely and he wants something real and long-term. I then sort of got teary eyed and told him to not tell me the things he thinks I want to hear. I told him to not act like my ex, and if he had no intention of what he said then he should man up and say it. He became a little upset at this and said “I am not Jason. At all. Do not ever compare me to another man. I am Neil. I do not want to hurt you, I never want to upset you and I will not take advantage of you. Just give me time.” After that we kissed for a while, made plans to hang out later in the week, then he said “I am going back inside. You understand I am going to dance with other girls, I am going to flirt with them, and be a drunken fool, right?” I told him of course, that is who he is and part of what I adore about him. I went home. He messaged me as soon as he got home a couple of hours later to tell me he made it home. Then he messaged me a few hours later after that to say he was thinking about me. I ignored his messages most of the day, then he messaged me again. We chatted briefly Sunday night, he hinted that he was free all evening but I didn’t bite. Monday morning he messaged me after falling asleep during our convo, but I didn’t message him back. He keeps liking my status updates, though. So, what do you think? Tl;dr: Can a flirt actually have feelings for one girl?
Author Geneva Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Should I still chat with him or hang out? I have no plans to do anything sexual until I am sure he is only sticking around with me. I mean, part of me feels like I am being unrealistic. Up until two weeks ago he thought we were just friends, so it is understandable he had another girl around to occupy his time. Not to mention he told me a month ago, well before any of my drunken confession, that he really wants and needs to stop catting around.
proseandpassion Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 So I am confused. Is Jenny his best friend, or the other girl? Honestly this guy sounds like a player. The "If I'd known how you felt earlier" thing is a way to turn it around on you. Next he'll offer his body as some kinda consolation prize. And you'll just be another one in his stable of girls.
Author Geneva Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Gah, I should have been more clear. Maggie was the best friend, Jenny is a girl he works with. We've spent the night together a few times and nothing has happened. He hasn't been pushy or anything, so I would think if he was offering up his body he would have done so already, especially when I was absolutely wasted drunk that one night when I told him everything.
Author Geneva Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Also, something else I forgot to add. Before all of this happened on Saturday he told me (in front of his best friend and a bunch of other friends we were hanging out with) that he wanted to take me to the town he grew up in, and meet his dad. He's actually said it to me a few times when he thought we were friends, but he brought it up again on Thursday.
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