Moth Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 It has been a year since my ex-gf broke up with me. We were together for over 10 years since college. Always knew we were going to get married, we talked about it all the time. We were just getting our lives together and working hard to save money so that we had a good future together and saved enough for a house, wedding and of course the engagement ring. She was the most important person in my life and I worked hard to keep the relationship working. *We were inseparable, almost like a movie. I was happy. Like everyone we had our ups and downs. We worked in the same field, which is business. She had one specific issue and that was that she liked to flirt a lot. She didn't have many gf's but always found a new guy friend. The thing was, this never bothered me because I was comfortable with our relationship and trusted her and would not get jealous. I just trusted her. One day out of no where she broke up with me. Coming up with reasons and reasons that made no sense, till all she could say is that you need more than just "LOVE" to make things work. Sometimes things don't work out. *I was in shock. Just the last week we were discussing wedding venues. *I came on loveshack.org and instantly saw a thread for GIGS. I was convinced this had to be it. I wanted her back so I asked her if there was anyone else, specifically her boss. She spent a lot of time with him traveling for work, texting, sometimes dinners work related...umm yea...or so she said. He was married and had a newborn on the way any day now. She would talk about how him and his wife are going through problems and that she is glad that we aren't like that, before she broke up with me. Fast-forward one year of NC, I am happier. The whole situation still bothers me. I wonder how she is doing because I had this feeling for 2 months that something bad happened to her, so I find her online to chat. *She tells me that she is living with her boss now, taking care of his newborn daughter. *He divorced his wife the same month she broke up with me. I couldn't believe it. I was so mad. I shouldn't have talked to her again, my mistake. At least I knew I was right. She put me down so much when she broke up with me. That was so wrong. I believed her that I was a bad person. Everyone told me otherwise but for someone you love and trust, how could you not believe them. But in the end it wasn't GIGS, it was two selfish people. A man that didn't care about his wife and newborn daughter and a woman that used to be the love of my life who turned into a homewrecker. I am so glad I found this site. It helped me through a lot. I'm not angry right now or bitter. I guess part of me is relieved that I didn't end up with her. *I have a great girlfriend now and I am happy. There is light at the end of the tunnel. If you are thinking of breaking up with someone, just tell them the truth. It will spare them a lot of heartache. Don't create something and hurt them just so you can justify to yourself or your friends why you made the decision. People don't deserve that. If you know that you have to do things like that to make yourself feel better for your decisions because you know you are covering up the ugly truth, then you are truly an irresponsible human being. My breakup was the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I know that you all understand the pain. I am not fully over what happened. I am over her for the most part, but the pain and putting that trust back into someone and the unconditional love is hard to give again. I will get there, but I wish someone didn't take it away from me in the first place. *Thanks for reading.
dannykeyz831 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 It's amazing how someone who you thought you knew and loved for so many years, turns out to be this completely different person. 10 years is a very very long time to just walk away from something like that but I'm glad that you have a new girlfriend and doing better. Be glad you didn't marry and have kids with her because then you would have had to deal with her sorry ass regularly. See it as a blessing. 1
edelveis Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 dude your story really really killed me to read it..u must have been through a lot of pain..its very sad how someone that you really loved and trust,spent so many years with and made dreams together left you for another man. I am really glad that you made it and you are with someone else ready to live and love again..People like you give courage to the world.. And trust me,maybe even if it does not matter anymore,one day she will be crawling back to you and you must be prepared for this.Thats how a story like yours is going to end. 1
blue_jay_bird Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 If you are thinking of breaking up with someone, just tell them the truth. It will spare them a lot of heartache. Don't create something and hurt them just so you can justify to yourself or your friends why you made the decision. People don't deserve that. If you know that you have to do things like that to make yourself feel better for your decisions because you know you are covering up the ugly truth, then you are truly an irresponsible human being. I came from a long-term crash of a relationship as well. It's nice to see someone hopeful after a year of healing. 7 year's together...it was a complete shock to me. I was put down alot when my ex dumped me. "I don't want to marry you because of who you are. You not strong, your depended, your insecure, you have no confidence." It hurt cause i feel like ...well he's right. To a degree. But i feel like he was being to critical. I'm just so confused, what is the ugly truth. 1
dannykeyz831 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 dude your story really really killed me to read it..u must have been through a lot of pain..its very sad how someone that you really loved and trust,spent so many years with and made dreams together left you for another man. I am really glad that you made it and you are with someone else ready to live and love again..People like you give courage to the world.. And trust me,maybe even if it does not matter anymore,one day she will be crawling back to you and you must be prepared for this.Thats how a story like yours is going to end. Better believe it!! If she has anything that resembles a heart, this will most likely happen. 1
Biscous Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Be thankful you aren't with that whore of a homewrecker. 1
Dblock10 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 omg dude. i can't even begin to think what that would feel like. just makes me think you can't trust anyone... and i don't. everyone is out for themselves and do what they want to regardless of other people 1
YorickBrown Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Moth, man, I'm really sorry for your "failed" relationship...10 years, w:eek:w. And, the way it ended...I can't even begin to imagine what it took for you to accept and cope with the break up... and one year later (I mean, obviously and quite understandably, you're still broken up by it somewhat). Thank you for having the courage to share it with us here. Good luck on your current relationship. We all deserve second chances. PS: Oh, if you have the time, maybe you can also shed some light on this topic 1
Samilia Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 It has been a year since my ex-gf broke up with me. We were together for over 10 years since college. Always knew we were going to get married, we talked about it all the time. We were just getting our lives together and working hard to save money so that we had a good future together and saved enough for a house, wedding and of course the engagement ring. She was the most important person in my life and I worked hard to keep the relationship working. *We were inseparable, almost like a movie. I was happy. Like everyone we had our ups and downs. We worked in the same field, which is business. She had one specific issue and that was that she liked to flirt a lot. She didn't have many gf's but always found a new guy friend. The thing was, this never bothered me because I was comfortable with our relationship and trusted her and would not get jealous. I just trusted her. One day out of no where she broke up with me. Coming up with reasons and reasons that made no sense, till all she could say is that you need more than just "LOVE" to make things work. Sometimes things don't work out. *I was in shock. Just the last week we were discussing wedding venues. *I came on loveshack.org and instantly saw a thread for GIGS. I was convinced this had to be it. I wanted her back so I asked her if there was anyone else, specifically her boss. She spent a lot of time with him traveling for work, texting, sometimes dinners work related...umm yea...or so she said. He was married and had a newborn on the way any day now. She would talk about how him and his wife are going through problems and that she is glad that we aren't like that, before she broke up with me. Fast-forward one year of NC, I am happier. The whole situation still bothers me. I wonder how she is doing because I had this feeling for 2 months that something bad happened to her, so I find her online to chat. *She tells me that she is living with her boss now, taking care of his newborn daughter. *He divorced his wife the same month she broke up with me. I couldn't believe it. I was so mad. I shouldn't have talked to her again, my mistake. At least I knew I was right. She put me down so much when she broke up with me. That was so wrong. I believed her that I was a bad person. Everyone told me otherwise but for someone you love and trust, how could you not believe them. But in the end it wasn't GIGS, it was two selfish people. A man that didn't care about his wife and newborn daughter and a woman that used to be the love of my life who turned into a homewrecker. I am so glad I found this site. It helped me through a lot. I'm not angry right now or bitter. I guess part of me is relieved that I didn't end up with her. *I have a great girlfriend now and I am happy. There is light at the end of the tunnel. If you are thinking of breaking up with someone, just tell them the truth. It will spare them a lot of heartache. Don't create something and hurt them just so you can justify to yourself or your friends why you made the decision. People don't deserve that. If you know that you have to do things like that to make yourself feel better for your decisions because you know you are covering up the ugly truth, then you are truly an irresponsible human being. My breakup was the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I know that you all understand the pain. I am not fully over what happened. I am over her for the most part, but the pain and putting that trust back into someone and the unconditional love is hard to give again. I will get there, but I wish someone didn't take it away from me in the first place. *Thanks for reading. One thing I don't believe in is "he's just a friend' ("she's just a friend" works the same). I have girlfriends, I don't have any close guy friends, acquaintances at best, or family members. The whole "I like to flirt but no worries at the end of the day I am coming home with you" is a plate full of bull**** that no one should have to put up with. And when there's smoke, there's fire, that's what flirting is in my book. It's too bad that you contacted her to find out she was living with him; however, at least you now know your gut feeling was right and you weren't "worrying for nothing" or "crazy", words that I'm sure you have heard out of her mouth. You know a lot of people will ask you to "trust them" and will make you believe that you're crazy or a drama queen for questioning their actions; you will hear "don't you trust me?".. well no, when you flirt with another girl, I don't trust you. So don't beat yourself up, she most likely broke up a marriage, her boss isn't better, and I feel bad for this little girl. Get yourself someone better, that will not be a "flirt", and that you will be able to trust, for real. 2
biogirl05 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) Thank you for sharing your story. I can't imagine what it would feel like to have someone leave after 10 years. Hope all goes well with your new gf. Samilia you are so right! That whole 'it's just flirting' thing is idiotic! "well no, when you flirt with another girl, I don't trust you." Right on! Edited August 1, 2012 by biogirl05 1
sage1320 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Wow, I am really sorry it ended like that..but you know what, I know she will regret not marrying you...This other man couldn't keep it together with his wife and you think he is going to keep it together with her?? the history is there!! Thanks for posting this.. I actually am going through the same situation..I was with my ex for 11 years...We met in High School back when I was 15 and she was 14, Now I am 25, it's been a month since we last talked..It's a long story but she broke the engagement twice..-sigh- twice broke my heart..yet, I still love her, the reason why she left me was for our differences..I just hope it wasn't for another guy..which so far I haven't found out yet.. *I have a great girlfriend now and I am happy. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Glad to hear that, gives me hope!! 1
Sugarkane Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 She must be in like the 1% [?]where the married guy actually leaves for the OW. She sounds like an idiot. What does she think he'll do to her now that they're exclusive? I would never be able to trust him that's for sure. 1
fificremefarben Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 It has been a year since my ex-gf broke up with me. We were together for over 10 years since college. Always knew we were going to get married, we talked about it all the time. We were just getting our lives together and working hard to save money so that we had a good future together and saved enough for a house, wedding and of course the engagement ring. She was the most important person in my life and I worked hard to keep the relationship working. *We were inseparable, almost like a movie. I was happy. Like everyone we had our ups and downs. We worked in the same field, which is business. She had one specific issue and that was that she liked to flirt a lot. She didn't have many gf's but always found a new guy friend. The thing was, this never bothered me because I was comfortable with our relationship and trusted her and would not get jealous. I just trusted her. One day out of no where she broke up with me. Coming up with reasons and reasons that made no sense, till all she could say is that you need more than just "LOVE" to make things work. Sometimes things don't work out. *I was in shock. Just the last week we were discussing wedding venues. *I came on loveshack.org and instantly saw a thread for GIGS. I was convinced this had to be it. I wanted her back so I asked her if there was anyone else, specifically her boss. She spent a lot of time with him traveling for work, texting, sometimes dinners work related...umm yea...or so she said. He was married and had a newborn on the way any day now. She would talk about how him and his wife are going through problems and that she is glad that we aren't like that, before she broke up with me. Fast-forward one year of NC, I am happier. The whole situation still bothers me. I wonder how she is doing because I had this feeling for 2 months that something bad happened to her, so I find her online to chat. *She tells me that she is living with her boss now, taking care of his newborn daughter. *He divorced his wife the same month she broke up with me. I couldn't believe it. I was so mad. I shouldn't have talked to her again, my mistake. At least I knew I was right. She put me down so much when she broke up with me. That was so wrong. I believed her that I was a bad person. Everyone told me otherwise but for someone you love and trust, how could you not believe them. But in the end it wasn't GIGS, it was two selfish people. A man that didn't care about his wife and newborn daughter and a woman that used to be the love of my life who turned into a homewrecker. I am so glad I found this site. It helped me through a lot. I'm not angry right now or bitter. I guess part of me is relieved that I didn't end up with her. *I have a great girlfriend now and I am happy. There is light at the end of the tunnel. If you are thinking of breaking up with someone, just tell them the truth. It will spare them a lot of heartache. Don't create something and hurt them just so you can justify to yourself or your friends why you made the decision. People don't deserve that. If you know that you have to do things like that to make yourself feel better for your decisions because you know you are covering up the ugly truth, then you are truly an irresponsible human being. My breakup was the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I know that you all understand the pain. I am not fully over what happened. I am over her for the most part, but the pain and putting that trust back into someone and the unconditional love is hard to give again. I will get there, but I wish someone didn't take it away from me in the first place. *Thanks for reading. Great post, it was a joy to read . I'm at the one-year mark as well of absolute NC (cheated/lied/left me for one of his clients) after a 4-year relationship. It was really nice for me to see that you admit that, although you're past the girl, what actually happened at the end still bothers you somewhat. I'm the same here. I'm past the guy as far as I can be and I have no desire to be with him again (NC works an absolute treat!) but the pain of what he did and how he did it still hurts my heart pretty bad (it's more of a dull ache now, but it's still very much there). Also, the fact that he never apologised for any of it, refused to meet me to let me talk it out and just cut me out of his life makes it worse, I think as far as moving on from the pain of the actions go. I wonder when we will completely heal from this? I really like this phrase from your post "Coming up with reasons and reasons that made no sense". This is exactly what happened to me. He gave me lots of reasons, none of which really seemed like deal-breakers for breaking up a long-term relationship. Unsatisfied with his answers, I asked him the questions that I felt it was more likely to be, such as "Just tell me, are you just not in love with me anymore?" or "is there anyone else?". He responded no to all of these questions, and even got mad at me for asking them. Turns out the answer to both of them obviously was just "No, i don't love you anymore and, yes, there is someone else" (the latter of which he told me in a text msg 1 month after the breakup). The lying here is so ****ty. You would think that after being together for so long, both of our parters would've had enough respect for us to just be straight with all, instead of all of the lying and cowardice. I do agree with you that, despite what i've just said about the pain of what he did still haunting me, overall, i'm a happier person now. I've never felt so good about and confident in myself and in what i'm doing with my life. This is a definite advantage to a bad breakup. It's like it takes being kicked in the teeth for you to really rise up stronger than before. It's good to see that you've met someone else already. It'll be really good for you, I think. I'm still not there yet. The thought of being in a relationship again and potentially being hurt all over again is still scary enough to put me off. I've had the odd fling over the past year, which also helps with the healing process, but I can't manage anything more. It'll happen in time, though. Anyway, I've rambled on enough. Really good to read your post since we're around the same amount of time post-BU. It's good that you're doing so well and, now that you see the reality of what she's become (a homewrecker, essentially ), you know you're in the better position and it'll just get better and better because you know that you don't need her 1
Author Moth Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 It is so nice to read everyone's replies that have posted on my original message. You all don't know how much that means to me. I wanted to let everyone know that although it says that I joined Loveshack on October 2011, I actually had been on this site the weekend of my breakup. I found this site while searching for a way online, for how to get my gf back. As I am sure many people have done. The breakup happened July 2011. I would read threads every single free moment I had and felt part of this community. I was looking for answers and what I really found were some amazing people with some amazing advice. For the most part I never posted on this site, but read everyone's break-up stories and gained perspectives along the way. When I finally did have the courage to post it took me about 4 months. I feel for those individuals that have just broken up and have not shared their story. I think everyone, when they are ready should talk about their experiences and I feel that it helped me move forward. Sometimes it was easier to post a message here and talk to the loveshack community than it was to talk to friends or family. Just wanted to send this message thanking everyone for the comments. Also for those that are on this site looking for answers and read it everyday/free moment you have, I was in your shoes. I know how it feels. You will be okay. Keep remembering how good of a person you are. You found this site, that should mean something. You tried to make it work, looked for answers, looked for a way to make yourself better.....and sometime in the future...maybe one year later....you will realize something you already knew.....you are a better person and are only going to become better. Because you cared.
Car10e Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 I know what you mean about trusting the one you love. You don't expect them to cause any pain on you, but when they do something you don't expect them to do it is so hard to get through. I am kind of going through something similar. My bf of 4 1/2 years ended it and said he didn't want any relationship at the time. I told myself I'd just give it some time and give him his space. A couple weeks later I found out he was talking to someone the weeks leading up to our breakup. Because I thought I knew him better then everyone else, I denied the fact that everyone would ask, "maybe there is someone else?" It's not a good feeling at all.
Recommended Posts