My gf has accused me of cheating and left.

[Spetsnaz]

i've been with my girlfriend for 2 years, but we have had our problems, just general arguments etc. which is certainly part of why she left, however.

 

recently someone had said to her friend that i was a cheat. he denies saying that now, saying he was very drunk and doesnt remember, but i dont think my girlfriend would make it up. so she confronted me about it when she was drunk. which upset me alot, because im defintely not a cheat.

 

anyway after that she left for a few days, but we talked and she came back, and everything was fine that day. i was doing the early shift with our baby and so id said i would have an early night, so id get up refreshed and she could stay in bed in the morning, and suggested if she wanted to out she could.

 

which she did, and was actually really flirty and nice with me whilst getting ready, not at all like i expected on the day she returned. so i was pleasantly surprised.

 

anyway she went out, and around 3am she came back, started having a go at me, because when she was out she had seen someone from my past, before we met. not even a relaionship, just a 1 night stand, but as a twist of fate this person is her sister-in-laws sister, so a tad too close to home.

 

anyway, some dirty looks and this girl getting off with a mate of mine, obviously brought up some bad feelings, which i do understand.

 

and she overheard that this girl had been out on friday, when i was out and put 2 & 2 together, come up with 7 and assumed i'd been with her. which i really wasn't and there's plenty of people to testify to that, including mutual friends etc.

 

but that was enough to set her off, and she left again, accusing me of seeing girls when i was out without her. which i have never, and will never do. I love my girlfriend to pieces and only want to continue my life with her, perhaps that's not the way things work these days, but its the way it works for me.

 

now i've told her categorically i've never cheated, but i cant prove anything, because i dont have a video of my entire life.

 

but there were some inconsistencies with her story, i have asked her quite a few times, what happened that night, and she ignored the question, and still now wont tell me what happened. and i'm starting to doubt myself placing so much trust in her. it feels absolutely horrible to think like this, but i start to think that perhaps she has infact cheated, after seeing what she saw, putting the maths together wrong, and being very drunk. i know she is good friends with an ex of hers, from when they were teenagers, and i've never had reason to think there was anything ever going on. but i know he met up her her and some of their friends that night.

 

did anger and hurt get the better of her? she really wont tell me anything more about that night. but i dont want to accuse her of anything, not for fear of finding out, if she cheated i want to know. but more for throwing that accusation out, i felt awful when she said it to me, and i'm not playing tit for tat where the mothe rof my children is concerned.

 

so my quetsion is 2 fold, anyone else ever have to genuinely defend themselves from unfounded accusations, and also anyone ever had a similar suspision, how did you broch it?

 

cheers,

[Chi townD]

So....a "friend" told her that you were a cheat and then later HE denied it?

Uh huh...yeah. Anyone else see a problem with this?

[Spetsnaz]

not quite with you?

 

what are you saying? i really dont get it, sorry.

[Chi townD]

What I'm saying is that this friend might not be any friend of yours or your marriage. That he might have other motives in saying what he said.

[Spetsnaz]

oh i agree completely, thats why friend was in ' ', dont know his motives, but certainly causing me grief was one of them. him trying it on with her, would definitely cause him grief he wouldnt want though, and i do mean very very specifically - he would be found facedown in a ditch.

[weallfalldown]

go confront him then....but the bottom line is, it aint him it's your partner that's to blame if she has......

[Spetsnaz]

like i said hes already said hes sorry, he doesnt remember he was very drunk. no more to say.

 

but thats the problem. i dont know if she has, i dont think she has, my gut says no (not my heart) but my head says its possible.

[Chi townD]

Hmmm...the more I think about it, the more I come up with three conclusions.

 

1. She is just REALLY insecure and she was probably burned really bad in past relationships.

 

2. She guilty of something or giving herself permission to do something. She might have been screwing around on you and accusing you of cheating to ease her own guilt. Hoping that you would admit to something so she wouldn't feel so guilty.

 

3. She wants to start something with someone and she using the excuse that you cheated to go along with what she had planned. That's maybe why she doesn't investigate on such filmsy evidence. Sorta, " Well, I can do this because he did it to me first! So what's good for the goose...."

 

I would reccommend looking up and making an appointment for a polygraph. Call her over and give her the appointment card. Tell her that you're willing to take a poloygraph to prove to her that you never cheated on her. If she agree's Then say, "Great! My appointment is at 10AM and your's is at 10:30"

 

Gage her reaction. If she asks why she's taking one. Just say that your willing to prove to her that you are being totally honest with her, so she's going to prove that she's being totally honest with you.

 

If she refuses, or trys to back out.....Well, I wonder who's hiding something.

[Spetsnaz]

not a bad idea at all that.

 

personally, and yes it is baised an obviously i want to think she hasnt cheated, i dont think she has.

 

or i should say i dont think she has got anyone lined up, so to speak.

 

3 kids, no house, no money, living with her parents, not exactly going to have a line of guys looking to get involved (though i did, so you never know)

 

has she done something stupid, possible

 

is she insecure - defintely! 100%, totally insecure.

 

so in my opinion it is a combination of number 1 and possibly number 2, i cant shake the feeling that saturday night she was hurt, thought she had the facts, and did something silly.

 

and i know to trust my gut, i've predicted relationships that start through cheating before.

 

dont get me wrong, cheating is cheating, and i dont care if its a kis or a 6 month affair, its not the done thing. if you say you love someone, you dont cheat.

 

my main basis for this is, she left saying she loved me, and trust me when i say, the problems we've had with 3 young kids, including a new baby over the last 6 months, i can tell when she's pissed off and when she's not. and if she had someone lined up, we've had enough fallings out for her to leave if she wanted to.

 

however, the thoughts of me cheating, or perhaps a combination of that, our problems, financial, stress, family life & seeing someone from my past. + drink, lots of drink all combined with seeing someone from her past, and wanting to 'hurt' me, or just whatever. i can definitely see that something might've happened.

 

and in 2 years i've never ever thought of her cheating

 

as cliched as it is, because no-one sees it coming, im quite intune with people, the way the act, the little mistakes they make.

 

just as an example, one night a friend of mine used the excuse he was staying at mine when asked by someone else, i knew he hadn't, i immediately knew where he had been, what had happened etc. 2 months later he's in a relationship with a girl (she had had a boyfriend at the time).

 

she's never made those mistakes, never hidden her phone, never had late texts, anything like that at all, so thats why i dont think it's a long term affair.

 

like i said not that it matters, but i'm quite logical with things, and its good to get it down on 'paper' to keep a clear head.

[Canadian731]

I don't want to be the bearer of bad news buddy, but I was in a somewhat similar situation and she definatly did cheat on me. She isn't the type of person to cheat but it happened, so don't count that out because from what I have read and the responses it seems very possible that she could try to be justifying her cheating by gettin you to admit to doing something, or even be trying to end the relationship with her in the right so she can see another guy. Goodluck

[Spetsnaz]

ye, its a shame that i cant go NC because of the kids, would be very simple to cut her out otherwise.