kaylan Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Ok. This thread is inspired by this thread :http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/338458-women-say-they-want-guy-who-can-make-them-laugh You know what makes me laugh...the double sided advice given by both men and women on this forum. One week everyones agreeing how much physical attraction is important and plays into dating, and then the next week everyones saying how its not that important and how personality matters the most(of which humor is included). I will say that either can override the other though depending on how well the click is in either area. Can some of you folks (men and women) make up your minds and stay consistent instead of bouncing around the place when you want to win an argument? Look....LOOKS DO MATTER....how much they matter though depends on the partnership you are going for. For those with at least average sex drives or more (most of us), who seek long term companionship thats fulfilling in all facets...then Id say personality grabs a larger piece of the pie than looks. For those who want a short term partnership Id say looks grabs a larger slice of the pie than personality (lets say in both cases the bigger slice will get 60 to 65%) However, this can work a little differently too....sometimes people date those with personalities that dont match theirs so much because the other person is very attractive to them physically. And sometimes people date folks who arent their physical ideal, but their personality outweighs all of that. Which will last longer?....honestly it depends....even if the person isnt a direct match for you in one of the categories, its possible that two people have such a good overall dynamic, that it wont matter if one side isnt perfect. Moving on, I will tell you this. I very much agree with those who study human behavior; that we attribute positive attributes to those we deem more attractive...and not as often as the other way around. Hell its happened to me on two different fronts...hair and body. Ive always been a funny outgoing guy. Ive always been a fairly confident guy. However, at least until college, I had always felt like an average or sometimes even below average guy. But a few years back once I found the right style for me, and started growing my long dreads, boom...girls started paying more attention to me. I told the same jokes, had the same delivery as always...but now the laughs turned into flirtatious laughter. Id see a buddy of mine try to get away with the same kinds of over the top, lewd, suggestive jokes I did, but it just didnt fly well for him. Also, Ive always been a thin dude....but Ive always had a muscular build and have been toned. Ive basically always been that guy who seems skinny, but when his shirt is off I always get the "wow kaylan, you work out?" And this is from guys and girls. And Ive seen how once I started wearing fitted clothes to show my figure off, or if a girl caught me with my shirt off somehow, that on several occasions there were super receptive to me later one. All in all, Im just saying that I wish people would once and for all just acknowledge the fact that looks play a huge role in peoples treatment of you. I dont feel women are any less visual than men are. I can see I get more looks now that Ive been in gym for a little while getting in better shape. I understand everyone is not attracted to the same thing, however, science has proven there are certain physical attributes that will make a man or woman sexy....like having a particular shoulder to waste (in men) or hip to waist (in women) ratio for example. And not for nothing, I dont buy that women are picking Louis CK and Chris Rock over Denzel Washington and Channing Tatum all on the fact of the former being funny. Ive heard things from women before like "I dont like 6 packs" or "I like a regular looking guy". First off, god save us all if people in America are ok with looking like Louis CK and not actually take care of themselves better. Secondly, its been my experience that the males or females who say things like that cant really pull the more empirically attractive bunch. Im just being honest....hell, Ive heard girls say they prefer a guy who was nothing like me....and then be all over me at a later date. So all in all, Im watching what people do, and paying less mind to what they say. And based on what we all see, all of us know looks play a huge role in sexual selection. Its not the ultimate role, or the largest role, or the only role all the time....but it plays a role. 2
Revolver Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Looks aren’t everything but it’s 90% of the reason we talk to strangers. We’re all shallow people, let’s not front, and let’s save the “beauty is skin deep” **** for preschool kids
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I don't dare revisit that thread for fear of busting another gut laughing, but I don't recall ANYONE saying that looks don't matter. Looks do matter. They are like bait. They only take you so far. 1
MrCastle Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Of course looks matter. But it's relative. I've had girls who I'd consider 9's or 10's want to absolutely rip my clothes off. I've had girls who were 6's ignore my existence. Just because one hot girl turns you down doesn't mean another one will. Your attractiveness is relative to the individual. But yes, whoever it is you're after, they have to like what they see when they look at you. Looks get your foot in the door, personality keeps you inside. 1
ThaWholigan Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Looks do matter, but not to the extent that people think. Not in the way that people think too. Personally, I think that everyone can improve their looks if they are unhappy with it. I just don't like when people act like it's the only thing that matters and that everyone has a set look and only for the top 20% and all that sh*t. It's just people making excuses IMO - I hate excuses. It's one thing to accept it, it's another to bitch about it. 2
SmileFace Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 "everything matters, some things matter more to some" This is what I am hoping your essay said. 6
Author kaylan Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) Looks aren’t everything but it’s 90% of the reason we talk to strangers. We’re all shallow people, let’s not front, and let’s save the “beauty is skin deep” **** for preschool kids I agree with this. Not the 90% part, but that in some ways, we are all shallow. If that werent the case, then legit studies and information wouldnt exist showing how we all tend to treat attractive people better. Its really all sub conscious. I don't dare revisit that thread for fear of busting another gut laughing, but I don't recall ANYONE saying that looks don't matter. Looks do matter. They are like bait. They only take you so far. I think the problem was that bramahbull came off pretty combative in that thread and didnt put his point across as well. No, no one outright said looks dont matter, but people were trying to act as if making someone laugh (or being a charmer) had the same power as looking sexy. And now Im saying that people are more likely to perceive you as funny or a charmer if you are already sexy in their eyes to begin with. Im sure weve all seen one time, how a man or woman will not pay much mind to someone they arent attracted to...so that person gets little chance to show off their personality and its much more likely that the good looking person will be allowed to do so. But as you said, looks are bait...and because a persons perception of someones personality can be swayed by looks, Id say looks are a great bait.Of course looks matter. But it's relative. I've had girls who I'd consider 9's or 10's want to absolutely rip my clothes off. I've had girls who were 6's ignore my existence. Just because one hot girl turns you down doesn't mean another one will. Your attractiveness is relative to the individual. But yes, whoever it is you're after, they have to like what they see when they look at you. Looks get your foot in the door, personality keeps you inside. Attraction is subjective, but at the same time it isnt. There are some scientifically proven attributes that are empirically attractive. But as ThaWholigan is saying, I do believe people can better themselves and at least look decent with a little bit of work...and by work I dont mean plastic surgery. (yuck) Edited July 31, 2012 by kaylan
FitChick Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 We have more options now than at any other time in history to change our appearance. Just take advantage of them if you feel you are at a disadvantage because of your looks. Stop complaining! 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I've had girls who I'd consider 9's or 10's want to absolutely rip my clothes off. I've had girls who were 6's ignore my existence. Just because one hot girl turns you down doesn't mean another one will. Your attractiveness is relative to the individual. Very true. The guy I'm dating is gorgeous. Women flirt with him all the time. On a good day, I'm cute and sexy - but he's better-looking. (My bod is in better shape, though not by a lot.) At first, I wondered what he was doing with me, when he could get some little hottie no problem. Now I'm figuring out that he wants more than a pretty face - intelligence, character, morals, and all that good stuff. I might not be able to compete with some pretty girls on looks, but when you consider the whole package, I've got plenty of them beat. We've had our initial relationship talks lately, like him bringing up exclusivity, and last night I thanked him for being so responsive to me expressing some little things I want and need at this stage. He said, "I'm happy to do it. Making you happy makes me happy. Anytime something's on your mind, you can talk to me and I'll listen and respond." Again, I felt like I was dreaming. So I'm working on just relaxing and enjoying this awesome, gorgeous man 3
Star Gazer Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Looks, personality, intelligence... It ALL matters. If it didn't, no one would be without a mate. 2
ThaWholigan Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Everyone can improve their looks anyway. You want the golden ratio? Educate yourself on how to get it. You want 6 pack abs? Educate yourself. You want to improve your face? Sure, you can probably learn how to make the absolute best of what you've got and get your foot in the door. *inb4 short dudes wailing about their height, and then I have to tell the millionth story about my 5 foot 6 brother
brahmabull117 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Looks are the primary thing for women Personality is the primary thing for men It's always been that way. It's about a 60-40 split both ways. I would much much rather be an average guy with a great personality/confidence than a great looking guy with average confidence Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. Of course when talent works hard, it's indestructible but that's common sense 1
iris219 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 OP was way longer than it needed to be. Yes, attraction matters.
Author kaylan Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 ^Exactly. You can make up for shortness by having great charisma and style...and a nice looking face helps as well. Hell, this kid I went to college with whos half asian and half white had girls looooving him on campus. He was smooth as hell. And most people would think that being short and asian would be a death sentence...but homeboy knew just how to talk to women, and he had style too.
brahmabull117 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I don't dare revisit that thread for fear of busting another gut laughing, but I don't recall ANYONE saying that looks don't matter. Looks do matter. They are like bait. They only take you so far. Our perspectives in that thread really weren't that different. I actually agreed with what you were saying initially - that social savvy and social skills are the most important thing You don't need a brilliant sense of humor to have great social skills and be able to have a great time. Laughter comes naturally when you are having a good time In that regard, humor in the traditional sense of being able to tell great jokes and having comedic timing is overrated
brahmabull117 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 ^Exactly. You can make up for shortness by having great charisma and style...and a nice looking face helps as well. About the whole height and muscle mass thing, it primarily matters for women who are tall or work out themselves a 5'3 chick is generally not going to care that you're 5'5 if you have a personality Both things are massively overrated
Author kaylan Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) My last post was in response to ThaWholigan OP was way longer than it needed to be. Yes, attraction matters. No it wasnt longer than it needed to be. Im always thorough in my OP to prevent threads from going on for pages and pages when I can address anything people would ask in the OP. And Im not talking about just plain ole attraction. That can mean a lot of things. Im specifically talking about how big a deal physical attraction is to humans.About the whole height and muscle mass thing, it primarily matters for women who are tall or work out themselves a 5'3 chick is generally not going to care that you're 5'5 if you have a personality Both things are massively overrated Um yes...plenty of 5'3 girls want a guy whos at least average height. Hell Id say most want a guy whos at least 5'7 if they are 5'3. Its not overrated...its simple instinctual attraction. A guy whos at least average height and at least has some muscle will be perceived as more masculine. So while some girls might not mind a short guy...Im not gonna deny that many wouldnt touch a guy who wasnt at least average height. Edited July 31, 2012 by kaylan
iris219 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 My last post was in response to ThaWholigan No it wasnt longer than it needed to be. Im always thorough in my OP to prevent threads from going on for pages and pages when I can address anything people would ask in the OP. And Im not talking about just plain ole attraction. That can mean a lot of things. Im specifically talking about how big a deal physical attraction is to humans. Yes, overall attraction requires that physical attraction be a part of the equation.
Author kaylan Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Yes, overall attraction requires that physical attraction be a part of the equation. But this thread isnt specifically about overall attraction. Its more so about physical appeal playing a large role in human interaction. I even gave examples of myself getting better treatment once I found my style niche.
brahmabull117 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 My last post was in response to ThaWholigan No it wasnt longer than it needed to be. Im always thorough in my OP to prevent threads from going on for pages and pages when I can address anything people would ask in the OP. And Im not talking about just plain ole attraction. That can mean a lot of things. Im specifically talking about how big a deal physical attraction is to humans. Um yes...plenty of 5'3 girls want a guy whos at least average height. Hell Id say most want a guy whos at least 5'7 if they are 5'3. Its not overrated...its simple instinctual attraction. A guy whos at least average height and at least has some muscle will be perceived as more masculine. So while some girls might not mind a short guy...Im not gonna deny that many wouldnt touch a guy who wasnt at least average height. I don't agree with you. I know a good number of short guys and they have no problem dating women about their height or shorter. When women say they want a tall guy, they generally mean a guy as tall as them or taller. Height is definitely a good bonus and something you are happy to have but it's not a requirement
Author kaylan Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 I don't agree with you. I know a good number of short guys and they have no problem dating women about their height or shorter When women say they want a tall guy, they generally mean a guy as tall as them or taller Im just saying, based on what I hear and see...women want a guy at least near average height. Women who are 5'2 and 5'3 arent dating guys that height usually. Lets be real. Most of them are with guys much taller than that. And no...when women say they like a tall guy, they usually mean 6 foot at least. Ive heard numerous women say this online and in real life. Its not that they wouldnt date an average height dude whos taller than them, its just that they prefer an actually tall guy. And height is definitely a requirement for many women, the same way weight is for many men. Lets not pretend the issue doesnt exist.
brahmabull117 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Im just saying, based on what I hear and see...women want a guy at least near average height. Women who are 5'2 and 5'3 arent dating guys that height usually. Lets be real. Most of them are with guys much taller than that. And no...when women say they like a tall guy, they usually mean 6 foot at least. Ive heard numerous women say this online and in real life. Its not that they wouldnt date an average height dude whos taller than them, its just that they prefer an actually tall guy. And height is definitely a requirement for many women, the same way weight is for many men. Lets not pretend the issue doesnt exist. I absolutely agree that's a preference for taller guys but it's not a prerequisite is my point. Most 5-3 girls would date say a 5'4 guy that they liked a lot most women are dating guys 3-4 inches taller than them because men are naturally about 4-5 inches taller than women anyways
Anela Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Our perspectives in that thread really weren't that different. I actually agreed with what you were saying initially - that social savvy and social skills are the most important thing You don't need a brilliant sense of humor to have great social skills and be able to have a great time. Laughter comes naturally when you are having a good time In that regard, humor in the traditional sense of being able to tell great jokes and having comedic timing is overrated You used Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Matt Damon as examples. I remember it being said that they were always playing pranks on each other when they were filming a movie together. They don't just sit around looking pretty - they're easygoing, and lighten things up, but also know when to be serious.
brahmabull117 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 they're easygoing, and lighten things up, but also know when to be serious. that's just regular good social skills I don't consider that "humor", this is humor to me -
chelle21689 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Personality matters more. Obviously I'm not going to want to date someone hideous. They have to be at least decent looking. I can find them very handsome and hot if I'm into them.
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