NOsuchthing Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 So to answer the question before it's asked as to why I know all these things...I'm in a LDR so fortunately and often unfortunately we talk about everything. I'm thinking this "let's talk about everything" trend will end soon as the longer we date and more serious we become I'm finding the LESS I want to know.... In short... My boyfriends had threesomes on multiple occasions and this bugs me. Like a lot. He was with this older woman for a few years in his early twenties who was bi and was insanely kinky. She had quite a few friends who were strippers etc...she was an aspiring model I'm told (thanks for that as well) and on occasion she and her friend would get wild with my boyfriend. And I'm not talking like, they did stuff, he watched. I mean like full on like, porn style....Last night in conversation he sorta slipped that it wasn't just one other girl he and ex had threesome with but ANOTHER one on top of that. He didn't tell me this before in fact he specifically told me it was just the ex and ONE of her friends. "Maybe 5 or 6 times in like 3 years" he says. Now that I know they indulged in another woman too I'm starting to doubt how honest he's being. I know I sound like Judge Judy I am not trying to be but this stuff bothers me. He swears he is not like this anymore. this chick was his first and she just happened to be wild. He says he would never even consider sharing me now and that I do not need to be concerned about satisfying him. BUt we havent had sex yet....We have been kind of trying to abstain but I don't think that will last...but I find myself wanting to withhold from him, yes because I'm Christian and I don't exactly agree with premarital sex, but I've had it and I know how difficult it is to abstain especially if you've already done it....but I find myself feeling like he doesn't deserve me and I hate myself for this! But how do I stop feeling this way?? I find myself thinking things like 'well if you want it so badly why don't you go call so and so and her stripper friends...I'm sure theyd show you a good time...". He's hurt that this bothers me and I'm hurt that he doesn't care even the slightest bit who I've been with. Doesn't bother him in the least to think of some man ravaging me but I get quite possessive and angry when I picture him pleasuring two women neither of which are me... Someone please shed some light.
all_hail_me Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I'm sure other people may shed some greater light than this but it sounds like his "experience" is making you very insecure. You either accept it and go forth with the relationship, or you end it now before getting into bed with him! It depends how worth it you think he is. If you think you will feel really used and gross afterwards, I'd say just avoid it and find a guy who is a lot more reserved like you.
Author NOsuchthing Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 That's just it I'm not that reserved I do deal with "we probably shouldn't be doing this" like I said for spiritual reasons...but I'm not a virgin and I was in a long term relationship where we did everything you can think of but we never brought anyone else to bed with us....As far as freak level goes, IF I'm going to do it....I'm pretty out there. I don't doubt my ability so much as I just find myself being jealous and I don't know why
Emilia Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I went out with a guy once who had all sorts of experiences but that never made me insecure because the sex was very good. He was once offered a threesome by a girl who was bisexual and fancied me. I asked him what he wanted before I gave my answer (I wasn't interested) and he said he was happy to satisfy one woman, didn't fancy the work of trying to satisfy two. That's how we left and it never came up again. His current girlfriend is quite straight laced.
MCMLXXXIX Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 If he doesn't want to share you, that's huge. I would trust this guy. I think it's good that he had time to explore his sexuality. Guys do need that I believe. Now he can be more confident in himself and know the difference between love and sex. I myself didn't love girls I was with in the past and I didn't care if they had other partners and there also was the possibility for a threesome. However I eventually met someone I truly cared about. I would never share her. I only want to be intimate with her and build upon that.
Author NOsuchthing Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 @MCM I know this post is old at this point, but I am just now reading your response and I want to say thank you! That was really sweet and really helpful Weve been intimate at this point and to my surprise he was almost too easy to please. Apparently I am the more difficult lol. So it's on to other relationship problems now. Sigh. If it's not one thing it's another....but seriously thanks
MrCastle Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Extremely jealous of his past but hopefully one day (soon) that will be me. Can't say I'm not trying. Anywho, the biggest issue I have with this are those three letters that have no business being linked to each other. L-D-R. Because of how L the D is, you don't have a real R. LDR's are not R's by any stretch of the imagination in my opinion. Pen pals, yes. Relationships, no. I would cut my losses just off that alone and try to find someone who actually lives near you. As far as his past goes, you can either look past it, or admit that you can't. If you're not honest with yourself and you tell him you're okay with it and secretly you're not, it's going to harbor resentment and eventually drive a wedge between the two of you. I think if people are different sexually, it's hard to keep the relationship going. Sexual incompatibility is a real problem. But the biggest issue is this LDR business.
aed Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Personaly I understand why you would be insecure, also peoples prevous actions and why they did. it tell who the are, is wat I believe. People who dated 4 people at onces and hooked up with anyone the think is cute. When the claim to have changed the moment they met someone is for me very hard to believe. But It is up to you how you deal with it. If everything else is TRULY GREAT and normal for you. I would just let it go. But when there are allot of little things you think are strange, or when he has even a little secretcy I would revalue my relationship.
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