ejl271 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Hey Guys, Im new to the site but just needed some help so here it goes..... Im 23 yrs old and so is my gf, we met when we were 18.. from the beginning we both loved each other extremely hard and strong! but boy did we argue!! She was physicall very early on in the relationship. I had never been physical with a female until I met her, but I never took it to the extent where I was actually doing physical damage such as punching and what not I would just shove or gently push her..things im not proud of though....we moved in together when we were 20.... and it was very hard on the relationship, krystal had friends I did not approve of drug users and sluts, but krystal is no slut!! long story short we have had a rocky relationship from the get go! But no matter what we went through I still would love her more and more as time went on! Now that our lease ended we got into a big fight and moved into seperate apts. I still want her to be mine, and she tells me she still wants me, but we need to just work things out.... She told me she needs her SPACE...We now have been living seperately for the past 2 weeks and its hard for me to carry-on with basic everyday stuff. I miss her she wont spend the night with me or anything... I thought she was seeing someone else but she assures me there is nobody else in picture... she just keeps telling me she needs space and time alone.. She is now beginning to build more resentment against me for everything I have done in the relationship! but I feel it was not only me she did alot of messed up stuff too, but im still here fighting for our love!! should I just drop all communication? should I answer when she calls? should I keep trying to confess my love to her? one moment she is telling me she loves me the next she is speaking to me in an angry tone!! but she still says she does not want me out of her life, she says she only wants me! dont really feel like playing the ignore game to get her back but not I will do anything. should I try to keep chasing her or just break all communication and let her come to me? but if I do that i feel she might feel like I didnt fight for her so im not the one for her... but I want to be, like I said I have made tons of mistakes but so has she!!!! and help would be extremely appreciated!~!!!!
MCMLXXXIX Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 First it would be important to state what of kind mistakes you guys made. Cheating for one is very difficult to deal with and unless you are married and have kids it's best to simply end the relationship. Drug issues are precarious too, but they can be dealt with. Whatever it is, you two obviously harm each other. Stop chasing her, but don't break all communication either. The most difficult thing to do is to be moderate. Take some distance, but don't disappear completely, be patient, keep being her boyfriend, let her be yours, and see what happens. Living together is not easy for anyone it seems. Occupy your time alone at home with other things. 1
Author ejl271 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 First it would be important to state what of kind mistakes you guys made. Cheating for one is very difficult to deal with and unless you are married and have kids it's best to simply end the relationship. Drug issues are precarious too, but they can be dealt with. Whatever it is, you two obviously harm each other. Stop chasing her, but don't break all communication either. The most difficult thing to do is to be moderate. Take some distance, but don't disappear completely, be patient, keep being her boyfriend, let her be yours, and see what happens. Living together is not easy for anyone it seems. Occupy your time alone at home with other things. Thanks for all your kind words, and no I have never cheated on her and I dont reallly think she has either! what I did was verbal abuse while arguing, name calling ETC., she did as well but im starting to see the man really sets the tone in a relationship. if she screams and hits you must sit and take it until she calms down to talk things out. My heart is falling apart right now. I feel Im losing the love of my life! she still makes the effort to come see me everday or everyother day though? All I want to do is grab her and kiss her and show my regret! And no we are not married or have kids. I cut my finger Sun. and when she came over she helped me put the bandaid on and kissed it?? then the next min. she telling me it dont feel the same..... all of this crap is confusing, im young and suck at reading women... Im finishing up my engineering degree and in one year, and want to merry her and work out the flaws that I can change... and learn to love the flaws that make up this women... is this possible I have deep love for her....
MCMLXXXIX Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 You definitely need to give yourself space. It's not healthy that she screams and hits you. Of course you shouldn't fight back, but she shouldn't be doing that in the first place. Do you guys still call it a relationship? Do you guys still have sex? Congrats for the degree BTW. You're about to become your own man. Don't put too much effort in "fixing" someone else's flaws though. There's only so much you can do. Your partner has to want to work on her own person. It is very important that you don't hold unto her only because she's your first.
Author ejl271 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Since we dont live together we are not sexually active RIGHT NOW. plus its only on my mind every once in a while all this **** hurts too much to constantly think about it. how much space though is good?!? I mean we really dont see each other allll day and she is always saying I will swing by after work since I live close to her job. then when she comes its like only for 45min to 1hr? I want to put everything on the table and talk it out but she holds tons of resentement against me, and starts to huff and puff and roll her eyes as if im annoying...... but she just keeps saying she needs space... Im not staling her either showing up at her apt. and what not.
MCMLXXXIX Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) The fact that she comes by so often shows that she may want it to work again. Maybe the two of you should do something fun together instead of arguing. Take her out like you would if you had just met her. It's possible she might not be that much into you anymore. I say keep your distances like you do, have some fun for a while here and there, show her your fun side again, perhaps she'll be seduced once more. Then maybe bring back the subject of the relationship later. Edited July 31, 2012 by MCMLXXXIX 1
Author ejl271 Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 ok so, yesterday we meet at chillis restraunt and speak and she looks really sad and is complaining about all these bills she has incurred since we moved out on our own... should I feel bad for her? should I try to help her with her bills? I dont want to get taken advantage of.... after eating we go to the batting cages and actually have some fun.... she posts on FB that she went to the batting cages and had tons of fun! but didnt mention my name on FB? then I saw on FB she added one of my friends who Im really not to fond of, we always made fun of how ugly this guy was. so I called her, not angry, but just to ask her why she added this guy she doesnt even like, first she denied it then I told her "krystal Im looking at your FB now I see either he added you or you added him" she said sorry and she would remove him as a friend, she also said that she didnt mean to hurt me by it.... but why deny it in the first place? maybe she was a bit flustered... I dont know if I should just leave her alone because Im making big changes in my life each day that passes. reading the bible more now than ever. oh yeah and I hate FB now that we dont live together she is posting something on their daily, ****s annoying!
MCMLXXXIX Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Don't help her with bills. You are not married. I would recommend you don't tell your GF what to do and what not to do on FB. It's likely going to piss her off. What do you care if she added your friend? Maybe she wants to ask about you. You can't know for sure what is going on. Focus on her IRL behavior. You mentioned she looked really sad. She may be posting on FB daily to have people think she is actually doing OK. Think about it. Would you be on this forum if things were OK? You two are struggling. She is using a different outlet. Don't read too much into it. I don't know what kind of changes you are trying to make and I wonder what the bible has to do with anything. You're not likely going to solve anything with the bible. It's a very difficult book to interpret. Focus on what you want. I think you ought to spend one or two more fun evenings out with her and then tell her you really want the relationship back. I re-read your first post and that seems to be what you wish for. Don't let her female indecisiveness obstruct your judgement. Don't let yourself be hurt for too long.
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