Skalabanan Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Hi all, My Ex-GFs birthday happened the weekend just gone, for the past 6 weeks I've been in NIC. I sent her a card with a straight up happy birthday message, no wishy washy messages proclaiming my love etc... I sent the card because I felt it was right to do because the split wasn't a horrible break and I felt that it made me the bigger person for doing so. She text me once she got in from work thanking me for the card and said it really meant a lot to her. The day after her birthday we got chatting, the convo last a solid three hours, i really wanted to get it short but it just seemed to carry momentum. Right near the end of the convo it got to us talking about the future and plans we had, I informed her that I'm going to Vegas early september and that I'm about to start the process for moving to Canada for a year (in my mind she had mmoved on and it was time yo sort my life), at this point she freaked out. She told me she doesn't want me to go and that I'd be so far away from her, then she said that me going there would be a dealbreaker in us getting back together :s I left the convo there because I didn't have the answers of know what to say. Later that night she text me to let me know shes been freaking out all evening about me moving away and taking away any hope SHE has of us getting back together. She said she felt in our relationship it broke down because we got stuck in a routine and to hear me going off jet setting contradicted the path we were going down. She said sorry for being so selfish and that she knows this will **** with my head but shes still so confused. Was it just the severity of the news I gave her the reason she seemed to enter survival mode or does she genuinely have hope of reconciliation? I told her she needs some space to think, this gives me time to initiate NIC and clear my head again. What are your thoughts? P.s sorry if the spelling is bad but I sent this from my phone and it was a right pain.
ejl271 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Hmmm, now this is a bit tricky! Only you know how strong you and her relationship was... You must move on with life and if she really does love you man like it sounds like she might (but I could be wrong), she will make every possible effort to keep in contact with you! Maybe even she will take the step to move closer to you! I dont know who broke up with who but dont put your life on hold just because now she wants you back cuz ur moving!! wish you the best of Luck Brew!
Stanza Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Not really sure if you want back with her from what you say, sounds like you're on both sides of the fence. If moving is vital to your life/career then it's a factor to keep in mind, presumably she can always follow Not that easy, I know. It's tricky really. If you have a way to postpone moving if you wanted to see how things go with her, you could always try that. Ultimately you have to know if the reasons you broke up, are gone, or not...
Author Skalabanan Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 I don't know what to think anymore. In my mind she had almost completely moved on (only been 6 weeks but that was the impression she gave), clearly she hasn't but the main thing to remember is she probably isn't even remotely close to us committing back to a relationship. I'll keep you informed but I can't see us having any contact for a foreseeable period now.
Stanza Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I think you should first figure out what you want, it seems like she's opened the door, but reconciling needs you to be involved and willing and taking steps to her. Perhaps first you need to work out if you want to fight for it. If you don't. Then it's easy...It's not really about what she wants right now but what you want and you want together.
Author Skalabanan Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Thanks for your responses. It's day 4 of NC since that contact and I fully expect her to prolong this NC for a lengthy period, she was scared into a situation that made her saygomething she probably didn't want to say so soon. I want us to give it another go but I'm not going to indulge her whilst shes still confused, I did my begging and reasoning after BU and I wont be doing it again. Its nice to know she has hope of reconciliation but all its done has ****ed my head up and made this week incredibly tough. Just need to keep moving onwards and upwards.
Author Skalabanan Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 We met up today, very off the cuff and last minute. We spent a day in central and had a great day, no talk of our previous relationship and she hinted numerous times about going away together etc... Ended the day with an unexpected passionate kiss as we departed. Still massively early days and truth be known I'm still expecting the worst but we've opened the reconciliation door slightly.
Exit Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) Tread carefully. You don't owe her anything and she deserves to have zero influence on the direction your life takes unless she wants to be in a committed relationship. The relationship ended, she didn't care to say anything to you for six weeks, and only upon hearing that you were starting to make some plans for yourself did she start to act like this. I think you should maintain full speed ahead for your plans and do not even consider making changes or compromises unless the relationship is going to get repaired. It would be all too easy to continue down this road and keep up the chats and exchanging a few kisses until one day you let her know you put off your plans to move and then suddenly she'll be right back to thinking you guys don't belong together right now and then you'll be left with nothing. If I were in your shoes I would keep the pressure on her by following through with my plans and letting her know that I'd only be open to reconsidering for someone who was actually my girlfriend. Do not fall for her putting the guilt trip on you that YOUR actions are ruining any chance of reconciliation. I'm guessing she is the one who mostly initiated the breakup, she's not the one who got in contact, she's not the one who sent a card or a letter, so don't let the mind games get to you, remember who stands where. There wouldn't even need to be a reconciliation if everyone had stayed committed to the relationship in the first place. When she tries to make those accusations about guilt I would just say "hey I understand but I can't change my life around for something less than a sure thing and I can't change my plans for someone who isn't sure if they want a future with me. If any of that changes let me know". Do not fall into the trap of acting like a couple without getting the actual confirmation that you are back together. Edited August 5, 2012 by Exit
Author Skalabanan Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 Hi Exit, Your posts are the exit reasons I'm treading very carefully. It's only our first meet up since the BU but she's initiated pretty much every contact besides the card. I know 6 weeks isn't long enough for us to change or grow so I'm going to tread extremely carefully and take all the advice and knowledge I've gained from here. Back into NIC today and see where the future takes us. Thanks for your advice and my plans will not be put on hold
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