ProjectSiK Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) Okay, so I don't know where I'm at basically. If you want to read my story, check my created threads, it's the only one I posted apart from this one. Long story short, my girlfriend of 3.5 years left me because she was "losing feelings" or "couldn't envision a future for us like she used to." Now, all that aside, I really don't know where I'm at. This may be a long rant but I don't really talk to anybody about this stuff because, well... I don't like getting other people involved in my business and it doesn't really help that most of my friends are also friends with my ex. So, the first week or two, I was feeling like complete crap. I initiated contact twice. The first time we met in person and just talked about what we've been up to and the second time was through Facebook messages (You could see more info in my first thread.) I just felt empty. This girl, my world, told me she lost feelings for me... It just killed me. I lost a lot of friends after that break-up, I don't like admitting that because I always feel pathetic. Most of my crying in those first two weeks came from her no longer being with me and me having no one to go to because all of those "friends" were always with her. Granted, one or two of them come forth every now and then to hang out but we still don't talk about the relationship much because I know anything I say will most likely get back to her. It's been about three weeks now, I've been keeping myself busy, getting in shape by walking three 1/2 miles everyday and rekindling friendships with people I haven't spoken to in awhile (Only two people but I'm the kind of person who would rather have two great friends opposed to a million acquaintances). Anyway, point is, I've been reading the stages of grief and I can't establish where I fall in there. I reminisce about her A LOT but I never get upset (anymore, at least), however, I no longer think about what we could have been. My mindset right now is basically this: I know I'm a great, caring person. I have a heart of gold and I KNOW that. Even though I don't have many friends, I'm there for anyone and everyone I've ever met and I did my absolute best in my relationship with that girl. She let me go and I know that's her loss. I'm at the point where I feel like even if she came back or initiated contact, I wouldn't want to speak with her because she took my heart and shattered it into the ground. That is unforgivable in my eyes. This isn't the first break-up I've had, I kind of prepared myself after my first terrible break-up (which had me in a slum for much longer than I'd like to say, I was 16, 23 now, let's just say, first major relationship, lost my virginity to her, etc). I knew what to expect but I'm also a lot more mature compared to then. I don't know, I'm just confused. I guess I'm at the Anger stage but I don't feel angry. I also don't want to fall into the depression stage if the stages of grief are anything to go by. Sorry for the rant, I can't say I'm looking for any particular responses but it's nice to get this out there. Thanks if you read it Edited July 31, 2012 by ProjectSiK
Mr Scorpio Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 The fact that you can at least honestly say that you wouldn't take her back if she came calling speaks volumes. As does your acknowledging that you did the best you could in the relationship, and that you realize your value. I think you are well on your way to recovery.
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