verhrzn Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Wait, I don't follow... you're sad about this?? Lots of steamy texts, got laid without even a "proper" date as you say, and now she's not being all needy and pulling the "Are we dating?" card on you. Kinda sounds like you got what every guy wants... a hot, awesome no-strings-attached situation. As to wanting to see her again, who knows, it could become a regular friends-with-benefits situation. If not, you were gonna get sick of her anyway, so this sounds like a win-win all the way around in Guy Land.
Star Gazer Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Maybe I am a softy. She eventually got back to me saying she couldn't make tonight for some lame reason no offer to reschedule. I don't know if her intention was to be "nice". she picked a pretty cruel way to do it. I feel disrespected for both being flaked on AND for not getting a straight answer from her. This behavior is too conmon. Why cant people respect the people they go out with with some honesty? I didn't mean anything bad when I said you're a softie. Quite the opposite, actually.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 I didn't mean anything bad when I said you're a softie. Quite the opposite, actually. Haha I know Star Gazer. I AM a softie. Sometimes....
lino Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 She wanted a quick, easy root & she got it. Not much more to it. Happened to me before as well.
lino Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Wait, I don't follow... you're sad about this?? Lots of steamy texts, got laid without even a "proper" date as you say, and now she's not being all needy and pulling the "Are we dating?" card on you. Kinda sounds like you got what every guy wants... a hot, awesome no-strings-attached situation. As to wanting to see her again, who knows, it could become a regular friends-with-benefits situation. If not, you were gonna get sick of her anyway, so this sounds like a win-win all the way around in Guy Land. Believe it or not, not all men want to stick their knobs in as many holes as possible. 2
verhrzn Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Believe it or not, not all men want to stick their knobs in as many holes as possible. Why not? This is building off the Player thread, but honestly, if you get good sex for a woman and then don't hear from her again, how is that not a win from a guy's perspective?
Trimmer Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) Wait, I don't follow... you're sad about this?? Lots of steamy texts, got laid without even a "proper" date as you say, and now she's not being all needy and pulling the "Are we dating?" card on you. Kinda sounds like you got what every guy wants... a hot, awesome no-strings-attached situation.... If not, you were gonna get sick of her anyway, so this sounds like a win-win all the way around in Guy Land. ...but honestly, if you get good sex for a woman and then don't hear from her again, how is that not a win from a guy's perspective? Your mistake is assuming that what you believe every guy wants must be what this guy wants. We're not generalizing about every guy, or most guys, or the average guy. We're talking about Ima, and it sounds like this guy was genuinely hoping for something more than a one-time hookup. I, too, was going to chime in with a "you got laid; how is this a problem?" type of comment, but I see that he genuinely hoped for something more, and I understand that makes it different from "what most guys want." I also tend to agree with Emilia, that the intimacy created in the run-up to that first date is a somewhat artificial projection - idealizing ... pedestal-building... In that sense, it is probably hard to live up to in real life, and so there's a decent (maybe not guaranteed, but certainly decent) chance that reality won't live up to that fantasy as the light of the next morning comes peeking through the window... Edited August 1, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to deleted post
Emilia Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Maybe I am a softy. She eventually got back to me saying she couldn't make tonight for some lame reason no offer to reschedule. I don't know if her intention was to be "nice". she picked a pretty cruel way to do it. I feel disrespected for both being flaked on AND for not getting a straight answer from her. This behavior is too conmon. Why cant people respect the people they go out with with some honesty? I'm very sorry you feel this way but I think for this reason it's good not to rush things especially with a complete stranger. It went waaaaay too fast and built of shaky foundations. 2
Emilia Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Why not? This is building off the Player thread, but honestly, if you get good sex for a woman and then don't hear from her again, how is that not a win from a guy's perspective? Because * gasp * men are human beings too! Imagine! 1
irc333 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 Funny this was posted.....I met a woman online that somehow our converstion got steamy. She even sent me pictures of herself in her lingerie, posing on satin sheets on her bed, and a few other hotsy totsy photos. We did meet in person pretty quickly, on our 2nd date, I think she was wanting sex from me, but my gut told me that she might be just looking to get laid. When we were talking, she told me she never really leaves her town to go anywhere, if she leaves the house it's to go shopping mostly, but never really goes out exploring for the fun of it, doesn't like to drive. She told me how she had just gotten out of an abusive on and off again relationship with a rather abusive boyfriend. She said she had broken up with him like 8 times and had gotten back together with him. He lives in the same area...but this is a concern for me because if they've been doing this on and off many times....she might ONE day allow him back into her life while she's dating someone else. I wanted to hold off on the intimacy for that night, so I just kissed her good night. When I tried to get ahold of her again...she didn't return phone calls nor emails. I recall in chatting, she said she cannot be on the computer after a certain time at night, because her favorite shows are on. I just found THAT odd, too, esp, in the early evenings. The supposed 'intimacy' you create with someone via texting without meeting them first is all in your mind, it's projection, it's not real. It also puts a lot of pressure on expectations. You then met them and you take it to the next level like you did with this woman without having some kind of foundation that's based on reality rahter than a fantasy.
RedRobin Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 I'm very sorry you feel this way but I think for this reason it's good not to rush things especially with a complete stranger. It went waaaaay too fast and built of shaky foundations. Of course, I agree... and for the reasons the OP mentioned. It isn't just women who get attached ASAP. Men get hurt that way too. I don't like people to be hurt. Me OR the guy... the main reason why *I* wait... (plus lowering the odds of coming across jerks/unstable people). Folks... It really is not a backwards, abstinence only, pseudo-religious conspiracy to suggest people take some time if they are looking for a relationship... Seems like common sense to me... and frankly, more 'fun' in the long run 1
Author Imajerk17 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Follow-up: I did hear back from her. At first she texted me a short terse response that she didn't think we were compatible. I wrote her back expressing my anger and disappointment. I told her that I was clear that I was looking for a girlfriend and if she was only after "one thing", then why did she come on so strong and lead me on. She then wrote a much longer response saying that she didn't feel the sexual chemistry she was looking for. As hard as that might have been to read, I damn appreciate her honesty and I told her that. Her response is all I could ask for. We wished each other the best and signed off. Meanwhile I moved on. I met a girl on the streets and I have a date early this week.
Emilia Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 She then wrote a much longer response saying that she didn't feel the sexual chemistry she was looking for. As hard as that might have been to read, I damn appreciate her honesty and I told her that. Her response is all I could ask for. We wished each other the best and signed off. Meanwhile I moved on. I met a girl on the streets and I have a date early this week. Glad you have moved on. It was definitely too much too soon built on shaky grounds. It is much better to allow sexual tension to develop when you don't know someone.
Author Imajerk17 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Meanwhile I know I have to work on my own boundaries. I do get too angry about some things and I really need to do a better job not spending emotional energy in how people I barely know decide to communicate with me. I know what the issue is and what I need to keep on doing and I talked about it in another thread I created. 3
Author Imajerk17 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Which thread? The one with 'angry' in the title? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/338532-dual-personalities-dating-life My post #8 on the thread. I talk about having some deep-rooted feelings on unworthiness and how I've been working to overcome them.
Emilia Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) Sounds good, I had to overcome something similar. I come from a family where the constructive way of expressing emotions was never encouraged. My sister dealt with it differently, she is very quiet and a generally withdrawn person until she gets to know someone. On the other hand, I used to lose my temper a lot. I am much better at that now. There are several things I worked on, one was the recognition of boundaries like you mentioned OP and I learned how to give subtle signs to the other person before they crossed those boundaries. I have also learned to deal with anger as an entity in itself. I have learned to allow it to pass through me, to breath deeply and let it pass rather than act on it. I have learned to remove myself from the situation and to view it by taking a step back. It still happens occasionally but I think only at times when it's warranted and it doesn't take an aggressive form, it's quite controlled. Boxing also helps There is a friend whom I have known for over 20 years who will see me much more expressive than most people. I was talking to him about something last night where I was definitely agitated because it was something I felt strongly about but it was more about expressing strong views on something that I felt strongly about than being angry and lashing out. I think it helps if you know one or two people who is completely comfortable with your expressions of emotions. Edited August 4, 2012 by Emilia
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