health Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I just want a new girlfriend, and new love. It's been a struggle. I was with my ex for over 5 years, and we broke up almost 4 years ago - she rebounded 3 days after and it killed me so bad. Since then I tried everything to heal - I quit drinking, smoking, went to New York, dated 2 other girls, got hired and promoted. Things looked up. Then I lost my job, moved back home to my verbally abusive mom - I'm 30 years old. Its been tough to find work. A new girl recently stood me up. I go out and just freeze before I approach women. I vowed never to like a girl more then she likes me that wasn't even the case with my ex we were good for a while. Its just I can't risk love anymore. I just checked her facebook - she gained a little weight but still looks good, still with the same guy, she only has one photo of them together. She never says nice things about him good or bad - she lives with him. The thought of them screwing daily kills me. I don't know. They say you cant get involved without fully healing. I just feel like a mess. Its like some sick pleasure I get checking up on her and so lonely knowing its been almost 4 years since our break up. I went years before checking. I just want this to stop.
Exit Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I think that happens to a lot of people, a more recent rejection taking you back to something that happened a long time ago. I've even had to ask myself lately, has this trail of 3 or 4 girlfriends I've had lately really all been about the main girl who dumped me years ago, maybe I never got over her. I ask myself who I'd like to have back more, my most recent ex who has me back on the forums, or the girl from years ago who first showed me what getting dumped can feel like, and I think I know that I want the old girlfriend back. I dunno how you find the strength to keep checking up on her online but it would definitely be helpful to stop that. I want to know what my ex is up to but at the same time I have maintained not hearing or seeing anything about her for so long, it would kill me to look now and find out she is with the same guy or whatever else. Sometimes I tempt fate by looking up old mutual friends on Facebook and thinking I might catch her in somebody else's default profile picture, but I've tried to stop doing that too. Maybe you should just settle into being single for a while? We don't always have to be either in a relationship or looking for one. Sounds like you have a lot of other stuff that could use attention right now, finding work and getting back to living on your own, you would want those things taken care of first before bringing a girlfriend around anyway I'm sure. It's so common these days that people want to be attached to someone every day of their lives, people treat being single like a disease, but there is nothing wrong with it. Obviously you still have some healing to do so maybe just get out of the dating mindset for a while.
Author health Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 I think that happens to a lot of people, a more recent rejection taking you back to something that happened a long time ago. I've even had to ask myself lately, has this trail of 3 or 4 girlfriends I've had lately really all been about the main girl who dumped me years ago, maybe I never got over her. I ask myself who I'd like to have back more, my most recent ex who has me back on the forums, or the girl from years ago who first showed me what getting dumped can feel like, and I think I know that I want the old girlfriend back. I dunno how you find the strength to keep checking up on her online but it would definitely be helpful to stop that. I want to know what my ex is up to but at the same time I have maintained not hearing or seeing anything about her for so long, it would kill me to look now and find out she is with the same guy or whatever else. Sometimes I tempt fate by looking up old mutual friends on Facebook and thinking I might catch her in somebody else's default profile picture, but I've tried to stop doing that too. Maybe you should just settle into being single for a while? We don't always have to be either in a relationship or looking for one. Sounds like you have a lot of other stuff that could use attention right now, finding work and getting back to living on your own, you would want those things taken care of first before bringing a girlfriend around anyway I'm sure. It's so common these days that people want to be attached to someone every day of their lives, people treat being single like a disease, but there is nothing wrong with it. Obviously you still have some healing to do so maybe just get out of the dating mindset for a while. Exit, thanks so much for the kind words. It's wild, it's like trying to fill a void with rebounds. That's why every relationship after - I made sure to not take them as serious. I know checking up on her is bad - when I do, I usually feel fine. Then 2 days later fall into feeling like crap. Feeling like I haven't moved on, but really I have. I have to remind myself I have. It's funny, this time I didn't feel bad at all. That was my plan - where even if I get triggered not to get emotionally bothered again. I think I'm almost completely healed, and will not check on her again. Funny how this morning I got an email saying shes trying to follow me on twitter - I read into to much and just figure she didnt actually follow me - so she probably got all her msn contacts which I may still be on - searched out to add to her twitter. Whatever. Exactly - I love what you said about being single. I just had an awesome job interview today. Hopefully I make it. From there I plan on moving out. I will just relax off dating for a while. It's funny that girl who stood me up? She messaged me late last night saying sorry. I said it's fine and not to worry about it. I didn't even really want to date her, just hang out. I could care less about her anyway. It feels good leaving this all like this. This new girl is unemployed and too similar to my ex, not making that mistake again! hahaha Thanks again Exit! I feel like I just had a minor relapse and this will make me stronger!
CopingGal Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I just want a new girlfriend, and new love. It's been a struggle. I was with my ex for over 5 years, and we broke up almost 4 years ago - she rebounded 3 days after and it killed me so bad. Since then I tried everything to heal - I quit drinking, smoking, went to New York, dated 2 other girls, got hired and promoted. Things looked up. Then I lost my job, moved back home to my verbally abusive mom - I'm 30 years old. Its been tough to find work. A new girl recently stood me up. I go out and just freeze before I approach women. I vowed never to like a girl more then she likes me that wasn't even the case with my ex we were good for a while. Its just I can't risk love anymore. I just checked her facebook - she gained a little weight but still looks good, still with the same guy, she only has one photo of them together. She never says nice things about him good or bad - she lives with him. The thought of them screwing daily kills me. I don't know. They say you cant get involved without fully healing. I just feel like a mess. Its like some sick pleasure I get checking up on her and so lonely knowing its been almost 4 years since our break up. I went years before checking. I just want this to stop. Sorry you are in pain. Ending your facebook account is a good start. I ended mine in April and it was a very, very good decision. I have not been back to facebook since.
Author health Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Sorry you are in pain. Ending your facebook account is a good start. I ended mine in April and it was a very, very good decision. I have not been back to facebook since. Thing is I'm not in pain anymore. It's not even numb, I'm just not bothred by it anymore. I deleted her from my facebook long time ago. I would never delete my whole facebook account cause of her. I run a business, and meet up with friends from there. It's a great tool. The thing I won't do is check up on her anymore. It's something I said I wouldn't do, but the recent triggers brought it back. It's just another step in the growth process
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