tallydoo Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Hi everyone, I've been bopping around here for a while and have posted about some new developments in my ex's and my relationship. For a quick recap: I reached out after NC about a month ago and was promptly re-invited into his life in a HUGE capacity. He invites me to almost every group outing he has and plans them with me (including the guest list) before opening it up to other people, and sends out a lot signals that he's interested again while we're in these group settings. We recently did sort of a date/group mix (the date part was pretty much just by chance--everyone else showed up to the restaurant late, etc.) and it was unbelievably fun; when he dropped me off, I felt like The Talk was *this* close to happening. But it hasn't yet, and I've seen him a few times since then. He's also been sending out these signals for a month. How do I keep myself from becoming his emotional bandaid/back burner while still encouraging this? I'm backing off for right now, but I don't want to do that indefinitely.
AlexfromBoston Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Tallydoo, as I guy I can say my ex from years ago was easily played and fell into a "I have you on the backburner" phase. I really felt like I could enjoy life as a single man and do whatever I pleased, while keeping my ex as a last ditch option. Eventually, she grew sick of my behavior(much like yourself) and cut off ties with me. This infuriated and saddened me in one foul move. I would advise you to cut off ties with him(maybe light contact) and let him squirm a bit. Any contact you do have should be cold and unattached. Believe me, he will get frantic and soon enough, he may fall on your backburner.
Author tallydoo Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 I've definitely been making him work for everything he's been getting from me--he's initiated almost all of the hanging out and texting, and I pick and choose when I go see him and when I don't. So I don't think I'm on the backburner yet. I'm just getting impatient--I know there's not supposed to be a set timeline, but a month just feels like a long time. We're also meeting up tomorrow so that he can give me something (his initiative)--nonchalance? I'm having a hard time trying to balance showing interest and keeping my distance. I don't want him to think he's just being friend-zoned.
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