Rosie88 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I've come to realize that a lot of people (male and female) who have check lists of "dos and don'ts" for potential mates tend to be intolerant of certain characteristics that they themselves possess, which is rather hypocritical. Why do you think that is? Are you guilty of this? And if so, what is a character flaw that you have and yet find unacceptable in a potential mate? I suppose I should answer my own question? lol I've been told that I give up too easily, meaning that, when I'm talking to a guy and I get the slightest feeling that he might not be interested (i.e. he takes a bit longer than usual to reply to a text, or he makes some off-the-wall comment), I automatically assume that he's losing interest and, as a result, find myself growing distant in order to protect myself from eventual heartbreak. Usually it turns out to be nothing, but being that I'm a realist, my knee-jerk reaction is always to back down rather than press the guy for an explanation. And yet I hate it when a guy is not persistent enough and gives up too easily...hypocritical, I know, but I'm working on it
thepedestrian Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Yes, girls that make issues out of nothing. The second I sense it they're out the front door.
Author Rosie88 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Yes, girls that make issues out of nothing. The second I sense it they're out the front door. So, going back to my original question, are you saying that you, too, make issues out of nothing?
runningfar Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Actually.... I would definitely date me. Although I have a ridiculous amount of flaws that other people would despise, none of them are the ones that bother me. 1
Woggle Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 If I found out a woman had some of the issues with gender I have had over the years I would run fast. I know that is completely hypocritical but it would scare the hell out of me. 1
Silly_Girl Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I can be highly-strung, yet I really appreciate guys who are chilled out. I can be an obnoxious drunk and I hate that in a boyfriend. Having said that I can also be a fun and sexy drunk...
Author Rosie88 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 If I found out a woman had some of the issues with gender I have had over the years I would run fast. I know that is completely hypocritical but it would scare the hell out of me. What do you mean issues with gender?
Leopard Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Yes. And I think this is because we strive to find our "other half" which consists of things we do not possess. Someone who is strong where we are weak, and tolerant where we are not. It bothers me so much when people fidget, yet when I see someone else bothered by it I think to myself "dood, relax". 1
Author Rosie88 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Yes. And I think this is because we strive to find our "other half" which consists of things we do not possess. Someone who is strong where we are weak, and tolerant where we are not. Makes sense.
mortensorchid Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 They say women are picky about those things, I find some guys are just as uptight. Years ago, I was in an LDR with a very controlling man. He said this was not going to be a permanent set up unless I quit smoking and lost weight. After I had dropped about 30 of the 45 lbs I would eventually loose, and had quit for about 4 or 5 weeks, he was furious at me. I asked why, it took me too long to do it. Barely a year later, he married another woman. His marriage is over, and those 45 lbs I lost he gained. Then another issue with the smoking - I dated this guy for a few weeks who told me he had some kind of psych disorder that had caused him to be hospitalized and did not like the fact that I did not respond to him immediately (voice mails and emails), but dumped me because I smoked and that was disgusting. It was ok for him to think it was disguisting that I smoked but it wasn't ok for me to be uncomfortable with his flaws? Whatever.
Star Gazer Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I can be really judgmental, over-sensitive, and emotionally overwhelmed sometimes, and I don't like those qualities in the men I date. That's why I love my SO, he's much more... "Wooooooosah, Star, baby girl. Wooosah." 2
USMCHokie Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Being Asian. This is obviously a joke... ...but not really...
somedude81 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 There is no way I could be with a woman who is as stubborn as I am. Though if she she ends up having the same sex drive as me, then they'd be no arguments, too busy.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 People who have these lists are typically people with entitelment issues, people who expect others to have what they want or need...its up to others to satisfy their needs/desires. I also kind of see them as people who were maybe spoiled or brats, not really having to reflext or consider their own faultds just judgung and dismiissing others. Its easier to dismiss others s not good enough than have to accept your own faults or take responsibility in things. Therefore the longer the list the more issues this person likely has and would be difficult or in actuality this is them projecting a fantasy than realistic relationship. I've also noticed there seems to be a lack of relationsip knowledge and experience from those types of people for lack of a better term. Those who subscribe to these laundry lists of requirements usually mention things that wouldn't be important in arelationship or make it successful and leave out things that would...its usually glaringly obvious to me. People can dream though..even though they'll just look at it as not settling...l think maybe they have a lesson or two to learn about actual love and being in love..it changes everything, that list will fly out like a window like a brick...that's if they don't stop themselves from experiencing something because they're too busy critiquing and judging/cutting off anything with potential. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I can over-analyze things and get pretty emotional. I thought my perfect match would be someone like me. My ex, probably the only bigger over-analyzer than myself, drove me insane. I remember every evening after he got home from work, we would sit on a couch and go over every aspect of our relationship for hours. Those talks would always be half-arguments and would leave me tense. It's like we talked about nothing else BUT our relationship. I longed to just cook dinner, watch TV and chill 1
todreaminblue Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I've come to realize that a lot of people (male and female) who have check lists of "dos and don'ts" for potential mates tend to be intolerant of certain characteristics that they themselves possess, which is rather hypocritical. Why do you think that is? Are you guilty of this? And if so, what is a character flaw that you have and yet find unacceptable in a potential mate? I suppose I should answer my own question? lol I've been told that I give up too easily, meaning that, when I'm talking to a guy and I get the slightest feeling that he might not be interested (i.e. he takes a bit longer than usual to reply to a text, or he makes some off-the-wall comment), I automatically assume that he's losing interest and, as a result, find myself growing distant in order to protect myself from eventual heartbreak. Usually it turns out to be nothing, but being that I'm a realist, my knee-jerk reaction is always to back down rather than press the guy for an explanation. And yet I hate it when a guy is not persistent enough and gives up too easily...hypocritical, I know, but I'm working on it Why am I in a dating thread I dont date.Now I remember ..... I dont have a long list of to do or donts, the one thing that I do know is I drive people nuts so I think High blood pressure would be out for a potential for me so is someone laid back i can give laid back people high blood pressure and that is my confession.... my ex does jigsaw puzzles on weekends now and goes to kareoke....he cant sing so I think he might be a little fruity and has to take medication for high blood pressure and that was also me.....he was starting to get a tic behind his eye one eye would squint....he also is going out with a much older woman who doesnt talk and just sits there and smiles.....she creeps my girls out....they want to come home to a dag they beg me not to go......so....i dont date for protection factors
Emilia Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I don't like guys that fly off the handle even though I can be guilty of it myself - although not that much anymore! Haven't lost my temper for a very long time with someone and my BPD ex has really provoked me a few times. 1
Leopard Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 People who have these lists are typically people with entitelment issues, people who expect others to have what they want or need...its up to others to satisfy their needs/desires. Way disagree. Do stubborn people want to date stubborn people? No. They want someone who is patient and calm, because that is what they are not. It's all about finding that match that is suitable, and finding a suitable match means someone who is what you are not. That's why they call it "other half".
ThaWholigan Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I don't really like laziness in people, but as my mother pointed out, I can be lazier than most at times . One of those hypocritical things that I've worked on over the last couple of years.
Star Gazer Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I can over-analyze things and get pretty emotional. I thought my perfect match would be someone like me. My ex, probably the only bigger over-analyzer than myself, drove me insane. I remember every evening after he got home from work, we would sit on a couch and go over every aspect of our relationship for hours. Those talks would always be half-arguments and would leave me tense. It's like we talked about nothing else BUT our relationship. I longed to just cook dinner, watch TV and chill I used to think that I wanted someone just like me, and then realized it was too much heat in the kitchen. So, I went for the exact opposite, Skiman, who often seemed like he didn't care about a single thing. In retrospect he was emotionally dead. That's why I adore my SO and we fit so well. He is sensitive in his own right, but nowhere as much as I am, so he understands why I am the way I am, knows how I'll respond to various things, and most importantly, lets me be me completely (and at times even finds it endearing!). For the most part, he just rolls with it. When I'm being difficult or ridiculous, he knows exactly how to balance me out. Just being with him and observing how he deals makes me want to be a better person, and more like him. He rubs off on me (hehe) but I'm still me. 1
Star Gazer Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Way disagree. Do stubborn people want to date stubborn people? No. They want someone who is patient and calm, because that is what they are not. It's all about finding that match that is suitable, and finding a suitable match means someone who is what you are not. That's why they call it "other half". Well, yes and no. I don't want someone who is what I'm not. I'm not fat or stupid...
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I used to think that I wanted someone just like me, and then realized it was too much heat in the kitchen. So, I went for the exact opposite, Skiman, who often seemed like he didn't care about a single thing. In retrospect he was emotionally dead. That's why I adore my SO and we fit so well. He is sensitive in his own right, but nowhere as much as I am, so he understands why I am the way I am, knows how I'll respond to various things, and most importantly, lets me be me completely (and at times even finds it endearing!). For the most part, he just rolls with it. When I'm being difficult or ridiculous, he knows exactly how to balance me out. Just being with him and observing how he deals makes me want to be a better person, and more like him. He rubs off on me (hehe) but I'm still me. I think the letting you be completely you is VERY important. With my ex, I had to bend over backwards to please him just to keep peace. I ended up losing my identity and becoming somewhat of a pushover, which I am normally not. When someone accepts and loves you for who you are...then you know you have a winner. I hope this bf ends up being "the one" Star.
Leopard Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Well, yes and no. I don't want someone who is what I'm not. I'm not fat or stupid... lol you know what I mean
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 it doesnt matter if women have flaws or not, they can get laid/date anytime they want. Okay, we get your point. You and a handful of other new guys here sound like robots which have been programmed by somebody with a very limited intellect. Why don't you think about making some kind of interesting and maybe valuable contribution to some of the conversations going on around here? I bet you have it in you to do so. To the OP - personally, some of the things I dislike about myself are things I find completely intolerable in other people. It seems ingenuous, but maybe it's for the best. If the qualities are so distasteful, who needs doubling up on them?
Star Gazer Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I think the letting you be completely you is VERY important. With my ex, I had to bend over backwards to please him just to keep peace. I ended up losing my identity and becoming somewhat of a pushover, which I am normally not. Yeah, I found myself trying to be someone I wasn't with Skiman. He never outright said it, but I knew he wanted me to be something different than I was. It sucked, because I knew I could never be happy in the mould he was waiting for me to fill. It's a completely different experience when someone accepts you and loves you, faults and all. Ironically, it's when you're totally accepted as is that you end up wanting to better yourself. Then again, I recall feeling like I was accepted by Skiman too. I probably felt that way because he never vocalized it. When someone accepts and loves you for who you are...then you know you have a winner. I hope this bf ends up being "the one" Star. Thanks. Me too.
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