Occu3.14'd Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 It's been 14 days of NC, and I am just as ****ing miserable as I was on day one. I'm so sick of not being able to go 10 seconds without thinking about her. I've been trying so hard to keep my mind occupied, but nothing seems to be working. And the worst part is, the only time I have any relief is when I think about the future. There is still that tiny ****ing glimmer of hope that someday in the future, things will work out. I am sick of it. I've found that hope is actually the most insidious and evil thing there is. Which is why I think I have to contact her. It's been three weeks since **** hit the fan, and I know she's going to her third counseling session tonight. I would imagine that she has done a lot of reflecting during our two weeks of NC. Now I want to talk to her and hear her tell me that it didn't mean a ****ing thing. That it was all a crutch because she needed something to make her happy. That when she told me she loved me two weeks prior, it was because she was caught up in the moment - not because she actually did. I want to hear her tell me that there is no "us" in the next month, six months, year, or ever. And if and when she does tell me these things, what do I really have to lose? I already feel more depressed, miserable, and lost than I ever have in my entire life, so what the **** difference does it make if she just throws more gas on the fire. I need a reason to hate her. I need to be able to stop wondering how in the hell she could just do this to me out of the blue. This totally, completely, absolutely ****ing sucks, and I really feel like at this point I have nothing to lose.
weallfalldown Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 you can go lower....believe me...so fookin leave it there dude!!!!!! Stay NC 1
Author Occu3.14'd Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 you can go lower....believe me...so fookin leave it there dude!!!!!! Stay NC How? What's the worst that happens? She tells me it was all a lie. Then it sucks worse for a week, but at least I have something concrete to go on that there is no possibility of a future. We didn't drag anything out when we had the discussion. No games, no nothing. It was a complete and abrupt ending. The least she could do is tell me where I stand. I haven't called her up in tears begging to make things work. I haven't sent facebook messages or texts. Nothing. I understand that NC is the way to go, but all I want is some reasonable amount of closure.
weallfalldown Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 The fact is...there never really is any closure in life my friend, we just carry it with us, until it dissapears, or someone else appears!.....Just leave her to rott in her life...... 1
k100danny Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 The thing is you don't actually want her to tell you those things do you? you don't want her to say I don't love you, or there is no us in the future. you want her not to say it so you have some hope that it might work out, well my friend you are in for a shock. Trust me if she says those things to you it will rip you to ****ing pieces, if she doesn't you get false hope that it might work out ok (probably wont) It is very hard to stay NC but don't use these things as an excuse, saying you NEED to hear it for closure ect. you don't NEED anything, your relationship is over and the reason doesn't matter. Th fact is your ex ended things and this is enough for you to move on so don't use those other things as an excuse to get in touch because the relief you get when you do will be short lived trust me. I asked a similar thing of my ex and did not get a reply to it, I knew I didn't actually want to hear those things and i was just grasping at things. I have now been NC for 18 days around 22 since i heard from her then i sent her my final message and blocked her. I realised that nothing matters except that she wasn't happy in the relationship anymore and that is enough of a reason to never contact her again unless in the future i feel i would like to still be friends. 2
Author Occu3.14'd Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I appreciate the help everyone. For whatever reason, this is really getting to me today. I've done so well by not contacting her, but I just feel so distraught over it for some reason. I think the relentless thoughts and misery are just getting to me. I've always been a strong person who kept his guard up. The first time I let it down and fall for this person, I end up getting destroyed. I'm so overwhelmed by it all. I'm actually pissed at myself for letting this get to me like it has. I never thought I'd be in this position in my entire life. Ever. Maybe I needed to vent. I won't contact her. As unbelievably difficult as that seems, I'll just tell myself not to do it. I really appreciate the help.
Author Occu3.14'd Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 The thing is you don't actually want her to tell you those things do you? you don't want her to say I don't love you, or there is no us in the future. you want her not to say it so you have some hope that it might work out, well my friend you are in for a shock. Trust me if she says those things to you it will rip you to ****ing pieces, if she doesn't you get false hope that it might work out ok (probably wont) I just sat back and laughed... Because you're 100% right.
weallfalldown Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 these were my last words 3 months ago........... somewhere over the rainbow sky's are blue..... I HOPE YOU HAPPY JJ end of.............nothing nasty, no questions.....just simple ! do the same and leave it.....nothing else can be accomplished. \just wish her well
Dblock10 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 i think its important to destroy hope in order to gain some grounding in your mind when to move on and just forget it. so id recommend you do contact her, but know that in the future you may regret doing so. so do what is right for you. i think its easier to get everything out the way and then continue with life
zanzi Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I hope you didn't do it. Resist it the most when your urges are the strongest and you will not regret exerting that strength. otherwise you will be back on LS posting about the new painful things she's said to you and looking for consolidation.
steveblack Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Closure comes from within. Abrupt ending for me too. Initially was emotional when it happened, but haven't contacted her for over a month until two days ago. A lot of people here will say NC all the way. I don't necessarily agree. I do believe you should have time to go through this roller coaster of emotions, but seriously every week you get stronger and more level headed. See my thread about my letter. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/338452-well-i-did-letter-after-breakup-dont-really-regret Not saying this is right for everyone, but it has worked for me... for now....
betterdeal Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 i think its important to destroy hope in order to gain some grounding in your mind when to move on and just forget it. so id recommend you do contact her, but know that in the future you may regret doing so. so do what is right for you. i think its easier to get everything out the way and then continue with life It's your hope, going on in your head. You're the person in charge of your head, so you are are the person that can choose to stop hoping to get back together. Sure, you can pester them and prod them and push them to be even more nasty to you, and they may well respond in exactly the way you intend for them to, but by doing so you are still expecting them to take responsibility for what goes on in your head. They aren't going to be there for you forever. They aren't there for you now. Accept responsibility for your own mind, and accept that it hurts that you have split up, and you will be on the road to recovery much quicker. You have to start taking care of yourself, especially now, and that means in every way from eating well to sleeping well to exercising, to forgiving yourself and having empathy for yourself. It hurts, like Hell, but you will recover, and you can learn and grow from this experience. This is about you, not them.
Cl0udy Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Don't trust me!!!!!!!! Stay strong they always come back.
goodbyesunshine Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I appreciate the help everyone. For whatever reason, this is really getting to me today. I've done so well by not contacting her, but I just feel so distraught over it for some reason. I think the relentless thoughts and misery are just getting to me. I've always been a strong person who kept his guard up. The first time I let it down and fall for this person, I end up getting destroyed. I'm so overwhelmed by it all. I'm actually pissed at myself for letting this get to me like it has. I never thought I'd be in this position in my entire life. Ever. Maybe I needed to vent. I won't contact her. As unbelievably difficult as that seems, I'll just tell myself not to do it. I really appreciate the help. No closure for me either - the last thing he ever told me is "I need time to think about all these". No reason, no explanations, he disappeared from my life. No reply to my messages when I was still stupid enough to send them. No picking up of my calls. Denied all of my attempts to meet up and either work it out or break up. I think sometimes they just want to leave things hanging there and eventually fade away or come back to haunt us. Thankfully I have family and friends who tell me if I ever text him again they will murder me. I think you need us to tell you that. Don't do it. Because you might think you hit rock bottom but there's always a new low. I'm on my 11th day NC (not counting the 2 weeks of cold, distant behaviour) and sometimes it feels as bad as day 1. I just pick up the phone and I want so bad to ask "WHY? WTF DUDE? WHAT HAVE I DONE?" But no. Deep deep deep down I know if he doesn't contact, it's because he honestly, sincerely doesn't give a f*** about me. So stay strong and don't do it. Vent it here, say everything you want but just don't hit the message button!
goodbyesunshine Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Also I think hope might not be such a bad thing. Even now I'm hoping he will come back. I'm hoping we can talk it out. I'm hoping there is a future for us. But then in hope we must have rationality. We must know that whatever they have done is not right, and they need to change some serious sh*t around here if they wanna come back. And rationality in knowing that we have done our best, gave it our best shot, but they screwed it up. Our only real hope now is for them to fix their sh*t and when they come back, we can decide if we really want this. But meanwhile we move on (easy to say, I know). Just hang in there and hope for the best, whatever it may be!
weallfalldown Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Also I think hope might not be such a bad thing. Even now I'm hoping he will come back. I'm hoping we can talk it out. I'm hoping there is a future for us. But then in hope we must have rationality. We must know that whatever they have done is not right, and they need to change some serious sh*t around here if they wanna come back. And rationality in knowing that we have done our best, gave it our best shot, but they screwed it up. Our only real hope now is for them to fix their sh*t and when they come back, we can decide if we really want this. But meanwhile we move on (easy to say, I know). Just hang in there and hope for the best, whatever it may be! every time i hear this it makes me laugh!....so you get back together?...then all the **** gets dragged back up, like who did you see when we were apart, who's she who's he blah blah......it ended so leave it there.......it will only go back to the way it was, because your both still the same people!!!
goodbyesunshine Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 every time i hear this it makes me laugh!....so you get back together?...then all the **** gets dragged back up, like who did you see when we were apart, who's she who's he blah blah......it ended so leave it there.......it will only go back to the way it was, because your both still the same people!!! Different people have different reasons for breaking up/ taking a break. If someone he/she loved died causing unhappiness, or he/she loses a job, or gets depressed over some stress, taking a break is not necessarily unforgivable. On my part I know my ex's job is a big issue, and if he can get over it, I'm willing to try it out again even we are "both still the same people". And this break made me realise I have to look past my own bitterness about him taking this break in the first place, and yes there will be issues to work out and compromises to make but I'll be willing give it a go. I don't know about your case, but certainly if you are not comfortable with getting back, if there was too much unhappiness in the relationship, then stay away. I'm not dictating anyone's actions. At least understand that not everyone's case is the same.
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