Lindseee Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Hi everyone, I'm new. I'm sorry this is so long, but I have a question about this guy I've been seeing for about the past 6 weeks. We're both in our late 20's, and he is in his last year of residency so he's VERY busy. Every time we've gone out, we've had a great time. We keep in contact via text, though not every day. I met many of his friends and co-workers, a couple of which said they had "heard a lot about me" when I was introduced. We got into a conversation via text where I said I know I can be hard to read. He said he could see that, and that he's used to girls being the aggressive ones as far as getting into relationships, so I need to bear with him as this is new to him as well. Long story short, he came over the other night around 7:30, stayed until 1:30 putting off a bunch of work he had to do, just to spend time with me. When he was leaving we kissed for 5 minutes or so. I didn't hear from him for a few days after that, so I sent him a quick text last night saying I hoped he had a good weekend. He responded almost immediately, asked how mine was and wished me sweet dreams because I said I was going to bed. I understand that his hours at work are ridiculous and that I probably won't hear from him every day, so that's not a big deal. He told me a few weeks ago that he could see himself in a relationship with me once he got to know me better but I'm just not sure where I stand with him now. For some reason I've felt a little bit of distance the past week or so. I'm not sure if there's something to it, or if it's just me being insecure. My question is this: after 6 weeks, do I need to step it up? Or is he just not that into me? Should I be more flirtatious and direct with him? I'm used to the guy being the leader in that sense, but is it time for me to take the reins and tell him I'm interested in more?
Vintage79 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Why do you think there is distance forming between you? Are you hoping to get something from this person that you're not currently getting? After 6 weeks, there's no harm in ramping things up a bit, although I'd do it on the slower side, so you don't spook him. He basically told you that he has historically preferred that women be the aggressor in the relationship, if you want a relationship, try to make him a bit more comfortable with it, and be a bit more aggressive...he's told you want he has typically liked/wanted, it doesn't sound like you're currently giving it all to him. If you're terrified about being even a mild aggressor, there's a strong chance that there's an incompatibility. I am frequently very busy, and I do know that it is a whole lot easier to get into a relationship with someone who shows a lot of interest/effort. If the person is more passive, non-chalant, and you only have a few extra hours a week, you don't want to spend it wondering if the person wants to go out - you just want to go out. Without the person being present on your mind, it's too easy just to go out with the buddies from work, or something similar...
Author Lindseee Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Why do you think there is distance forming between you? Are you hoping to get something from this person that you're not currently getting? You know, I guess I'd just like to feel like we're moving forward. Maybe it's just my paranoia, and we've gone a few days without communication before, but this time seems different. It could be because I'm used to the guy pursuing more heavily. When I told him that I'm not usually the aggressor, he told me he would push a little bit harder. Which he did on Thursday night, which now that I think about it, means perhaps I should push a little harder too? I know it's not a one-way street, but the radio silence for a couple days afterward made me uncomfortable. Maybe it's time I put my big girl pants on and talk (well, text) with him tonight about what's going on? Thanks for your reply!
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