zanzi Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) if I'm really not in love with my ex, and just attatched to him...well I dont know if I love him after weeks of this pain. But I do know that If he gave me an indication that he wanted to make things work, I would definately want that too. What is love, is it giving them up? I have for the most part given up, I am in a dignified silence now. Thinking about me, what I really want and need. Why it didnt work out. What I did that contributed to that. What I will do differently in the future. Not in a beating myself up way, more in a reflective way. Ive been doing proper NC for a week and a day. It gets easier sometimes and then it gets hard again. I feel like I am pushing a large stone uphill. Its been a while since Ive gone through this obbsessive phase that the dumped go through. Today has been the worst, in between uni Ive been all over the internet and LS. Last night was pretty bad too. I went back to an old fwb to try and literally f*ck the pain away. Of course, this just made me miss ex. Why did ex give me up forever? Why doesnt ex ever want to see me again, that what I was thinking. If this man can see that Im beautiful and desirable and tells me it regularly even though we are just crude "buddies", why did ex stop seeing this about me? When did ex stop wanting to marry me? Was it that night, during The argument. Weren't we supposed to be the ones each otehr could trust and turn to? When did ex stop being in love with me? Why did he delete all our pictures, what changed? Until I stop caring that question is gonna f*ck me off. What changed so much? Him, maybe...Me. I dont know. a poem about it. Just ways of working through the pain and unhealthy obbsession. The shattered box I hold you in the cool darkness, In the morning I turn to meet the face of the sun, And kiss his lips, My world is all that you have, What you are, You led my heart astray, And abandoned me there in a cold wilderness, Unapologetically, Grief ambushed all the my senses, And I found a ledge, The first ledge I could find, ]And I cried out the nature of my ailment, And I jumped, And after I had jumped they heard my lasts words, My final complaint before my final days were served upon this earth, “ Foolishly, I fell in love!” Edited July 30, 2012 by zanzi
Ruby65 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Give yourself more time to heal. A week NC is really great -- just imagine how much better you're going to be feeling a few months from now! For now, though, it's not going to be easy or feel right -- some days it will hurt you more, other days you'll feel completely over him. This is how it is for everyone in the beginning. There's really no quick fix. You just have to stick to NC and keep going through it until it eventually starts to feel better. As to whether it was love or attachment.... or why his feelings suddenly changed.... the answers to these questions will seem less important to you over time as well. To HELL with him. Right now the focus is on YOU.
Recommended Posts