Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I felt that way too. I suffered watching my ex slowly drift towards someone else, feeling so lonely and cut off. When we finally split, I hung out with people who truly cared about me. My friends have made sure that not one whole day goes by with me feeling lonely. Yes, there are times. But I feel less lonely now than I did with her... It's funny. When we were together, she kept wanting to hang out with him because "he was so lonely." ... and yet, she neglected her OWN PARTNER, who was suffering from loneliness due to her actions. People like this need a lot of help. I feel lonely because I am, our relationship has been so tumultuous, he has isolated me from my family and my friends... and I'm out here for school, but I don't know anyone here, literally I know him and my hair dresser and that's it... so at least with regards to physical proximity to friends I am alone...I wish I had a group of friends around to just sit with and talk to each night... before I moved for school I had a great group of girlfriends and whenever one of us had a break up we'd all pinch in and buy nice champagne and just sit and talk, we'd talk about the relationship until the person got tired of talking about it, and then we'd talk about anything and anyone else...
ihateslowjams Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 hahahaha... "you're thread is getting more and more... you know... wrong" that literally made me giggle... I like your bluntness... and I am so incredibly touched that someone I don't even know would stay up with me tonight... you have no idea how much it means... whatever else is going on in your life please know that you made a huge difference in mine tonight GOOD! Now follow our advice and cut all forms of contact. I'm going to bed, I have a test tomorrow at 8am -_- Don't talk to him ever again, he's not worth it
SeventhFloor Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 hahahaha... "you're thread is getting more and more... you know... wrong" that literally made me giggle... I like your bluntness... and I am so incredibly touched that someone I don't even know would stay up with me tonight... you have no idea how much it means... whatever else is going on in your life please know that you made a huge difference in mine tonight Good Giggle more. It's because we've been through the same situation here, we're just further into it. That's why we're so willing to stay up and work through your rant with you; because we don't want you to make the same mistakes we did and feel the same pain we experienced. That's why we sound so sure in what we say you should do. It's the combined collective knowledge of experience we've absorbed through our time on LS. Good night, slow jams.
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 okay... I'm going to take a shower... its 6 am where he is... so either he is with someone else in her hotel room/his hotel room... or he's in his room and had ample opportunity to replay the night and decided not to talk to me, or was so drunk he just passed out... either way... he's not going to call... so I'm going to take a shower... it's strange that the smell of my own long hair is making me miss him, because he always talks about how much he loves the way I smell... I've got some stupid travel bottles of shampoo so I won't smell like me tonight... and then I'll be back here... by then I'll have passed the two hour mark... which is a start, anyway.... maybe if I just view this one hour at a time... sooner or later maybe I'll fall asleep.... that will take a few hours, and then tomorrow... I'll do laundry, I'll work out twice, and maybe take my dog on a hike... I'll call my hairdresser and see if she wants to go to dinner.... I'll figure it out, in the meantime I wish he'd call... his no contact is adding insult to my injury... like he doesn't have any regrets about how it played out tonight... maybe if I do call him it will be harder on him... call him crying reminding him that he did hurt me... but it won't, because he doesn't care for my feelings... and obviously he'll stop at nothing to get me to back off...
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 GOOD! Now follow our advice and cut all forms of contact. I'm going to bed, I have a test tomorrow at 8am -_- Don't talk to him ever again, he's not worth it Oh my stars slow jams... you stayed up for me on an exam night!? seriously rock your exams.... you deserve it purely for being kind to a stranger....
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 okay... next step... deep breath then shower....
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 uuugggghhhh I just checked my phone again.... seriously... I am hopeless...
SeventhFloor Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 It will NOT do better to contact him to show him how upset you are. He will lose respect for you and view you as pathetic. He will be justified in his vindictiveness, and you will feed his ego. He will think what he did was RIGHT! DO NOT CONTACT HIM EVER. Slow Jams did NOT stay up all night, with a test looming in only a couple of hours, for you to completely disregard all the advice he has given you. Same with me. Same with everyone else. If you're not going to do it for YOU, then do it for US (who in turn, are really only wishing it FOR YOUR SAKE): DO NOT CONTACT HIM! DO NOT ANSWER WHEN HE CONTACTS YOU! It will only cause you more pain. You're feeling a tiny bit better now, right? Would you like to go back to 2 hours ago, only stay at it for the next week? Seriously.
stillafool Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 This guy obviously has no respect whatsoever for you and the relationship. What guy who wants a girl acts like him? You have to decide you are worth more than he is giving. If you keep chasing him to make him act the way you want him to it's never going to happen. He will just keep cheating and stringing you along until a girl who demands respect comes along. For your own good stop all contact with him.
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 you're right..... shower is over... I feel better... I've started this exercise recently where every time I look in the mirror I make it a point to find things I like about myself... to sort of rebuild my self-esteem... anyway, I did that just now, but it was hard.. I realize that in the past few days I've really let what he likes about me become what I like about me... it's crazy how in my head this guy is... so that was good.. I'm clean, although more awake which is a downside... in the shower I kept catching myself running through what our conversation tomorrow might be like... a conversation that shouldn't happen, a conversation that I shouldn't want to happen, but the majority of me is just hoping that this is all a nightmare and will resolve itself in the morning... This is effed beyond all measure, but I'm going to be even more devastated if he doesn't come down here tomorrow night... I thought about going out to dinner, but if I'm not here, then he'll think I'm out doing what he did and further justify himself... if I'm here and he doesn't come it'll own me... you're right I don't want to keep reliving these nightmares he creates for me... but that self-protective instinct is so weak... it feels miniature next to my overwhelming desire for this to all just blow over...
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 This guy obviously has no respect whatsoever for you and the relationship. What guy who wants a girl acts like him? You have to decide you are worth more than he is giving. If you keep chasing him to make him act the way you want him to it's never going to happen. He will just keep cheating and stringing you along until a girl who demands respect comes along. For your own good stop all contact with him. I appreciate the support I really do... but can we refrain from talking about other girls coming along... for heaven's sake he sent me an in real time picture of himself kissing another girl.... I think I get it that there are other girls around....
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 just checked my phone again.... two and a half hours... he's really done... he's never held out this long ever... every time we've ever fought over the phone he's always caved earlier than this... how is that possible... I mean that he can just shut it off like that and I'm here all hung up on him... shouldn't it be the other way around... or shouldn't I at least be able to shut off too...
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Ok.... so I'm feeling like... will he really, really think less of me if I call? I know it would boost his ego, and heaven knows he doesn't need that, but wouldn't it also show that I was committed... I mean I know he has abandonment issues... wouldn't it prove my worth if I didn't bail when anyone else would... So it seems effed up to even write that out so I'm sure it is effed up... and I won't do it, at least not tonight, because of those of you who stayed up with me... tomorrow is unfortunately a new day.... if he doesn't contact me I will be absolutely crushed....
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 three hours... I really want to call... I wish I was asleep... I'm sure he is.... how can he sleep... no guilty conscience... no wondering how I am? in four and a half hours he'll be getting up and heading out for the return trip here... will he call first thing in the morning? or is he really done... how unfair is it that he can be absolutely awful to me, and then end it.... three hours ago his lips, those lips, the lips that were on mine this morning, were on someone else... and he sent me a picture of it with the intention of cruelly wounding me... three hours of torment and torture and no sleep... and he's not reaching out to contact me on top of that....
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 four and a half hours... since my heart sank, and the rug was ripped out from underneath me... four and a half hours since he sent me a picture of himself kissing another girl in the middle of a fight.... he's got to be getting close to getting up for work... is he asleep... did he sleep... is he thinking of me... or thinking that dumb b I sure showed her.... I know he's convinced himself he did the right thing... he's not thinking of me... and all I can think of is him... fitful sleep, no real rest... and all I want is to talk to him... gonna roll over and try to sleep some more, hoping that I'll stop obsessively checking my phone for contact....
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 he contacted me... "you have nothing more to say" "No excuses but I am sorry... I was so drunk. And I said something that I can't take back and that I didn't mean to say And for that I am deeply sorry." My reply "you said something or did something?" nothing back from him yet.....pretty weak apology... typical... that will be his full moment of regret... if it was even genuine regret....
Scott68 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 He is a douche bag please leave him. It will never end if you stay he WILL do this again & again. If you leave now the pain will be brutal but it will end if you stay he will kill you inside each and every day.
theskyisblue Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Hey sendme how are you doing - did you get any sleep? Just wanted to say be strong and don't let somebody do this to you. Your messages shows much much this has hurt you and you don't deserve that. How do you feel about that message? Have you got things to do to keep you busy?
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 he called we talked... he doesn't seem sorry, I mean he's saying sorry, but he keeps saying if you did this to me I would never speak to you again, why are you talking to me... I think he wanted to be done with me for good... up until the point he went out and found a woman to kiss it was just another nasty fight... but he put the nail in the coffin... I don't get it... I don't know why... and I hate it that now that he's called I've finally been able to sleep a little... I should be able to sleep whether or not he calls... I should be able to hold my head high and move forward regardless of what he does....
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I told him that if he wants out then to say it, but that if wants to make this work then he should be going to great lengths to show it... he just seems numb... and shocked that I'm not screaming and yelling and furious... I used to scream and yell, but I refuse to let his actions bring that out in me anymore...
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Hey sendme how are you doing - did you get any sleep? Just wanted to say be strong and don't let somebody do this to you. Your messages shows much much this has hurt you and you don't deserve that. How do you feel about that message? Have you got things to do to keep you busy? Hi sky is blue, unfortunately I don't have anything real to keep my busy... school doesn't start until later this week... I'm a full time student so I don't have a job, and I don't know anyone in the area, except for him... so I don't really have anything, just sitting around waiting for him to communicate with me... I'll probably run/work out, and maybe take my dog for a hike, so that'll take up like oh... two hours of the day... but yeah it's going to be along haul... I wish I was in school so I had somewhere to go, but I'm glad I have a few days for this to settle, to settle a little either in or out, before I have to try to focus on class... I've been thinking about trying to transfer, it's incredibly hard to do at my level of education, but I'm going to talk to my advisor about it, maybe I'll see if I can get it to see my advisor today.... if I can get some distance, not have this creep living right next door, then it will hurt but there won't be any going back, because he won't do a long distance relationship....
theskyisblue Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 You're doing well by just getting out of the house. I should take my own advice really - when I feel like things are a struggle (and I really do feel like that) getting out and changing the scenery is so helpful. Just walking means you have to concentrate on something other than the thoughts in your head. I was told not to make any important decisions when I was emotional. It makes sense because when my ex gf dumped me all I could think about was getting out of this city. Literally dropping stuff and going. Why bother being here if I'm not with her. I stayed at my job though, and didn't leave the city and am starting to feel like I could make a better decision. What I guess I'm trying to say is talk to your advisor and see what your options are but do what is best for you, maybe when you've had a rest and chatted to friends and family about it as well.
KatZee Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 even if he's not cheating... why would you treat someone who is giving you a second chance with such little regard? Did you FIND OUT or did he CONFESS? There is a huge difference here. If you found out, he's treating you with such little regard because he does not respect you. A guy that cheats, does not respect. Especially since you went and and gave him that second chance... your respect meter just dropped SIGNIFICANTLY. He cheats, he gets away with it. That's what he's learned here. this is absolutely insane... I'm sitting here going crazy, I want to scream at him, to make him see that I am amazing and deserve better.... and yet I'm trying so hard not to freak out on him.... It is insanity and don't expect the "insane" mentality to go away anytime soon. I forgave my cheater. It was insanity up until the end. The only way he's going to "get it" that you are amazing and deserve better is if you walk away. how do I walk away... I really want to work things out with him... whats the matter with me I should just be DONE.... ugggghhh someone please give me there strength so I can get this jerk out of my life FOREVER!!! You just do. Despite how hard it is, you just do. You say, "I'm done." You've ruined us, and there's no going back to what we were. Or you can do what I did, which was forgive and give him a second chance, only to be dragged through hell for the next 9 months. Always paranoid what he was doing. Always wanting to check his phone. If he was texting I wanted to know who it was. The trust was GONE and no matter how much I wanted to make it work, to fix it, to go back and be happy again... that just wasn't reality. The only way, and I mean ONLY way things are going to work out with this guy, is if you both get into counseling. But why even bother? You're not married to this guy. There are no kids. This is the universe's way of saying, "YOU DESERVE BETTER AND BETTER IS OUT THERE." You're the one that needs to take the next step. Not him.
KatZee Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 three hours... I really want to call... I wish I was asleep... I'm sure he is.... how can he sleep... no guilty conscience... no wondering how I am? in four and a half hours he'll be getting up and heading out for the return trip here... will he call first thing in the morning? or is he really done... how unfair is it that he can be absolutely awful to me, and then end it.... three hours ago his lips, those lips, the lips that were on mine this morning, were on someone else... and he sent me a picture of it with the intention of cruelly wounding me... three hours of torment and torture and no sleep... and he's not reaching out to contact me on top of that.... This guy is cruel and callous. He doesn't love you. The guy who is right for you will protect you from that metaphorical knife. Not stab you in the back with it. Stop holding out for some sort of contact from him! He's toxic! He's disrespectful and he's not for you. You don't deserve this.
KatZee Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I told him that if he wants out then to say it, but that if wants to make this work then he should be going to great lengths to show it... he just seems numb... and shocked that I'm not screaming and yelling and furious... I used to scream and yell, but I refuse to let his actions bring that out in me anymore... He's not numb. He just doesn't want to make it work. He made a very clear series of decisions to intentionally hurt you, and then said, "If you did this to me I'd never speak to you again!" <--- Hint. He's a coward. He's a little boy. There's nothing to make work here. It's over. This is ultimately what he wanted. But instead of owning up to things and ending it like an adult, he pulled this.
Recommended Posts