zanzi Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 dont call. Sleep. rest, recover. Breathe. Disconnect the phone if you have to. Hide it in a drawer if you must.
ihateslowjams Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 how do I do this.... how do I not call... I agree letting him know he hurt me will only feed his ego... although of course he already knows he hurt me... anyone would be able to figure that out.... Man... its 2 am here too, and i gotta go to bed. by the time i wake up tomorrow, you better not have contacted him anymore!!! -_- 1
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 how screwed up is it that I want him to comfort me.... to just tell me it's not what it is.... there's been nothing for 45 minutes... I'm sure he's with another woman... and I'm lying here heartbroken... how can he not feel sick to his stomach... how can he not know that I'm hurting... how can he not care... How do i not reach out to him... Lord I wish I had a valium....
SeventhFloor Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Get up. Get out. Take a walk around the neighborhood. That is what I did the night my ex was sleeping with another guy. It helped just to keep my feet moving, doing something, wearing out and exhausting my body to the point where I had to pass out (I couldn't sleep). Don't take your phone...just do something so that your body gets so exhausted you will pass out, because right now your mind won't let you. Please be gentle to yourself.
zanzi Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 or you could do that. Anything involving not phoning...
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 thank you both zanzi and ihateslowjams.... I don't know what I would do if I wasn't on this forum... I know I shouldn't contact him... I've done so well at not letting him control how I feel... it's why he went to such an extreme... he couldn't handle not having the control over me... not being able to bend and break and mold me to his will... working out isn't a bad idea... except I've already been working out like crazy since I found out he cheated... running myself to exhaustion is the only way I can get out of my head sometimes... I've already lost 6 pounds in the two weeks since I found out about his cheating... maybe I will though... go to the fitness center in my apartment and just hit the elliptical.... even slowly.... just something to get out of this place... now I'm paranoid though... we live in the same apartment complex... if this is what he'll do to make it hard long distance what is he going to do tomorrow night, wed and thurs are his nights off... what is going to happen then? it's part of the reason I can't stay away from him... living so close I see his car or don't see it and it gets under my skin and owns me.... How could someone be so cruel? and he's so awful I know he doesn't have any remorse.... he's convinced himself that somehow I deserved it... or that it was ok since I said if he wanted to act like a single man then there was nothing left between us....
SeventhFloor Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 If you must talk to him, wouldnt it be better to do it in the morning? once you have slept and can talk more rationally and calmly to each other? I'm sorry, but I absolutely disagree. Something like this is going to hurt, and it's not going to stop hurting overnight. If she was to ever talk to him, it would have to be at least a few days, if not weeks, and even that's too short of a time. How would that morning conversation go? "Last night - was that real? Did you spend the night with someone else?" If you really WANTED to talk to him, then I'd say set a timetable for a MONTH. You are better off never, ever talking to him again, ever. Never. Ever! Seriously! NEVER! That is IT! This guy is horrid! For your own sake, don't EVER talk to him again!
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 he hasn't even said anything.... literally his last message to me was and another ten minutes for another girl to tell me how lucky she was to be kissing me - with a picture of him kissing another girl How do you do that? just turn off your human decency like that?
zanzi Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 yes I agree with you seventh floor. I was trying to coax her into going to sleep instead of calling him. I dont think you should ever talk to him again. But you will indeed want to if you live so near. Best to avoid him at all costs. I know this is easier said then done, which was why I suggested sleeping on it.
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I should go work out, but I just feel like I want to talk to someone.... how is this really happening?
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 no way can I sleep right now... my central nervous system is way to worked up... I'm trying to keep the hysteria at bay by being glued to this forum.... I'm afraid if I lie down or turn off the lights that I'll just be completely owned by how I feel and I'll cave in and call him.... eff this... he should be calling me, begging, groveling, telling me how disgusted he is with himself.... but he won't... not tonight not ever, it will forever and always be my fault... he's never to blame
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I keep obsessively checking my phone... I'm not sure what I expect... to see... but I'm getting nothing... radio silence... how is it that he is so terrible to me and I'm desperate to hear from him, but he could absolutely just cut me off like that... apparently what he's really wanted is an out, but I don't understand... if he really wanted an out, why agree to go to therapy... as in we actually went last week, and he said he liked it and would go again.... why do that, if you want an out?
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I am dying to just call his room... did he take her back there? we had the most amazing time sleeping together last night, after all the cheating he did... I let my guard down, I wanted to love him again, I wanted things to be better.... why didn't he? How could you possibly do that, swear up and down that you truly love someone... hold them be with them, enjoy them, and then crush them so viscously.... to do it this way... I mean to literally send me real time photos of him with someone else... that is crafted for maximum impact... even if it was in a moment of his extraordinary rage... what part of your human nature are you missing to be so completely devastatingly cruel? what part of my human nature is missing that I would love someone capable of such cruelty.... That even now I would want to turn back to him for comfort and reassurance... I'm hurting because he wanted me to hurt... I'm hurting because he wanted me to be in THIS PAIN... THIS particular gut wrenching agony... who would ever wish this on anyone... I wouldn't want this for my worst enemy... Actually I take that back, I want this for him... I want someone in his future to pay him back in kind... for him to finally let his guard down and fall hopelessly recklessly in love, and then to have them repay him exactly as he did me... Oh Karma... please be real... be my defender
SeventhFloor Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) Yeah, I went through the same thing. Still going through it. You are not alone. TURN OFF YOUR GOD DAMN PHONE I mean that in a kind way. It won't help to be glued to your phone for hours, because nothing good will come of it... Edited July 30, 2012 by SeventhFloor
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 It's been an hour... one hour since he rubbed my nose in his indiscretion... he's said nothing to me... is it eating away at him like it is eating away at me? I hope against all hope that he is hurting too.... that I'm not alone in this horrid agony... that some small part of him has empathy and can feel pain.... I wonder what he'll think when he opens his eyes in the morning... will he open them with her? will he regret it? I bet not... before this incident I told him that one day he might realize that he won't easily find someone else like me, someone who loves him and accepts him for his faults... he did this to prove to me that I'm replaceable... but picking up a cheap woman in a bar doesn't replace a woman who really loves you... I bet he justifies it... I bet he thinks "I showed her, that stupid -insert whichever demeaning term you want- I can replace her in under ten minutes" I hope he feels guilty someday, that his guilt owns him the way this heartache is going to own me... that it defines him and eats away at him... that every girl he's with after me won't compare to me... that even if he wants to be done with me and done with feeling for me, that I'll be there some unattainable thing... that as time goes by he'll forget my flaws and only focus on my good qualities.... But he won't, he won't feel guilty... anyone who could do this to someone else is not capable of normal human shame, or guilty, or empathy... maybe he'll feel loss, but the mere act of feeling anything will drive him to distraction, so he'll push the feelings away...
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Yeah, I went through the same thing. Still going through it. You are not alone. TURN OFF YOUR GOD DAMN PHONE I mean that in a kind way. It won't help to be glued to your phone for hours, because nothing good will come of it... Thank you seventh floor... it helps to know someone somewhere is up and hearing me... it really does... something about blabbing it and letting it out now helps... it's not owning me as much as it might have otherwise, although I am absolutely terrified for the time when everyone does sign off... and then its me and my phone and my thoughts....
ihateslowjams Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 It's been an hour... one hour since he rubbed my nose in his indiscretion... he's said nothing to me... is it eating away at him like it is eating away at me? I hope against all hope that he is hurting too.... that I'm not alone in this horrid agony... that some small part of him has empathy and can feel pain.... I wonder what he'll think when he opens his eyes in the morning... will he open them with her? will he regret it? I bet not... before this incident I told him that one day he might realize that he won't easily find someone else like me, someone who loves him and accepts him for his faults... he did this to prove to me that I'm replaceable... but picking up a cheap woman in a bar doesn't replace a woman who really loves you... I bet he justifies it... I bet he thinks "I showed her, that stupid -insert whichever demeaning term you want- I can replace her in under ten minutes" I hope he feels guilty someday, that his guilt owns him the way this heartache is going to own me... that it defines him and eats away at him... that every girl he's with after me won't compare to me... that even if he wants to be done with me and done with feeling for me, that I'll be there some unattainable thing... that as time goes by he'll forget my flaws and only focus on my good qualities.... But he won't, he won't feel guilty... anyone who could do this to someone else is not capable of normal human shame, or guilty, or empathy... maybe he'll feel loss, but the mere act of feeling anything will drive him to distraction, so he'll push the feelings away... It really doesn't matter anymore what he'll be thinking tonight, tomorrow, or 10 years down the line. HES NOT WORTH YOURE BRAIN CELLS. So please maintain your mental capacity and don't waste any of it on thoughts of him. You have to take care of yourself because honestly speaking, true happiness comes from within, not from anyone else. PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR PHONE AND CUT ALL CONTACT WITH HIM. he's nothing but trouble to you that must be removed from your life. trust me, it may hurt now, but it'll do you wonders to get rid of him.
SeventhFloor Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I'm here. So are others that aren't responding. You're not being neglected; even when you sign off and go to sleep, there will be someone else in the world reading your situation, and really feeling for you. You can take comfort in that, and in the fact that all of us here have been through situations like yours. In my case, now that I think about it, my ex made me miserable. Even now, we're not together, she's off with the dude she left me for, in the most ****ed up way possible, and she's still making me miserable. No one person should have all that power. I wish she had done what your guy did to you. Then it would be so clear cut. One night, BAM, that's it! But no, my ex had to drag it out. Bouncing back and forth. Being all ****ed up in all of her interactions with me, and the way she was handling the situation. Leading me on, while ****ing this other dude. Telling me how she loved me, wanted to be with me, didn't like him, and then ****ing him again. No, you are MUCH better off THIS way. At least it's not your anniversary together - my ex and her new boyfriend share the same anniversary as my ex and I did. ****ing bitch. All this pain in one night is so much better than that same pain spread out for weeks. Put that into perspective. Thank your lucky stars you got rid of this crazy dude. THAT is the FIRST THING that someone said to me on this forum - "Thank your lucky stars you got rid of that crazy bitch!" I did NOT even GET IT until THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW! So thank you, for helping me see that.
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I don't feel lucky... I feel sad... and exhausted and terrified... I'm scared he's going to show up at my door tomorrow and want to talk it out, I'm scared I'll say yes... even worse, I'm scared he won't show up at my door... I'm scared this is it... and he's really done... I'm scared that since we live in the same apartment complex, that I'll see his car and know he's home and want to see him be with him, talk to him... we had such an amazing time last night, and such great conversations today... how did it fall so far so fast? I feel like he's been wanting to do it for a while or else he wouldn't have been able to just run out and do it... Thank you thank you thank you for reminding me I'm not alone... for the entire course of this crazy relationship I have felt so very alone....
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Almost two hours and still nothing... he is either with someone else... or back in his room... is he sleeping? screwing? thinking of me? I'm trying to figure out when he'll call it a night... trying to remember what time his flight was... trying to guess when I'll talk to him again... I really liked the counselor we saw together... I'd like to go see him again, but I can't afford it... I wonder if I email the counselor tomorrow if he'd set up a lower pay scale for me to go see him....
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I am literally sitting on my hands to not call him.... what am I proving to anyone by not calling... why won't he call... or text....
ihateslowjams Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I don't feel lucky... I feel sad... and exhausted and terrified... I'm scared he's going to show up at my door tomorrow and want to talk it out, I'm scared I'll say yes... even worse, I'm scared he won't show up at my door... I'm scared this is it... and he's really done... I'm scared that since we live in the same apartment complex, that I'll see his car and know he's home and want to see him be with him, talk to him... we had such an amazing time last night, and such great conversations today... how did it fall so far so fast? I feel like he's been wanting to do it for a while or else he wouldn't have been able to just run out and do it... Thank you thank you thank you for reminding me I'm not alone... for the entire course of this crazy relationship I have felt so very alone.... What I'm about to say, i mean it with the utmost respect to you and mean no harm. but... WHY TF WOULD YOU TAKE HIM BACK?!?!?!?! this shouldn't even be a question. it doesn't matter if he came back right now, DONT TAKE HIM BACK. don't even give him a damn ear. throw all his crap away right now, and don't even talk to him again. what he did is RIDICULOUS and WRONG. cmon... are you going to let him treat you like crap for the rest of your life? please, stand up for yourself and don't take him back. YOU DONT DESERVE THIS TREATMENT. go find a guy who will treat you with respect and will try to give you the world. trust me, those guys exist. forget about this douche and focus on yourself. I'm pretty damn tired and I want to go to bed, but you're thread is getting more and more.... you know... wrong and it makes me want to spout some of my 2 cents on the matter. PLEASE DONT EVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN. you don't deserve to be treated like crap. so don't settle
ihateslowjams Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I am literally sitting on my hands to not call him.... what am I proving to anyone by not calling... why won't he call... or text.... because he doesn't think you're worth it. doesn't that tell you he doesn't care about you? why would you want him to contact you anyways? even if he does apologize, this will haunt you FOREVER. so save yourself from future misery and LEAVE HIM!!!
SeventhFloor Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) I don't feel lucky... I feel sad... and exhausted and terrified... Yeah, that's how I felt the first time someone told me that. That was, probably, about two weeks ago, maybe more. Now that I've been involved in your situation, I can see why the first person said that to me. I'm scared he's going to show up at my door tomorrow and want to talk it out, I'm scared I'll say yes... I don't know what you're afraid of, but that's not it. From your other thread, I can definitively say that you are a very strong, smart person, and if you did not WANT to talk it out, then you would not. even worse, I'm scared he won't show up at my door... I'm scared this is it... and he's really done... You're better off. You don't need to see him. There's nothing he could say that would change anything at all. HE is not really done... YOU!!! are really done! This is just your attachment speaking. I'm scared that since we live in the same apartment complex, that I'll see his car and know he's home and want to see him be with him, talk to him... we had such an amazing time last night, and such great conversations today... how did it fall so far so fast? It happens. I can't explain it. I'm sorry. Don't go see him. Avoid him at all costs. I feel like he's been wanting to do it for a while or else he wouldn't have been able to just run out and do it... People who do this have something inherently wrong with them. It could stem from anything: relationship with parents, past romantic relationships, etc. This is something that takes years to fix, if they actually want to and try. It seems as though he is a very erratic and irrational person. I don't know him, but judging from what happened tonight and what has happened this past morning, it seems to be the case. The biggest issue, is that he just has no respect... FOR HIMSELF. I can also say this because THAT is EXACTLY what my ex put me through. She loved me in the morning. In the afternoon, she wanted to be with me. At night, she'd be in another guy's bed. The next morning? Rinse and repeat. She was erratic, and extremely irrational (although to her, her own thinking was perfectly rational at the time, mostly powdered with excuses such as, "I don't know.") Thank you thank you thank you for reminding me I'm not alone... for the entire course of this crazy relationship I have felt so very alone.... I felt that way too. I suffered watching my ex slowly drift towards someone else, feeling so lonely and cut off. When we finally split, I hung out with people who truly cared about me. My friends have made sure that not one whole day goes by with me feeling lonely. Yes, there are times. But I feel less lonely now than I did with her... It's funny. When we were together, she kept wanting to hang out with him because "he was so lonely." ... and yet, she neglected her OWN PARTNER, who was suffering from loneliness due to her actions. People like this need a lot of help. Edited July 30, 2012 by SeventhFloor
Author sendme Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 I'm pretty damn tired and I want to go to bed, but you're thread is getting more and more.... you know... wrong and it makes me want to spout some of my 2 cents on the matter. PLEASE DONT EVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN. you don't deserve to be treated like crap. so don't settle hahahaha... "you're thread is getting more and more... you know... wrong" that literally made me giggle... I like your bluntness... and I am so incredibly touched that someone I don't even know would stay up with me tonight... you have no idea how much it means... whatever else is going on in your life please know that you made a huge difference in mine tonight
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