Girl I Dated For Just Over a Year And I Split.

[aarongdl]

Just over a month ago, this girl I had been dating for over a year and I split up. We fought in the previous months. Argued. Over anything. We always but heads, it was just our nature. Anyways, one night, she leaves me a voicemail while I'm at work, saying I'm going to be disappointed in her. Well, we talk that night and I finally get her to tell me whats wrong.

 

She has been working her job for only a month or so, and tells me her and her manager kissed. I lose it. She says that it happened twice, and my heart sinks even more. I break up with her, because its killing me. I then get back with her after two days or so, as she is telling me how she made a mistake and she knows she screwed up. I know this girl. I knew it was sincere. Well, then she decides to leave me. She wants her space to do her own thing, seeing as before me she would jump from relationship to relationship and she hadn't been single in quite a few years.

 

Well, after a couple weeks, she essentially tells me that she slept with him. This hurt horribly. i lost it, and threatened to tell everyone as she is still a minor, and he is 25. I hate this, and myself. I can't hardly bear to type it without tearing up. We still fight and all, but she expects me to be over such a thing. She still says she loves me, we talk every night, but she wno't date me. I just really don't understand.

 

I wish I could explain the story a bit more but I'm still hurting, and thinking about it doesn't really help. I'm miserable without her, and she knows it. a couple nights ago she calls me up at about 1 in the morning and asks me to meet her at a church by my grandmas, so I do. We sit and talk for awhile, and a song comes on the radio, well she starts crying and lays her head in my arms. I hug her, kiss her on the forehead, and tell her its going to be ok.

 

I want nothing more than this girl. I don't wanna do better. I don't want anyone else. But whenever confronted about getting back together, she just says not now, she wants to be single and do her thing. (Flirt, smoke, etc) I got her to quit smoking, but since we split she has started up again. She says its hard going to bed at night knowing I'm not hers, but she knows I'm wrapped around her finger. I know I have flaws, I know I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but I tried to be. I've beent rying my hardest to just be normal when talking to her, but we always end the conversation in a fight now.

 

All I do is tihnk about her. I can't pass time without her anymore. I went and bought up a notebook, and the only thing that seems to calm me, is writing down whenever I think about her. Everytime she crosses my mind, I open the little notebook, and jot down what I'm thinking. I don't know what to do. I simply cant ignore her seeing as school starts in less than a month, and we'll have classes together. We still see each other on monday and tuesday.

 

I told her in the coming week or so, I would be asking her one last time, and if she denied me, I was gone for good. I wouldn't try anymore. She told me how it was unfair and selfish of me. I decided that on the 7th, my birthday, when I went to see her for a minute, I would ask her one last time. If she denied me, I would just tell her I loved her one last time, and go home, and that would be that. But I really don't know what to do or how to handle this at all.

 

Any help would beg reatly appreciated. If your gonna flame and say something along the lines of once a cheater always one, blah blah blah, get out and don't bother posting. Some people are worth fighting for, and giving a second chance.

[Canadian731]

You are still young, young and stupid. How do you believe that she loves you when she said she needs space an then goes and sleeps with another guy, as much as you think you need sympathy what you really need is a reality check, there are plenty more girls out there for you my friend, you will eventually find one who could never even fathom being with anyone but you and then you will be truly happy. In my personal opinion pack up and move on soldier, holding on to this relationship will only end up hurting you more.

[dannykeyz831]

You are still young, young and stupid. How do you believe that she loves you when she said she needs space an then goes and sleeps with another guy, as much as you think you need sympathy what you really need is a reality check, there are plenty more girls out there for you my friend, you will eventually find one who could never even fathom being with anyone but you and then you will be truly happy. In my personal opinion pack up and move on soldier, holding on to this relationship will only end up hurting you more.

 

Well said. She doesn't really love you man. Sorry to say that but no one in their right mind would kiss someone else while supposedly being in love with another person. She is just being a selfish biatch who doesn't know what she really wants. You said she jumps from relationship to relationship...what the hell does that tell you? Do you want to suffer? If yes then by all means continue being with her but if not then I suggest you dump her now before it gets way way too emotional. It will start affecting your whole life man..you don't need that right now. You're still young and like Canadian said, there are plenty of girls out there for you.

[SeventhFloor]

Listen bud. I know how it feels. We all do here. We've all gone through this. Let me share something with you.

 

"Once a cheater, always a cheater."

 

My ex? Cheated. SO remorseful. "I'll never do it again."

 

Cheated twice. "I'll never do it again."

 

Cheated three times. "I swear, this time, I will never do it again."

 

Can you guess where this is going? Yup, cheated again.

 

It's a personality flaw that takes years, and years of transformation to overcome. DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE. CUT YOUR LOSSES.

 

Have some god-damn-self-respect.

 

Want to get angry at me? You are more than welcome. Be furious with me, tell me I'm wrong, and then get back together with her. See you back here soon.

[aarongdl]

I'm not interested in talking to any other girls, to be honest. :/

 

Is it not worth trying to save? Should I do no contact, should I get my ring back? Or what?

[salmagundi]

It is not worth trying to save. You should definitely cut contact and get your ring back if that is important to you.

[aarongdl]

I can't seem to pull myself to just cut contact. She still calls every night and we talk. I don't know how it is going to work. I'll talk to her tonight in person for a couple minutes, but that is going to be it.

 

I could care less about the ring.

[KatZee]

Any help would be greatly appreciated. If your gonna flame and say something along the lines of once a cheater always one, blah blah blah, get out and don't bother posting. Some people are worth fighting for, and giving a second chance.

 

Yeah been there. Nearly killed me. Sorry that you're unwilling to hear things, but you NEED to hear these things.

 

She's worth fighting for? Why? What is she doing to fight for you except screw other people behind your back? I'd say she's got a case of the G.I.G.S here and you need to swallow that pill quickly. She wasn't even honest about it. First she just kissed him and it was a mistake. Then it was, "Oh I kissed him more than once." Then it was, "Oh, we had sex." I mean come on, where is your self-respect?

 

And not only has she done all this to you, she has the BALLS to say, "You're wrapped around my finger. Boohoo, let me cry on your shoulder and accept all the emotional support you can give me."

 

She's SELFISH right now. You're giving, giving, giving. She's taking, taking, taking... and woops! At the end of the day, you still don't get to have her.

 

You need to realize WHAT'S worth fighting for and what ISN'T. And right now, this girl isn't. She wants to screw around. She wants to be promiscous and to put her health at risk with whatever it is she's doing.

 

Also, you need to realize you WANT a girlfriend to WANT to be with you. You don't want a person who was convinced to be with you... or who was pushed to be with you... or who felt obligated to be with you... or who is now back with you only out of guilt.

 

She's keeping you on a string BIG-TIME and trust me, it's not because she loves you. It's because she wants to be out there, see what's bigger and better... but jjjussstttincase it doesn't work out... hey buuuuuddy! there you are! Wanna get back with me now? Come on.

 

End of the day, you're not first choice. You're not a priority. You gotta kick her off the pedestal. This is fairly new and fresh so you don't see it that way. You see her as something to fight for, someone who still has all the love and good intention there. The day will come where the rose colored glasses come off.

[KatZee]

I can't seem to pull myself to just cut contact. She still calls every night and we talk. I don't know how it is going to work. I'll talk to her tonight in person for a couple minutes, but that is going to be it.

 

I could care less about the ring.

 

Don't even bother talking to her. She just wants you there as her "emotional tampon" as one guy on here likes to say. It always makes me laugh when I read it, and I finally got to use it! ha ha ha.

 

Ok but no seriously I know this isn't funny, but if you talk to her today, it's going to lead to talking to her tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. There is no easy way to instill NC. It just happens. Like a bandaid. One harsh yank.

 

Talking to her just allows her to get rid of her guilt. She can go out, do whatever, do whoever, and come back and have you there for her. To comfort her. Tell her it's all going to be OK.

 

No. It's not OK. And it's never going to be OK again. She doesn't get to have you as support. She needs to own up to her sh*t. She needs to grow up and feel the effects of her actions. She needs the consequences. You're just holding her hand and patting her on the back and she feels good. She deserves to feel bad. She deserves to lose you.

 

If she calls, hit ignore. Better yet, just turn the phone off. This way you will never know.

[blotter]

If you have any self respect go NC today. She is laughing at you behind your back. Picture her in a group of her girlfriends talking about her pathetic ex that is still wrapped around her little finger, as she gets to bang other dudes, all of them start laughing. That's what you are to her now, a joke, that doesn't have enough confidence to know that you deserve better.

[veggirl]

Aside from the cheating, which is a dealbreaker in itself, obvs and should be reason enough to stay away from her...the whole "we butt heads" thing that you love about her I take it you are young. You will learn (hopefully) someday that passion is not love. butting heads on the regular isn't healthy, fighting to make up isn't a sign of love, it doesn't mean you guys are special and made for one another, it means you have a dramatic immature relationship.

[Chi townD]

Okay dude. She knew that you got upset when you found out that she kissed this dude. She said she was sorry and sincere about everything? Then, what does she do? She breaks up with you and has sex with him KNOWING how much just kissing him hurt you.

 

Now, she tells you that she just wants to be single, but still wants to have you in her life. Translation! "I want to continue to have hot monkey sex with this guy and have you to fill my emotional needs and have you as a back-up plan as soon as this guy gets done using me or I get bored with him."

 

SO, I'm gonna present to you an option you probably haven't considered. How about you take care of you first? You told her that she needed to make a choice and she said that it was unfair and selfish of you? I don't see it that way. You need to make a decision to move on with your life and you will not be strung along on false hopes. THAT'S UNFAIR!! Look, she wants to be single fine! BYE!!!! The thing is, she's made a choice to have you out of her life. She's decided that the "single" life was more important than what you two have. Therefore, let her have it! But, she doesn't get you! She either had 100% of you or nothing at all.

[aarongdl]

Thanks guys. I hate your words but I need to realize it. The sooner the better. I'll get over her. I'm going to tell her today in person I'm done. I don't know how to put it, but I don't know if it really matters anymore.

 

I just got news my grandpa died, and the funeral is wednesday. I have to be the paul bearer, or one of em, so who knows?

 

I'm gonna go talk to her in person, and that'll be that. I'll tell her I'm not waiting on her anymore, I'm not gonna try to get back with her, she can live her single life. I'm debating on giving her some of her stuff back also. I doubt that she'll care, but when the time comes around and she calls me, i'll just ignore it.

[veggirl]

Thanks guys. I hate your words but I need to realize it. The sooner the better. I'll get over her. I'm going to tell her today in person I'm done. I don't know how to put it, but I don't know if it really matters anymore.

 

I just got news my grandpa died, and the funeral is wednesday. I have to be the paul bearer, or one of em, so who knows?

 

I'm gonna go talk to her in person, and that'll be that. I'll tell her I'm not waiting on her anymore, I'm not gonna try to get back with her, she can live her single life. I'm debating on giving her some of her stuff back also. I doubt that she'll care, but when the time comes around and she calls me, i'll just ignore it.

 

Sorry to hear about your grandpa.

 

Yes, give her her crap back. Then you really have no reason to contact her again. Why would you keep her stuff? Give it back, make a clean break.