Cl0udy Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) After about 2 months, I have not responded don't know what to do I am doing fine, better improving little by little should I continue to ignore. Had the nerve to come over but I was not home. Glad We didnt bump Into each other. Help Edited July 30, 2012 by Cl0udy
Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 How did she/he (sorry not sure) try to contact you? Did they call or text you too? Or just show up at your house?
Canadian731 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Keep up your NC, if you are serious about trying to get over this relationship the contact with her will only hurt and put you back, wait until there is a time when you canthink about her or even see a picture and you don't get a rush of emotions or anything like that, sorry wasn't sure on gender
dannykeyz831 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Has this person dumped you numerous times? the reason I ask is because the way your feeling right now is the way you are going to feel each time they break your heart. It's pain that I don't wish upon nobody. Regardless if this is the first time or not continue nc because if you get in contact with them, and hear something that you don't wanna hear, guess what, your back to square one. Not only that but you might start feeling resentful towards them which is going to drive you crazy and will start building up anger which might affect any future relationships..you won't be able to let go of the past. My ex gf broke up with me for a 3rd times just last month and too be honest with you, it's going to take me a couple of years to be back to how I use to be before I met her. I don't want this to happen to you. Keep nc and don't look back..I know your hurting right now but It's the ONE AND ONLY solution to your problem.
Author Cl0udy Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 How did she/he (sorry not sure) try to contact you? Did they call or text you too? Or just show up at your house? Through email looooong message than came to my home.
Author Cl0udy Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Has this person dumped you numerous times? the reason I ask is because the way your feeling right now is the way you are going to feel each time they break your heart. It's pain that I don't wish upon nobody. Regardless if this is the first time or not continue nc because if you get in contact with them, and hear something that you don't wanna hear, guess what, your back to square one. Not only that but you might start feeling resentful towards them which is going to drive you crazy and will start building up anger which might affect any future relationships..you won't be able to let go of the past. My ex gf broke up with me for a 3rd times just last month and too be honest with you, it's going to take me a couple of years to be back to how I use to be before I met her. I don't want this to happen to you. Keep nc and don't look back..I know your hurting right now but It's the ONE AND ONLY solution to your problem. He saw me today said he wanted me back. What do I do?
dannykeyz831 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 He saw me today said he wanted me back. What do I do? You do really love this guy? How old is he? It's just hard to say because everyone's situation is different...it all comes down to what caused the breakup. A little back story can give us a better understanding of your situation.
Author Cl0udy Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Ok guys I really need advice We were together for 5 years. he broke up because he said he wants to know what it's like with other girls. After that day I went NC that's it I am moving on started to live my life etc etc. AFter two months a week ago he started sending me emails and than showing up at my house. My dad ended up seeing him a couple of times while I was not home. I saw him yesterday on my way to the gym he said that what he said initially about other girls was not true. He had to say what he had to In order for me to let him go. He said he was confused. He teared a little at the end he was shocked that I chose to go to the gym instead of being with him. He got me a teddy bear and wrote a letter. He pretty much said that he knows what he wants now and has plans for us. Please help guys
weallfalldown Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Hi. sorry to hear this. If i were in your situ, and my girlfriend had said she's wanted to know what it was like with other blokes.....well....let's just say that's kind of unforgivable!!!......a def no no....
Ruby65 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Ok guys I really need advice We were together for 5 years. he broke up because he said he wants to know what it's like with other girls. This is all I needed to hear. Absolutely NOT, NO WAY, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES take this loser back. He dumped you once for GIGS, he'll do it again. Trust me -- he doesn't think you're The One. He's only come back out of fear of being alone. As soon as he's secure, his old doubts will resurface and he'll be gone. That's how THAT song ends. 1
Author Cl0udy Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Than what's the point of lying like 2 months later that it was not true?? I hope I didn't mess it up by seeing him. I was so nervous. I didn't plan to see him it just happened. I Tried to keep my cool didn't cry, didn't raise my voice, I actually smiled. Next time I see him...IF. I do what should I say and ask?
Author Cl0udy Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 This is all I needed to hear. Absolutely NOT, NO WAY, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES take this loser back. He dumped you once for GIGS, he'll do it again. Trust me -- he doesn't think you're The One. He's only come back out of fear of being alone. As soon as he's secure, his old doubts will resurface and he'll be gone. That's how THAT song ends. GIGS? Than why bother writing me a letter? Hmm maybe no one wants him now and he wants sex. thinks I am gonna be weak and give in. How should I treat him when I see him again? If somehow he still feels he doesn't have me.
Ruby65 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Here's something dumpees always have a hard time accepting: PEOPLE LIE. They don't tell you the truth when they dump you. They don't tell you the truth when they want you back. They lie for all kinds of reasons. To spare your feelings. To seem like a good person. To avoid confrontation. To get what they want. ANYONE who dumps you and breaks your heart because he wants to try being with other women DOESN'T THINK YOU'RE THE ONE. That's a core belief and I'm sorry to say it doesn't change over time. That doubt will always be there for him. And when he's feeling comfortable and safe in your relationship again, the doubts will start to come back. 1
Ruby65 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Hmm maybe no one wants him now and he wants sex. thinks I am gonna be weak and give in. How should I treat him when I see him again? If somehow he still feels he doesn't have me. Obviously, you shouldn't see him at all.
Author Cl0udy Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Here's something dumpees always have a hard time accepting: PEOPLE LIE. They don't tell you the truth when they dump you. They don't tell you the truth when they want you back. They lie for all kinds of reasons. To spare your feelings. To seem like a good person. To avoid confrontation. To get what they want. ANYONE who dumps you and breaks your heart because he wants to try being with other women DOESN'T THINK YOU'RE THE ONE. That's a core belief and I'm sorry to say it doesn't change over time. That doubt will always be there for him. And when he's feeling comfortable and safe in your relationship again, the doubts will start to come back. Thank you ruby, You have a really good point. Should I throw away the bear and why is he coming back now? Do you believe that If someone really loves you they will keep trying even if you as no?
Jono85 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Here's something dumpees always have a hard time accepting: PEOPLE LIE. They don't tell you the truth when they dump you. They don't tell you the truth when they want you back. They lie for all kinds of reasons. To spare your feelings. To seem like a good person. To avoid confrontation. To get what they want. ANYONE who dumps you and breaks your heart because he wants to try being with other women DOESN'T THINK YOU'RE THE ONE. That's a core belief and I'm sorry to say it doesn't change over time. That doubt will always be there for him. And when he's feeling comfortable and safe in your relationship again, the doubts will start to come back. i'm usually on your side, BUT... my parents have been married 35 plus years now, and before they got married my dad dumped my mom for 6 months or so b/c they were getting quite serious and he wasn't sure during that time. he ended up getting her back and they've been together ever since. and i consider them 2 of the best parents in the world. extremely loving, high morals, both successful in their careers, etc etc. so i'm just saying, it doesn't ALWAYS mean they will eventually do it again, b/c my dad never did. sometimes u might not think they are the one and get confused for a while, only to realize they are. i imagine in every healthy long marriage, one partner, probably both, have their doubts at some point. some ppl make big mistakes and dump the other, and some try their hardest to work through any issues. i wouldn't be so black and white on it, that's all.
Author Cl0udy Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 So jono, How should I act in my situation?
Ruby65 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 It's stories like these that people cling to to justify taking back their exes.... It was a different time back then. I also took back my ex-H and we were married 18 years.... very unhappily.... because he WASN'T THE ONE FOR ME and I knew it, but didn't want to admit it, and didn't want to risk losing him or being alone..... You can point to a handful of happy endings for this scenario.... but in 99 cases out of a 100, when a guy dumps you to date other women, you can reasonably surmise HE DOESN'T THINK YOU'RE THE ONE. Truth is, this OP will probably be ignoring my advice anyway. 1
Author Cl0udy Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Ruby I will do my best not to let you down. He said he left me to explore life without me and if he did it once he will do it again. If he truly loves me 1 month or 10 years will not change a thing and he will always fight for me. Any more thoughts are welcomed
Chi townD Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 We always preach on here that if they don't say "I'm sorry; I made a mistake and I will do anything for a second chances." anything else is breadcrumbs. Well, he's telling you this. Now, you are in the drivers seat. Personally, he ran and left you when he wanted to be with other girls. What's going to happen when he gets bored the next time? In situations like this, IF you want him back you have to set up conditions and boundries. Like, needing to go to couples counseling and complete transparency. Sometimes, Ex's don't like those conditions and they rethink their stance on wanting to get back together. They think things can go back to the way things were and that should be a wrong assumption on their part. But, on a good note, I think you shocked the hell out of him that you didn't start crying and running into his arms. I think he's realizing that things are different with you and that you're proving that you are strong and independant. That's your okay without him and he doesn't know how to read that.
Author Cl0udy Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) You guys help He came by again with flowers and another letter. I was not home at the time ,but I get the feeling I may see him again soon. He left me. he can't come back when he feels he is ready to be with me. What do I do. Keep ignoring him Or Tell him to stop coming and to give each other more time If I give him a second chance I don't want him to ever do the same. I love him But it does not mean I will allow him to disrespect me What to do? Edited August 2, 2012 by Cl0udy
theskyisblue Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Theres a lot of good advice on here from some smart people. It sounds like you've given yourself the option of either not being with him, but seeing what happens or just not being with him, but you'd probably be thinking about him and wanting to be with him anyway. I guess you really have to ask yourself, do I trust this guy? If you can't trust him and will be questioning every action and decision and asking yourself what he's doing when you aren't there, that's when you realise it probably won't work. How do you feel about it?
Author Cl0udy Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 You guys are right. The questions is more how to really act when I see him. I did NC for a while and it worked he believes I am moving on. I guess if he doesn't say sorry and that he made a mistake he is justing testing the waters. So far he has been coming over everyday, but I have not been home. The summer is almost over also.
theskyisblue Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Hey cloudy did you decide what you'd be doing? Have you actually met up with him? Hope you have stuff to keep you busy so you don't think about this too much! Thinking is where it can be difficult - especially over thinking things!
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